The Shack (2017)

This is a faith - based movie, whose main character was a survivor of physical abuse. The movie shows a beautiful picture of what the trinity is and looks like. It also brings the main character into his own healing Journey. The biggest takeaway that I got, among many, was: "You were created to be loved." This spoke so profoundly to my inner child, that wounded Soul inside of me. Knowing that my father was a pedophile and my mother never wanted children. He convinced her to have children (for his own purposes). So literally, I was created to be F***'d by him! Turning this fact around, knowing a Loving God exists, despite the circumstances of my conception... I WAS CREATED TO BE LOVED! I wept for so long after hearing those words that yes, I am not only worthy to be loved, but CREATED to be loved.
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After I first watched this movie, I felt compelled to journal. Something I hardly ever do. But it has such a profound impact on me Oh, I thought I better write stuff down. Here is what I wrote.....

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You were created to be loved.

Desiring that. Feeling empty without it.

Sister is distant. Mom is dead. Wife's family focuses on her. Wife focuses on her own health needs. Kids are at college, doing well. Focusing on their studies.

No one loves me. Am I selfish? Or am I truly created to be loved? Am I worthy of love? I know why my parents conceived me. Feeling like those siblings born to help a sickly older sibling to meet their health needs (through donation of organs, marrow, etc.) They were literally conceived to meet the needs of others. They are born to be a sacrifice. I was conceived to meet the selfish desire of a sinful man. But did God create me (or allow me to be created) for something greater? I desire love. All my sins and lustful desires can be traced back to that one unmet need: to be loved. That is what I thirst for.


I've seen it. I also watch the TBN series called "Restoring The Shack" with William Paul Young, the author. He's a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. His folks were missionaries in Papua New Guinea. He grew up around the tribe in a jungle setting and lived and learned the language and culture. He also as used by the older boys in the tribe. After he grew some he was sent to boarding school. Again, he was targeted for sexual abuse by the older boys. His journey to forgiveness and moving through it all is worth the listen. I will say, as an aside, that I really identified with Mac in the scene where he returns to the shack, the place of Missy's death and loses it. Our first child, a boy, died a day after being born. We were at the hospital and after my wife was taken into an exam room, I went to the hospital chapel. I yelled and cried and fell to the floor. I pounded the floor and cried some more. I don't know how long I laid there weeping. This side of heaven life isn't fair. We here at this site are living examples of that. Yet we are more. We're survivors who need to tell our story so others can find strength. I've told other men who have had children die about my experience. It took me a long time before I could talk about it without tearing up, but I can do so now and allow them the freedom to cry.
WG, Thank you for sharing. That is great info. So sorry for your loss. We had a few miscarriages before our daughter was born.


This life really isn't fair. I feel like most of my life has been a series of deep, dark struggles that come in clusters, one after another. Even some of my doctors and therapists say that I have suffered more than most. I don't want to build a monument to my pain and be stuck there, I resist that, but I can get very depressed at times. In 2017, just when I thought things were finally starting on an uptick, I needed another major surgery that damn near killed me. I had the surgery in January 2018 and I am still dealing with the after-effects. I had already had a major surgery in 2016 that forced me to leave my job. There are so many other things in my life that are rough-going right now. I fight to stay thankful for the good things I do have - even if they are small things - because that helps me keep my sanity when everything else feels like it is falling apart.
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`This thread stirs a lot of memories and some emotions. I'm not sure what to write, but hoped showing up may work on processing whatever's happening because I've read this thread.


Praying for you, Chris - for Peace and Strength during these "trials"
Thank you, I totally appreciate that. Prayer is something I really could use right now.

I will pray for your wife. Those health and physical struggles can get very draining and depressing.
Hopefully having you there with her is a source of some blessing to her.
I have only seen clips of this movie. I have read the book several times. I have also seen documentaries and listen to podcasts with William Paul Young. It’s difficult for me to get my head around that this is how God is. For many years I saw God through the lens of Calvinism and Penal Substitutionary Atonement. It’s very difficult to out think those habits.

But this story is life changing.
I truly believe he is a loving God. He cares for each and every one of us. He Mourns with us as we struggle through the pain of CSA. And He wants to guide us through our individual Healing Journeys. He wants us to heal.

The CSA was NOT our fault, but it was also not HIS fault. We like to blame him, that he had the power to stop it. But we (and our abusers) are not his puppets that he can control at whim. We were given (by him) free will. But that free will causes lots of evil to happen in the world.

We are victims of that evil.