Trauma of omission and " daddy" issues
deedeeiny60
Registrant
I have posted here some of my traumas that went on while I was a child. I want now to address a different kind of trauma, a trauma of omission.
I call it omission because it refers to my father not protecting me from abuse
My father never actively abused me but he actually was aware of some of the abuse particularly by my brother and aunts.
I resent a lot of him not taking any actions to stop the abuse. That for me is another kind of abuse leading to trauma
Here the trauma is feeling that no one came to defend me.
A father is a figure or should be if protection.
Feeling that absence was very harmful for me. I craved that protection desperately. I lost my father when I was 12. That also was traumatic for me.
At that time I got angry at him for dying and letting me alone.
Then as I have told here before came my uncle. My father was never very affective but my uncle was. He showered me, a loving hunger boy with lots of physical attention. I felt that he was a surrogate daddy for me. He was affectionate but also was grooming me for his sexual interests.
My uncle passed away later but his image was ingrained on my brain. I still crave of men like him. He was both affectionate and controlling g being an alpha male in all. Dominant, controlling g and I was already a submissive docile child. A "perfect" arrangement that led me to become more submissive on my relations. I still crave for dominant men. Also my father always wanted me to call him father so "daddy" became my uncle.
I think both of these situations as a boy are related in my emotions.
The back of a fatherly figure until 13 and then replaced by a sexual abuser.
Abuse because of my age that was too young to decide. Even thought I liked most of the sexual aspects of my relationship with uncle.
Yes I craved for that I was an affection hungry boy. He knew it and used it. But I was never physically abused by him
He was gentle even when he was hurting me with penetration. It became pleasure/pain. I liked it and still does.
Even when married to a woman I craved a " daddy" relationship with men outside marriage.
Yes maybe I have still "daddy" issues...
I call it omission because it refers to my father not protecting me from abuse
My father never actively abused me but he actually was aware of some of the abuse particularly by my brother and aunts.
I resent a lot of him not taking any actions to stop the abuse. That for me is another kind of abuse leading to trauma
Here the trauma is feeling that no one came to defend me.
A father is a figure or should be if protection.
Feeling that absence was very harmful for me. I craved that protection desperately. I lost my father when I was 12. That also was traumatic for me.
At that time I got angry at him for dying and letting me alone.
Then as I have told here before came my uncle. My father was never very affective but my uncle was. He showered me, a loving hunger boy with lots of physical attention. I felt that he was a surrogate daddy for me. He was affectionate but also was grooming me for his sexual interests.
My uncle passed away later but his image was ingrained on my brain. I still crave of men like him. He was both affectionate and controlling g being an alpha male in all. Dominant, controlling g and I was already a submissive docile child. A "perfect" arrangement that led me to become more submissive on my relations. I still crave for dominant men. Also my father always wanted me to call him father so "daddy" became my uncle.
I think both of these situations as a boy are related in my emotions.
The back of a fatherly figure until 13 and then replaced by a sexual abuser.
Abuse because of my age that was too young to decide. Even thought I liked most of the sexual aspects of my relationship with uncle.
Yes I craved for that I was an affection hungry boy. He knew it and used it. But I was never physically abused by him
He was gentle even when he was hurting me with penetration. It became pleasure/pain. I liked it and still does.
Even when married to a woman I craved a " daddy" relationship with men outside marriage.
Yes maybe I have still "daddy" issues...
