Still reconnecting with my abuser all these years later

[Shyconfusedandrecovering]

I’m sorry that happened to you. But, you weren’t complicit; abusers have a way of manipulating you into feeling responsible for things that you had no control of.

 

[Freehouse]

Honestly, the way he made me feel was euphoric. A number of firsts with him obviously. If I could go back and relive it all, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Again, sick and twisted…

I don’t want to relate but I do. It’s twisted but some of it felt good.

 

[dcwofhs90]

I don’t want to relate but I do. It’s twisted but some of it felt good.

Pretty much everything I did with him felt good...even the anal. It hurt, but as I've often described it, was a "good hurt." Maybe my body interpreted the hurt differently because of how good he made me feel in all the other ways... including the love and attention I needed.

 

[Freehouse]

@dcwofhs90 that would hold true for me as well. Even the painful parts such as anal still aroused me—and later become satisfying. I felt love even though it was abuse.

 

[dcwofhs90]

@dcwofhs90 that would hold true for me as well. Even the painful parts such as anal still aroused me—and later become satisfying. I felt love even though it was abuse.

It's really hard to describe how I felt at first. How can something that hurts feel good? Many guys describe it as "excruciatingly painful," but for me, it really didn't hurt a lot. I guess I'm lucky that he took measures to keep the pain at bay. He was loving and caring...but he was abusing me. He was screwing me up mentally but I loved every moment and encouraged it.

Damn. I need a beer.

 

[My.shame.is.my.shine]

It hurts but it’s who we are now. I embrace being gay now and I’ve found much healing

 

[My.shame.is.my.shine]

I’m back in therapy and I’ve learned I was groomed and became addicted to the rush which formed a trauma bond. I’ve been in touch with this guy now for 20 years but now he has a husband and won’t talk to me.

 

[Georgie]

Won't talk to you? Probably ashamed and frightened of outing.