Me at age 3 - ⚠ Trigger Warning ⚠
Heavy weight on me. Heard to breathe. Why is he doing this?
I don’t understand. I am so scared.
I don't want this.
Betrayed!
I thought he loved me. Why is he doing this to me.
Why is he causing so much pain,
I don’t understand it.
The stuff I drank makes me feel weird,
like I don’t really understand what is happening,
but I still remember.
I can still feel everything.
Why does he keep doing this.
Night after night, like the boogie man,
but he is real.
so much pressure on my head,
rhythmic up and down against the mattress.
Sometimes I hit my head on the headboard.
It hurts.
I like to leave toys on the floor.
Maybe this will stop him,
give me some warning.
He gets mad.
Swears.
It doesn't stop him.
I am powerless.
I am so alone.
If I had a little brother, I wouldn’t be alone.
Maybe then it would stop. Maybe.
I am so weak, he is so big.
I can’t fight back.
I have to give in.
I hope it ends soon.
Maybe he won't come back
next time.
Maybe.
I can’t breathe.
I have to try to breathe through my nose.
So hard.
I try to catch breaths when I can.
He is done.
I cough-up - hard.
Slimy gross.
The smell,
the taste,
he wipes me down.
Removes the evidence.
I cry myself back to sleep -
Exhausted.
But I can finally breathe.
******************************
(me at age 3)
I don’t understand. I am so scared.
I don't want this.
Betrayed!
I thought he loved me. Why is he doing this to me.
Why is he causing so much pain,
I don’t understand it.
The stuff I drank makes me feel weird,
like I don’t really understand what is happening,
but I still remember.
I can still feel everything.
Why does he keep doing this.
Night after night, like the boogie man,
but he is real.
so much pressure on my head,
rhythmic up and down against the mattress.
Sometimes I hit my head on the headboard.
It hurts.
I like to leave toys on the floor.
Maybe this will stop him,
give me some warning.
He gets mad.
Swears.
It doesn't stop him.
I am powerless.
I am so alone.
If I had a little brother, I wouldn’t be alone.
Maybe then it would stop. Maybe.
I am so weak, he is so big.
I can’t fight back.
I have to give in.
I hope it ends soon.
Maybe he won't come back
next time.
Maybe.
I can’t breathe.
I have to try to breathe through my nose.
So hard.
I try to catch breaths when I can.
He is done.
I cough-up - hard.
Slimy gross.
The smell,
the taste,
he wipes me down.
Removes the evidence.
I cry myself back to sleep -
Exhausted.
But I can finally breathe.
******************************
(me at age 3)
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