Weird Symptoms you blame on CSA... (trigger warnings)

Not sure which forum to place this under. but I have some strange theories that some of my quirky "dislikes" are actually symptoms of my CSA. (Possible PTSD symptoms???)

Examples:

1) Raw Tomatoes - especially cherry tomatoes - the explosion sensation in the mouth seems to be reminiscent of the oral abuse.

2) Cantelope - something about the smell and texture is a major turn off

3) fear of drowning/water up my nose - I freak out whenever this happens (water up the nose) - was MUCH worse as a child.

anyone else have "weird quirks" that they blame on their CSA?? Any advice for mine?? Seems like as I continue on my Healing Journey these symptoms lessen.
 

PRFL

Registrant
I have lots of food aversions (fish and eggs are the biggies, but also unfamiliar and/or mushy foods) but I don't have any recollection or sense of this being connected to CSA, it seems mostly about a power struggle with my mother, whom I felt was trying to bribe me with food in lieu of genuine love. I suspect it was one of the only ways I could have some control over something. I have made lots of progress as an adult, but I just can't stand the (possible trigger warning!) smell of fish. I'm fine when eggs are used in ingredients, but the thought of eating those things by themselves is just revolting to me. Maybe I don't want to know if there's a story behind that...
 
4) I like a messy bedroom, but a clean house. Perhaps it is an "early warning system" for late night intruders. As a boy, I think Legos worked well! (but sadly, not well enough!)
 

LoneWolfX

Registrant
TRIGGER WARNING
Psychogenic polydipsia. I drink excessive amounts of water and I prefer to drink it in a glass tumbler.
Basically I drink water to calm anxiety.
I think it is fairly likely it is due to the oral part of the abuse. He gave me water afterwards.
Though it is a bit weird because he also made me drink semen from a glass once.
 
I am extremely sensitive to many chemicals this sensitivity has gotten worse as I have uncovered and hashed out the abuse.
I particular I can become mentally unstable from perfume more so women’s than mens cologne. Depending on the sent I can have a respiratory response or a mental meltdown.
I could totally shut down or I have very violent thoughts. I have learned that it is some how connected to the abuse. It is a very difficult thing to manage because I don’t have control over what people put on. If I’m at work and a person comes in and they have perfume on I have to leave if I can but there are times that I can’t. The affects can last for hours or even days. This is besides being very overwhelmed by stimuli of all kinds, light, sound, odders, people’s energy and changes in nature. I also have food sensitivity’s but that has gotten less reactive over the last few years except for added chemicals. So I mostly eat food that are organic or have no additives.
So ya I’m kind of wired . LOL
 
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I am extremely sensitive to many chemicals this sensitivity has gotten worse as I have uncovered and hashed out the abuse.
5) I have severe skin allergies that have only manifested in the last 2 years (where I also have made huge strides in my recovery)

6) this may sound kind of gross, but when I vomit, it is as if I was purging a thousand demons out from the depths of my soul. It literally sounds like something out of a horror movie. This is been true ever since I was little.
 
Basically I drink water to calm anxiety.
7) I do this too, excessive drinking of a beverage (water, iced tea) to calm anxiety. Perp-father would prep me by getting 3-year-old me to sip beer so I wouldn't remember.
 
TRIGGER WARNING

8) I was hoping to share this with my new T (male), but we weren't meeting for a few more weeks and I feel I HAVE to get this off of my chest - it is really bugging the CRAP out of me!!. -- Ever since my major DUMP this past Friday (see "Current Struggles") and even a little bit before, as I was sharing my story an reading the stories of others, I have had almost non-stop pre-cum leakage!! So weird!! No erections or Ejaculations, just leakage! It is if, after unloading all of my current struggles, my inner emotional maturity somehow leaped into my teenage years!! Please someone tell me I am not totally insane!!!

