Erection during therapy?

[Greybeard]

Well as I'm sure you know by now, when it comes to trauma logic is not a prerequisite and emotion rules supreme. Honestly I wish I had more advice to give you, but now that I know the real reason for that or at least the main one (namely CSA incident number three as numbered by order of recollection not chronology as I don't know) I'm likely to have to rework through that and it may be getting worse in myself again heh. But the general diffused the shame of your autonomous responses if they're not something you have developed controlled or wanted yourself.

Oh I do understand all that. yes. I know all the reasons, and all the reasons I should not feel about it the way I do! I just wish my penis had been paying more attention to that information. Dumb thing to say, but those damn repressed memories and urges just will not give up their power over me.

 

[Tableau in Stasis]

Oh I do understand all that. yes. I know all the reasons, and all the reasons I should not feel about it the way I do! I just wish my penis had been paying more attention to that information. Dumb thing to say, but those damn repressed memories and urges just will not give up their power over me.

Yeah I totally get that as I'm 18 so me and him are in poor communication anyway... jumpy bastard

 

[just me]

Me too!
There is so much important confirmation, collaboration and commiseration on this thread! This thread should be pinned!
I wish I had this to read when I first found this site 15 years ago; I had to figure so much of this out on my own!

(I was going to write, 'I had to figure so much of this out the hard way', humor can help)

 

[JfromGA]

(I was going to write, 'I had to figure so much of this out the hard way', humor can help)

Haha. I needed that laugh this morning. Headed to the DR in a few and feeling kind of down. That helped!

 

[Greybeard]

Me too!
There is so much important confirmation, collaboration and commiseration on this thread! This thread should be pinned!
I wish I had this to read when I first found this site 15 years ago; I had to figure so much of this out on my own!

(I was going to write, 'I had to figure so much of this out the hard way', humor

It's nor something we are supposed to raise in public

 

[just me]

Haha. I needed that laugh this morning. Headed to the DR in a few and feeling kind of down. That helped!

I just came back to delete that part, but now I may as well leave it... glad it helped. We shouldn't always take ourselves so seriously.

 

[just me]

It's nor something we are supposed to raise in public

 

[Tele1]

Nice to see we are all not alone and yes happens to me every T appointment

 

[tjfrye]

Actually the answer to your question is related to how we as animals deal with fear. Woman have the same response and feel the same confusion. It's in the animal part of our brain. You see sex starts in the minds eye if you will with possibility and expectation usually derived from fantasy. We aren't generally turned on by the act in and of it self. We aren't even turned on by the possibility of the act. We are turned on by the possibility of the pleasure that the act may bring. I'm not talking about just the pleasure of an orgasm. There is pleasure in the very idea of foe filling our instinct to pass on our jeans. These are also the same chemicals that raise blood pressure and give us the rush of adrenaline that is associates with the flight or fight. Under the right circumstances subconsciously both men and woman can find them selves with an unintended response to situations including erection. That's what makes it so confusing. We are taught from an early age that those responses indicate we must have liked it somehow. Men have been using that argument to get out rape charges for centuries. It been used so much that we come to believe it our selves about our selves. With abuse victims like us it's even worse because the big thing we learned from being abused is that we can't trust how we feel. The fact is neither the orgasm or the erection are in any way or form tied to receiving pleasure from an act. It is a sub conscious response to stimulus and for men it's one that is easily triggered. An erection DOESN'T mean you derived pleasure from it! It just mean you had and our having a physical response which is perfectly normal. It was a difficult thing for me to understand and overcome but once I did it lost its hold on me. It's very likely it will lose its hold on you to.

 

[Chad75]

Deleted

 

[Tableau in Stasis]

An erection DOESN'T mean you derived pleasure from it! It just mean you had and our having a physical response which is perfectly normal.

If it did all them "men think about sex x times a day/ x% of the time" stats might actually have a grain of truth

 

[Greybeard]

This was a good post. I get erections on this site, so this has helped.

Gotta give you kudos for admitting that. For me it happens most often if I am discussing my own abuse, but it has happened other times as well.

