Abuse flashbacks causing arousal

[deedeeiny60]

Jack, I can relate to that. Sometimes I g e r psychological pleasure of things from my childhood abuse or related to. And yes I find sometimes going back when stressed. Sex for me in some ways is anti stress.

 

[KevinGKG]

ook me a long time to understand how our developing brain was hijacked

A good way to see it. I had a therapist who brought up the same wording when I discussed / disclosed some of my experiences with my mother's boyfriend and my sister.

 

[KevinGKG]

I have recently had one memory in particular that is very pleasurable and I find myself going back to it especially when I'm stressed.

Reading this had me nodding in affirmation (which seems silly sitting at a computer). Anyhow, yes. I self-soothed or whatever you'd call it this way for years. Still do from time to time. I felt tremendous guilt and shame about it for many years, but am mostly at peace with it now.

 

[Morelion]

I had several abuse situations. A couple that were painful and very troubling. A couple others that weren't painful at all. Just confusing. I get aroused thinking about those and fantasize about doing some of those things with men to this day. I can also become aroused when thinking about the painful experiences and want to feel the pain again. Even more pain and by multiple men at the same time. I want to punish myself and get humiliated. No idea why because in no way does that seem fun. Going to try working through this with my new T.

 

[JC1]

This bothered me a lot also. The T told me the brain just sees it all as sex not good or bad sex. That made sense. In my case much of the time I was being stimulated and often experienced orgasms while being forced to perform sex acts. With those memories, thoughts, dreams etc. there is arousal. Now that I have greater understanding it does not create the self loathing it did in the past.

I am glad you said this. This was/is the case with me. I struggled with feeling that way, but at least now I have some understanding of where it comes from.