- Kal
 

PRFL

Registrant
I particular I can become mentally unstable from perfume more so women’s than mens cologne. Depending on the sent I can have a respiratory response or a mental meltdown.
I could totally shut down or I have very violent thoughts. I have learned that it is some how connected to the abuse. It is a very difficult thing to manage because I don’t have control over what people put on. If I’m at work and a person comes in and they have perfume on I have to leave if I can but there are times that I can’t. The affects can last for hours or even days.
I have a similar reaction to women's perfumes, particularly those oil-based, strong ones, I tend to get headaches and migraines, but I'm usually OK with water based floral fragances, and men's perfumes seem to be OK, but when I put them on I think I smell of insecticide.
My mother used to wear strong perfumes and this is where I think my headaches come from. Some scents from women turn me off because they bring up memories of my mother, drunk, depressed and in bed, covered in sweat.
Being that I did bond with my dad, and possibly got imprinted by the closeness, I tend to respond positively to men's cologne, so although positive, this may be a sign of abuse, but that's just speculation on my part
 
@PRFL - Thanks man!! I hope so!! almost more weird to admit to it then the CSA!!
 

Bradley P

Registrant
I cannot stand whistling. I know exactly why.
 
I cannot stand whistling. I know exactly why.
I understand! Thanks for sharing. it seems we all have some "quirks" related to the CSA.
 
smells, the smell of baking bread in particular as it smells like a room in which coitus has taken place. The sickly sweet smell of a rotting carcass for other reasons. The smell of cordite (although thats a love hate thing). The musky odor of men in that particular area. that godamn jetsons thesme music,,, ugggh. the random touch of our wife when we are half asleep. people in general and especially anyone who dares approach. open places without cover or concealment. the look from a stranger (its as iff they can see it.) being placed inn a room like a doctors office without easy egress. open windows without closed blinds or curtains. when somethingmoves on the cameras too quickly to be identified. tracks in the snow we cannot identify. when the arms go off. and yes,w e understand that our opsec measures are all related to our past on the two fronts. Could go on and on but thats enough for now.
 
TRIGGER WARNING

8) I was hoping to share this with my new T (male), but we weren't meeting for a few more weeks and I feel I HAVE to get this off of my chest - it is really bugging the CRAP out of me!!. -- Ever since my major DUMP this past Friday (see "Current Struggles") and even a little bit before, as I was sharing my story an reading the stories of others, I have had almost non-stop pre-cum leakage!! So weird!! No erections or Ejaculations, just leakage! It is if, after unloading all of my current struggles, my inner emotional maturity somehow leaped into my teenage years!! Please someone tell me I am not totally insane!!!

- Kal
I have had the same experience anytime I am very stressed, scared or talking to my therapist about the abuse I have that clear leakage. No erection nothing. I did discuss it with my T and he thinks that I am unconsciously contacting my pelvic muscles as a way of protection, guarding myself. I think he is correct. When it first started about 6 years ago it drove me crazy but nowadays I just don’t care. I just excepted it as my body’s way of dealing with all this shit. So I just don’t pay much attention to it anymore.
 
he thinks that I am unconsciously contacting my pelvic muscles as a way of protection, guarding myself.
This is extremely helpful! Thanks, brother!
 

Suwanee

Chat Moderator
Staff member
Smells and certain songs.

Trigger warning ⚠️



Drakkar Noir cologne.
I effing hate that scent. He must have bathed in it.
Sour laundry.
I have a special loathing for this scent. My head was pushed down into a pile of dirty, sweaty, soured clothes that happened to be my own. He also peeled my own sweaty socks off of my feet and shoved them in my mouth.

Some songs from the summer of 1985.
Tears for Fears “Shout”
Dead of Alive “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

The damp scent of a summer camp cabin mixed with the smell of the woods on a damp night are strangely comforting. I have no effing clue why that is.

Will
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
TRIGGER WARNING

8) I was hoping to share this with my new T (male), but we weren't meeting for a few more weeks and I feel I HAVE to get this off of my chest - it is really bugging the CRAP out of me!!. -- Ever since my major DUMP this past Friday (see "Current Struggles") and even a little bit before, as I was sharing my story an reading the stories of others, I have had almost non-stop pre-cum leakage!! So weird!! No erections or Ejaculations, just leakage! It is if, after unloading all of my current struggles, my inner emotional maturity somehow leaped into my teenage years!! Please someone tell me I am not totally insane!!!

- Kal
Nope. I never had much precum. Until the past could not be ignored any longer. Now I have wet underwear in T sessions, talking to milady, charting here, and even watching movies like Spotlight. Nothing sexual but everything emotional. Like. Flowing well.
 
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