my story

my story
S

StrugglingGuy

Registrant
About Me

My Father beat me from as early as I can remember for wetting the bed amongst other things. I was molested my an Uncle when I was young and then, when I was 10 or 11, I ended up seducing my friend's Dad over the course of a few months which, ended up in a love affair lasting for years. I have been addicted to masturbation since I was 12 years old. I've been addicted to the Internet and Porn since 1996, I was addicted to role-playing that I was a 12 y/o with men. I've been in counselling the last 4 years and I am doing pretty good. I am addicted to reading stories like what happened to me and still have those urges and I could use some support from other guys like me.

Feel free to message me at any time to chat.
 
Hello Strugglingguy. Thank you for sharing your story. I hate it that your father was so cruel to you. No child should be beaten for anything but especially not for something that isn't even his fault. Sadly, I imagine your father's beating you led to you wetting the bed even more, which lead to more beatings, etc. Like a vicious cycle. Christ, that's horrible! :(

I'm sorry that your uncle chose to hurt you. Also, please know that what happened between you and your friend's father was not your fault. It was triggering for me to read that part but that's not your fault either. That said, even though you may have initiated the sexual contact with your friend's dad, you were just a little kid who was acting out his abuse and recreating it. Perhaps you were trying to recreate the abuse in a situation where you felt like you were the one in control of it. Could that have been it? You were trying to take back the control that was taken from you by your uncle? Either way, it was still abuse and I'm sorry it happened to you. Take care. Peace,

Ken
 
StrugglingGuy,

Just know that you are not alone, and that you have many brothers here. Welcome to MS.

Cant
 
Welcome to MS, we are all basically the same but with different stories, I been addicted to masterbating since I was like 12 also and I am 50 now. I started going to T resinly and don't know if that is helping yet, I think we all strive to be normal, I know I do....
 
StrugglingGuy, et. al.

Welcome to M S I hope you find it safe here as I have. Your father probably did not beat you for any reason other than he was angry. What ever excuse he used, it was irrelevant. My father physically abused me from the age of 4. My father beat my mother once or twice a week and one of us kids weekly.

You were sexually abused by your uncle, at least you are clear about that.

Your friends dad was the adult. You were the kid. You did not have the power to cause the sexual relationship with this man. Legally, you were raped. You were not of the age of consent and he was more than 5 years older than you.

That he allowed you to hold onto the belief that you seduced him, is part of the abuse that this adult imposed on you to reduce his guilt and shame. I am sorry you did not have the ego strength to understand this, but if you had you probably would not have needed the relationship, so the discussion is just nuts.

I don't know what qualifies me to be like you. I think I am, course I think if you need this site then we are all the same anyway.

Again, welcome, I hope you find the support you are looking for.
 
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StrugglingGuy

Thanks for sharing your story. I am truly sorry for what happened to you. No kid deserves that. You have come to the right place to find guys like you.

I have to agree with the others in saying that your friend's dad abused you pure and simple. It was his job to not allow it. No 10 year old can seduce an 'normal' adult.

I was abused from a young age too and became a very sexualised kid. I was manipulated into a sexual relationship with an older boy when I was 10 and it lasted for years too. Mbing addiction too. It started at 10 for me.

Take you time reading stories here and like Will said remember that behind each one is a hurt little boy.

I wish you well in your journey.

Lee

PS. love the Stig BTW. I actually have a figurine of him staring at me that the kids gave me for Christmas.
 
Hey Guys:

Thanks for supporting me and the great advice. As for my friend's Dad.. yeah I know it was wrong that we ended up having sex but really it wasn't his fault either. I was pretty persistent and kept enticing him for almost a year before he finally gave in to my advances. He was the Dad I never had.. so kind.. so gentle. I think he saw the pain in my eyes, he didn't want me to hurt any longer. He knew my Father was abusive and even confronted him on it, to no avail. I'm not making excuses for what happened, believe me he felt tremendous guilt over our affair. He knew it was wrong Anyways.. I hope this clears some things up.

Chase Eric.. thanks for understanding my Roleplaying problem. It's something I'm working on. I was told I should seek a Man who will Roleplay in person. Don't know if I'm ready for that.

Farmer Boy.. Thanks for your insight as well.

Thanks to everyone for your advice and support. It truly means a lot!

