Terra Incognita
Disclosure: My dad was not in any way involved in my abuse. However, after tackling the csa, I see how my childhood perhaps set me up for what happened at summer camp. My dad traveled a lot for business. Consequently, he was a great provider of material things, but fell short in emotional availability. What I jotted down here on New Year's Eve was a stream of conscious thought about my life.
Dad,
What is the measure of a man? You are loving though you are hard to love. Our relationship as father and son is one of criticism and compassion. Are my efforts good enough? Are you disappointed? Did I make the grade?
You overcame.
You mined the ore and found the gold.
Will I find it before I grow old?
Are my feet too leaden to move with haste?
Are the ghosts I run from quicker than the ones you chase?
Who will cross the finish line first?
Who will die of thirst?
As you are to the father before you, I am your immortality.
What is done is done.
What Will be Will be.
Alea iacta est
Will
Dad,
What is the measure of a man? You are loving though you are hard to love. Our relationship as father and son is one of criticism and compassion. Are my efforts good enough? Are you disappointed? Did I make the grade?
You overcame.
You mined the ore and found the gold.
Will I find it before I grow old?
Are my feet too leaden to move with haste?
Are the ghosts I run from quicker than the ones you chase?
Who will cross the finish line first?
Who will die of thirst?
As you are to the father before you, I am your immortality.
What is done is done.
What Will be Will be.
Alea iacta est
Will