Fear and fury

Fear and fury
O

opened box

Registrant
Well, I’ve been on this site for the better part of the day, although I joined last year, trying to summon up the courage to “expose” myself. This may be a common feeling but I have such a great fear of not being believed by others or that I am revealing something damaged about myself. At the same time I have intense rage towards the man who abused me and robbed me of having an otherwise garden variety ordinary life with the normal problems that come up. I’m 53 and was abused by a Catholic religious figure between the years of 17 and 18. I’m in therapy with a psychiatrist and though he helps me in other ways, I’m just not sure he’s specifically skilled in dealing with this kind of trauma. I would appreciate any advice on whether people can see two therapists for different issues. My life has been so turbulent because of what this man did to me and how I turned to promiscuous sex, food, exercise and lying to cope and pretend to be a “perfect” boy. I have dropped in over the past year and would really like to engage now with everyone. If someone could also explain how this site works - basics, not experienced in this stuff - I’d appreciate it.
David
 
Welcome David. I saw a few of your posts on threads I've been following and wondered about you. I noted the registration last year and the minimum number of posts and was curious. Here you paint the picture for all of us. I'm sorry you had those experiences when you were a teen and that you've carried the residue of that trauma for all these years. As you read what others contribute you will see this is a common theme. The trauma doesn't go away, it is carried in our bodies and activated again, no doubt because we carry shame and rage about the abuse.

With regard to the support you hope to find in a therapeutic relationship I'd simply say for it to work you really want a therapist who is familiar with sexual trauma and comfortable working with men who've had that experience. In my experience, this work is best done through somatically focused healing that attends to the body and feelings that reside there. Whether you do that kind of work in parallel with the work you do with a psychiatrist is a matter for you to decide. Psychiatrists can be helpful if you're on psychoactive meds but I've not known them to engage in long term psychotherapy.

As to the site operation, I'd encourage you to ramble about and see what speaks to you. There is a "members only" section that requires "joining" the site. I did that simply because I know how valuable this website is for my own healing AND I want it to be available to others in need. I paid the annual membership fee based on my income and am glad I did. You might want to think about joining as well. The base membership costs less than 10 cents a day. That strikes me as a pretty great deal!

Jump in and participate. Telling the truth about our journey is pretty easy when we remember that everyone here has had their own experience of sexual abuse from which they are healing. You're not alone. Support is here every day. Glad you found us.
 
Visitor said:
Welcome David. I saw a few of your posts on threads I've been following and wondered about you. I noted the registration last year and the minimum number of posts and was curious. Here you paint the picture for all of us. I'm sorry you had those experiences when you were a teen and that you've carried the residue of that trauma for all these years. As you read what others contribute you will see this is a common theme. The trauma doesn't go away, it is carried in our bodies and activated again, no doubt because we carry shame and rage about the abuse.

With regard to the support you hope to find in a therapeutic relationship I'd simply say for it to work you really want a therapist who is familiar with sexual trauma and comfortable working with men who've had that experience. In my experience, this work is best done through somatically focused healing that attends to the body and feelings that reside there. Whether you do that kind of work in parallel with the work you do with a psychiatrist is a matter for you to decide. Psychiatrists can be helpful if you're on psychoactive meds but I've not known them to engage in long term psychotherapy.

As to the site operation, I'd encourage you to ramble about and see what speaks to you. There is a "members only" section that requires "joining" the site. I did that simply because I know how valuable this website is for my own healing AND I want it to be available to others in need. I paid the annual membership fee based on my income and am glad I did. You might want to think about joining as well. The base membership costs less than 10 cents a day. That strikes me as a pretty great deal!

Jump in and participate. Telling the truth about our journey is pretty easy when we remember that everyone here has had their own experience of sexual abuse from which they are healing. You're not alone. Support is here every day. Glad you found us.
Click to expand...
 
Still not sure if I ‘m doing this right, but thank you Visitor for your welcome and feedback. While I feel that I have something to offer in adding to threads, I still don’t understand what to do to get my needs met. Could you please be a bit more specific on what to do?
 
i see 2 Ts. 1 for general stuff, including the CSA, and 1 specifically for the trauma/PTSD from the abuse.
 
Share specifics as to what happened during the abuse or the specific after-effects. Do a search to see if a similar thread exists, then respond there. If not, start a new thread.

Many of us have ended up sexualizing/ eroticizing the abuse we experienced and then act that out either with others or in fantasy /porn.

Many of us have PTSD symptoms that need to be addressed. Venting here helps that, too.
 
Adding to what Kal says, check the many different forums to see whether the topic speaks to you and the traumatic experience you've had. I note for example that you posted a comment in a thread on the "Survivors of Female Abuse." Join conversations relevant to your own experience, share your thoughts and feelings AND, as Kal says... start a thread at the top of the forum on a subject that speaks to you. I'm thinking of creating a thread for that forum with the tentative title "Mommie Dearest." It is good to share what happened and to say what you're dealing with in the moment. Read, read, read and you'll get the flavor of the site and how other men are using it.
 
Thanks Visitor and NC- Survivor for your helpful input. I have a better understanding about how to navigate this site.
I appreciate what you wrote that affects you personally. I’m still so mixed up and confused about the ways that I feel about what happened to me and how I am ashamed of my feelings. I’m looking forward to really digging deep here.
 
I’m still unsure how this comment reply system works so please bear with me if I am repetitive.
What I want to say is thank you and that I appreciate your understanding and support. I think repetitive reinforcement will help me feel legitimized.
 
yes, after quoting, scroll down to the end, past the last "]" then add your own text.
 
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