Thanks again!
 
Welcome to MS, SG. It's a place of support and healing. You have made a great decision and I am like the others in wishing you well in your journey toward healing.

...."I think he saw the pain in my eyes..."

Yes, I am certain he saw the pain in your eyes. For all the guys who sexually assaulted me, I am certain they saw the pain in my eyes. It doesn't excuse them for what they did. It actually identifies them as sexual predators looking for the weakened prey.

Like you, I felt the same way for the older man who used me through my teen years. I cared very much for him, and the "affair" (abuse) lasted for almost 5 years and was sexual in nature. But it should not have happened, I was a kid of 13-14 when it started and things were pulled from my life that I will never know.

You did not seduce your dad's friend. Your dad's friend discovered your weakness, preyed upon you vulnerability, and enjoyed sex with a little boy for years. That makes him a pedophile. Not a loving caring individual.

Again, I wish you well in healing and sharing and growing. Share often and take everything in stride. Be in no hurry and deal with what you can, when you can. You are embraced with like-minded men in this place.

b
 
your story just reminded me of my early childhood, before my dad left the family. we would submit to morning inspection, and anyone with a wet bed or pajamas got a whipping, with a whip.
i was so scared of the whip that i tried everything to avoid pissing the bed at night. i tried staying up all night. did not work... fell asleep and woke up wet. i tried wrapping myself up in a blanket like a giant diaper under my pj pants, then hiding the wet blanket, but that just leaked through.
i stopped drinking liquids after supper but that drove me crazy with thirst. i simply could not understand why it was my fault that i could not wake up before going pee. i finally came up with the plan... strip naked and crawl into my sisters bed in the middle of the night, wake up early enough to put my pajamas back on and jump into my own dry bed. this worked well for the first few nights, although i felt really bad when my sister got whipped instead of me, but she always peed the bed with or without my help. however, one night she caught me wetting her bed, told dad, and i got a double whipping. finally it ended when he left us. i was about 6 or 7 when he left. i continued to wet the bed until my early teens. this made overnighting at friends houses very problematic. i always slept naked whenever possible. i still do. the bed-wetting stopped and i still do not know how or why.

the point is... no amount of punishment or embarassment could cure me of the bedwetting. i had no control. believe me, i would have stopped it if i could have. the whippings were a terrifying ordeal, which i still remember to this day.
 
Thanks Guys for the feedback. I'm not asking for anyone's validation but welcome the support anytime. I honestly don't think he was a pedophile.. even though he did have sex with me. It was wrong and I know that.. and he more than anyone knew that. I'm not blaming myself for what happened either. The law is the law and a grown Man can not have sex with an 11 year old Boy.. its that simple.

Thanks again for your reply!
 
Victor:

Your post just made me cry. It brought back flashbacks I thought I had buried away. My bedwetting ended when I was 13 but not the before daily morning sadistic ritual my Father no doubt got off on. It really scars a Boy for life. I often tell other guys on here that getting beat every day for wetting the bed was far worse than being sexually molested.. and it was. My Mom died just before my 8th birthday and the beatings only got worse from then on. I remember when they told me that she died I immediately thought that my Father had killed her. I wished that it had been him who died instead of her. I prayed that I would be adopted into a good home but that never happened.

Thank you Victor for sharing your story with me. It mskes be feel that I am truly not alone.

Thanks again.
 
Hey SG, I have taught junior high and I can assure you that no fifth or sixth grade boy would ever think to sexually initiate a relationship with an adult male or female. He might reenact sexual trauma however. The adult male used you for his own personal sexual interests. He seems to have been emotionally manipulative as well. You seem to imply that the "relationship" was mutual. Here is the struggle for all survivors - having to learn the true meaning of love and the role of sex in it.
 
When I say I give up I mean I am tired of defending myself.

Seeking out stories that are like our experiences is another way for me to try and make me feel "normal." It wasn't normal, the fact thAt everyone knows it was wrong is an obvious indicator.

You need to be willing to work with you therapist to acknowledge what your losses were and what you do today to compensate. For me the sexual abuse was less terrifying than the physical abuse, made it easy for me to minimize what happened.

all of the abuse took more from me than I am willing to admit. I am glad you feel the progress that 4 years of therapy has had for you

Vaya Con Dios

Go with God
 
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