Erection during therapy?

Common problem, so thread getting resurrected is not unexpected. Have had several discussions with my T about the issue. Was initially difficult to admit to my female T that I was getting erections and leaking during a session until she explained the mechanism that programmed the response. Part of the problem is that sometimes it was straight up arousal, since I had enjoyed everything my mother and I did at the time.
 
MO-Survivor said:
Excellent description @AlexBoyd. We definitely have our wires crossed / tangled. In your other thread there is a good convo starting (I think) on page 6 about unwanted arousal by things like feeling a strong emotional response / connection with someone (thanks @Induna). Again - wires crossed.

For me this has been raising a question. I have said often, “I did not ever find anything my father did as pleasurable. I don’t ever remember getting hard.” Since realizing the abuse likely happened prior to my first memory at age 5 or 6, I have opened the door to the fact that at younger ages I might very well have been responsive but don’t remember it.

The question this raises for me, since it seems to be fairly universal that memories of abuse (even by one’s father) can be arousing and that there were physical aspects of what happened that felt good, is this: is this just one more area that I suppressed so deeply, that my statement about never feeling pleasure and never being aroused is actually not true?

I tell people, “I’ve kind of been doing a lot of things ‘backwards’ compared to most guys.” And it’s only as I progress thru therapy that I get to the real feelings that were trapped so deeply, and then I’m able to say, “I was wrong. I have those same issues / feelings. It just took me a long time to be able to access them.”

Ugh. And the answer to this is very, very important. Because I’ve only been able to unlock freedom as I’ve unlocked my true, buried feelings about things.
Click to expand...
@
 
It is totally understandable how this could "freak" someone out.
The short answer is that there's a few things happening here.
1) your penis responds to stimuli. It is designed to do that and it doesn't matter what that stimuli is. The penis doesn't have a mini brain that judges the incoming stimuli and goes, "oh no, I'm not responding to that!".
2) This is an association response. The different parts of your brain are receiving and sending messages throughout you (heart beats faster, hands get sweaty) as you recall past (present & future too) events, and certain associations/events in that past caused an erection &/or stimulation of what we interpret as pleasure in the penis (whether wanted it or not, see 1 above) and your penis reacts as if the same thing is happening. The penis doesn't know the past from the present.
3) If you hadn't had these abuse events and had 'normal'/positive sexual encounters at developmentally appropriate times, the associations would have been made to respond to that stimuli. If you have had positive sexual experiences after the abuse, that doesn't automatically replace the ones you don't like. Insted, an additional association is made.

So, there's no need to be freaked out by this. As you process the events with a T you often change this response, but you can also inform you T about it if you want to directly address this response.
Try to keep in mind that this isn't a defect in character, this is biology.

~Paul/blacken/Moderator/Therapist by Profession
 
blacken said:
It is totally understandable how this could "freak" someone out.
The short answer is that there's a few things happening here.
1) your penis responds to stimuli. It is designed to do that and it dgh oesn't matter what that stimuli is. The penis doesn't have a mini brain that judges the incoming stimuli and goes, "oh no, I'm not respond to that!".
2) This is an association response. The different parts of your brain are receiving and sending messages throughout you (heart beats faster, hands get sweaty) as you recall past (present & future too) events, and certain associations/events in that past caused an erection &/or stimulation of what we interpret as pleasure in the penis (whether wanted or not, see 1 above) and your penis reacts as if the same thing is happening. The penis doesn't know the past from the present.
3) If you hadn't had these abuse events and had 'normal'/positive sexual encounters at developmentally appropriate times, the associations would have been made to respond to that stimuli. If you have had positive sexual experiences after the abuse, that doesn't automatically replace the ones you don't like. Instead, an additional association is made.

So, there's no need to be freaked out by this. As you process the events with a T you often change this response, but you can also inform you T about it if you want to directly address this response.
Try to keep in mind that this isn't a defect in character, this is biology.

~Paul/blacken/Moderator/Therapist by Profession
Click to expand...
A very good explanation. It is difficult to say the least when one becomes aroused when discussing the abuse. I struggled with this, since I would take it one step further- and the logical thinking was "what kind of filthy disgusting(fill in any and all derogatory, vile words) are you!!!! this CSA and you are finding this arousing?!!!!!! It certainly added fuel to the forest fire of self loathing. The T I was working with at the time, gave me a similar, but very simplified version of what blacken has so well stated- "the brain just sees it all as sex, not good sex or bad sex. Just sex"
 
@blacken Said it the best on understanding there is nothing wrong with us when that occurs. I look at it like the Pavlov dog experiment, we were just trained and you cant control erection occurring from stimulation even hard to do as an adult. I think another thing that may play a role is being told by our abusers that we “like it” because we have an erection. That gets into our brain and we then we believe it is true.

I have a female T’s on my abuse. This issue was a very hard topic for me to bring up due to shame more so than embarrassment though I was embarrassed. I have come to be at peace with it when it happens.
 
smc1972 said:
@blacken Said it the best on understanding there is nothing wrong with us when that occurs. I look at it like the Pavlov dog experiment, we were just trained and you cant control erection occurring from stimulation even hard to do as an adult. I think another thing that may play a role is being told by our abusers that we “like it” because we have an erection. That gets into our brain and we then we believe it is true.

I have a female T’s on my abuse. This issue was a very hard topic for me to bring up due to shame more so than embarrassment though I was embarrassed. I have come to be at peace with it when it happens.
Click to expand...
Damn! I heard that so many times- "you like it". Slime bag bastards.
 
This thread is kind of a jaw-drop for me.

I have experienced this too and mentally just put in in the "I am a freak"- or "my body betrayed me again"-categories.

Have not dared to discuss this with my therapist (how absurd this may sound). Maybe I will. Maybe won't (still afraid of the response, I have to admit).

All I can say I am lucky to be here.
 
John Silver said:
This thread is kind of a jaw-drop for me.

I have experienced this too and mentally just put in in the "I am a freak"- or "my body betrayed me again"-categories.

Have not dared to discuss this with my therapist (how absurd this may sound). Maybe I will. Maybe won't (still afraid of the response, I have to admit).

All I can say I am lucky to be here.
Click to expand...
No it is not absurd that that you "have not dared" to discuss this with your therapist. Truthfully it does not matter if yo ever do or not. Just as long as you understand what is happening and why and do not condemn yourself for what is a normal physiological response as blacken so well explains. I truly wish you peace and healing. Take care.
 
Happened again last time. Did some EMDR and this time we focused on one of the most traumatic experiences involving... swallowing. In the end I was quite shattered and had to fight back tears and sobbed that this is enough.

Fortunately did not result in worsening of symptoms after that, but I was no more freaked about the very slight erection that most likely resulted from the strong emotional state I had.
 
John Silver said:
Happened again last time. Did some EMDR and this time we focused on one of the most traumatic experiences involving... swallowing. In the end I was quite shattered and had to fight back tears and sobbed that this is enough.

Fortunately did not result in worsening of symptoms after that, but I was no more freaked about the very slight erection that most likely resulted from the strong emotional state I had.
Click to expand...
I know EMDR can be very painful at times. It is like dealing with an infected and festering wound that needs to be cleaned out so healing can take place. The end results are worth the pain and effort required. Take care.
 
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