 

[Buster65]

Yeah I totally get that as I'm 18 so me and him are in poor communication anyway... jumpy bastard

 

[deedeeiny60]

Yes I had them. No shame but understanding why.

 

[GaD3!]

It is a normal reaction. Fear and stress can cause an erection. Talking about the sexual abuse or remembering can do the same. This disturbed me greatly- like what does that say about me? Am I a disgusting pervert who is ok w/ CSA? The therapist told me the brain does not differentiate between "good" sex and "bad" sex. It is just sex and responds accordingly. That explanation helped.

 

[Jack1]

A while back during an EMDR session I started getting an erection and had to adjust things a bit. My T saw and asked me if I was erect and when I said yes she said I needed to talk about the feelings I was having that caused it. I was more than a little embarrasses but I told her that I felt good that he had used me and I always wanted him to enjoy having sex with me as much as I was enjoying him penetrating me. That really got me hard.

For me it happens most often if I am discussing my own abuse, but it has happened other times as well.

Same here. In fact I am getting hard just now typing. I'm 76 years old and I still get a stiffy sometimes.

 

[Tableau in Stasis]

At this point the way I deal with it's fairly frequent occurrence both here and when sorting my memories, revolves around disconnecting my body from my mind in a way. Not sure if it's healthy and it's definitely dissociation, but reinforcing that my body and my thoughts are not always directly connected helps. And my body doesn't have morals, values, and beliefs; much less the same ones as myself. So it can respond however, but I know my concious active intentional thoughts (not intrusive ones), and know what I believe. So if they don't align, I know which one I really am. I am less my body than I am my mind after all.

 

[GaD3!]

Dreams are the absolute worst for me. Too often they replay my abuse, or sort of riff on the events, making them happen in different places or circumstances. I wake up very upset from the nightmare element, and yet physically aroused to an extreme degree. It always feels like a total betrayal. And then if I try to get back to sleep the thoughts just won't go away, and the sexual drive hounds me to take care of it. But if I do, I feel like a complete pervert.

I understand exactly how you feel. l am embarrassed to say this, I have had such dreams and wake up masturbating. As you say "I feel like a complete pervert". It is like, so I am ok with a child being used sexually? I have talked to the therapist about this and fortunately it has not happened recently- I suppose complete exhaustion., but still it makes me sick. I can take a look at the situation from a clinical/psychological view and it makes perfect sense, but to somehow internalize that, a whole different story.

 

[Hope_Lives]

I understand exactly how you feel. l am embarrassed to say this, I have had such dreams and wake up masturbating. As you say "I feel like a complete pervert". It is like, so I am ok with a child being used sexually? I have talked to the therapist about this and fortunately it has not happened recently- I suppose complete exhaustion., but still it makes me sick. I can take a look at the situation from a clinical/psychological view and it makes perfect sense, but to somehow internalize that, a whole different story.

I have had traumatic nightmares reliving my abuse, and woke up super aroused, almost painfully. It’s not perverted to be turned on as if you are condoning the abuse you incurred as a child, because in your mind, it processes the abuse as if you’re still that age, while also responding to the arousal in your current adult mind (not arousal of child abuse, but of the sexual stimulation). It’s like a conflicting paradox where your body and mind cannot seem to synchronize with reality, so you’re caught in two worlds at the same time. It’s bizarre how our minds deal with trauma.

 

[GaD3!]

I have had traumatic nightmares reliving my abuse, and woke up super aroused, almost painfully. It’s not perverted to be turned on as if you are condoning the abuse you incurred as a child, because in your mind, it processes the abuse as if you’re still that age, while also responding to the arousal in your current adult mind (not arousal of child abuse, but of the sexual stimulation). It’s like a conflicting paradox where your body and mind cannot seem to synchronize with reality, so you’re caught in two worlds at the same time. It’s bizarre how our minds deal with trauma.

Quite true. As the therapist told me- the brain does not differentiate between "good" sex or "bad" sex. It is just sex and the body responds accordingly Thank you for your feedback I appreciate it.