Introduction and my story - "Kal" - *trigger warnings*

intro - just joined today after watching "Leaving Neverland" documentary this weekend. Yes it triggered many things inside of me and knew it was time to work through more things - again.

I am currently in my mid-50s. Youngest of 3 kids (2 older sisters).

Parents separated, then divorced when I was 7 or 8. Stayed with my mom. Contact with dad was less and less until hardly any.

When I was a young man in college (age 20, but looked like 16 - late bloomer) a Methodist Minister at the church I was attending "took an interest" in me. I was flattered. Loved to get the attention from a man I very much admired. Apparently, he was actually a pedophile and liked teenage boys. He came to my home for a visit. Things lead to him touching me in places he shouldn't. I got him to stop and he left.

I eventually was able to confront him (a year or 2 later) through his church leadership, but he basically got a wrist-slap (he was near retirement age), and a mild warning to his local church that he needed to stay away from teens and children.

After college, I moved out of state. Started seeking therapy most of which from what happened in college, and the SSA I was experiencing (I had similar feelings since 7th grade). After therapy and reading different stories, I realized I was an abuse victim as a young child. Memories I had blocked out. Additional therapy helped me fill in the blanks. I also got confirmation that my own father had abused several of his younger siblings when they were children (he was the oldest of 6). The same method (forced oral) he used on them was what I also remember happening to me. This filled in the blanks - he was my abuser. More therapy has helped further, exposing the fact I was abused dozens of times by him when I was between 2 and 4 years of age.

Since then, I have attended survivor support groups and therapy. I have come a long way in my road to healing.

I have been married to a great woman for over 25 years and have 2 kids (boy and girl) - both in college. They all know my story and are all supportive.

SSA is still an issue, but less now. I have always had a fear and distrust of men as a result of my abuse. My healing journey has helped with that a lot. I am now heavily involved with and serve in the Men's Ministry in my church (non-denominational evangelical).

I support gun rights but refuse to own a gun for fear of suicide. (yeah, I battle depression off and on)

I tried to bring up the abuse to my mother, but she seemed pretty clueless. She knew about the abuse by my father towards his siblings but said she could never quite "wrap her head around it." I decided not to push the issue. Also, both she and my father were heavy drinkers at the time. I assume she had absolutely no idea what was happening. She then passed away a few years ago before I could bring up the subject again.

I am now at a place where I wish to reach out to other survivors via this forum to help me further along on this healing path.

*

NC-Survivor aka Καλλικρατης (call me "Kal")
 
Thanks for sharing. Today we buried a kid (41) who took his own life because of what he’d been through at the hands of his minister. I suffer too for the same reason but am overwhelmed right now by the extent of the problem.
 

Chris4TheMill

Registrant
Hi Kal,

I am sorry for all that happened to you, especially from your father. I also know what it is like to have relatives you can't talk to because they are unable or unwilling to hear. I hope you are getting the support you need from your wife and kids and therapist. Please feel free to continue to share your story as you are lead to. I find that writing helps me to process thoughts and feelings.

Best regards,

Chris
 
Hi Kal

Welcome. Hope to see you in chat sometime. So sorry that your parents failed their first priority job. Glad your wife and kids are supportive. Join in as you are ready.

Manipulated
 
Hi Kal

Sorry my reply to your introduction was short, I didn't mean it that way. I saw your question about what does T stand for and made a quick reply as I was busy with something else.

So now I want to extend a warm welcome you to MS. I am sorry for what you had to go through to come and reach out. This is a good place to come and share with others that understand what you have been through as we have experienced as well.

I hope you find the same as I have here a lot of caring men that are not afraid to show support. Glad you found us, you are not alone in this.

Peace be safe
Take Care
Esterio
 

Toad

Registrant
Hi NC.

Welcome.
I too was abused when I was a toddler.
It is very common not to remember too much from that age but it is still tremendously hurtful. Sorry you went through that and I hope you are able to get some peace and healing.

Toad
 

BDD

Registrant
Καλλικρατης,

Thank you for joining and welcome.
I believe your presence will enrich us as well as help you.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
Kal

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for what you experienced. I hope this site helps you to heal. I found sharing my past was helpful to me. Others who were part of the history did not always feel the same. It is about you, about you healing and accepting what happened to you was not your fault. Your emotions have been shaped by your experience as a child. Healing is like peeling back the onion until you get to the core. Once there you can better understand who you are and hopefully understand the truth of who you are.

Please share when you feel safe, vent when you need to vent. We are here for you.

Kevin
 
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Nothing Man

Registrant
Hello Kal, welcome, even as I am sorry you have to be here. I understand your feelings and history. I was raped by a male babysitter when I was eight, and I was serially abused by my mother for years and years. This is a good place to let it out and talk about the issues that plague us. We're here for you.
 

Clem

New Registrant
Hi Kal, I fell your pain. I know what it is like to have been abused by the most trusted people in our lives - my parents and a priest -who was also my Dad's cousin. Talk about the 'Circle of (dis)trust'. I am 2 years into this and I know it is not easy, I hope you find some peace in your conversations with us, and thank you for sharing your story.
 
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