The first part of my abuse I really hated but later after I decided to just give in, I started to enjoy the abuse and later found I loved it. When I first had sexual experiences as an adult I never really re-enacted. That would've been to scary as it would have either involved the parts I hated or it would've involver the parts that would lead me down a difficult path.
I liked (loved) 100% of it. If I could go back in time and relive it all again, I would in a heartbeat. No question.
I still fall victim to the aggressive domination of my abuser periodically when I relapse and he uses me hard penetration humiliation and makes me choke on his 9inch cock he still makes me feel like nothing yet I submit to him
I kept seeing my abuser for years, I didn’t feel like I really had a choice. I’m so sorry that you went through a similar experience. But, I know what it’s like to feel like you’re the only one, and that isn’t true.
I take it he was unsuccessful because of your resistance, and I compliment you for that.
Yes it was. I had tried to "bury the hatchet" and let him live with me. It was an old beat up trailer in the rural area west of Boise. He never paid the very small amount of rent that we had agreed upon. A whopping $100 per month.. no utilities or anything else. So after 4 months, I put his stuff out on the sofa and let someone else move in to my extra bedroom. He came in drunk one night and tried to demand that I uproot this person who had actually paid. When he made a step forward, I threw a roofing hammer and missed his right ear. I did not intend to miss. He then tried to threaten me and my reply was, "Well, lets find out. I have a nail gun here". As I raised it up, he said, "can I have a blanket". I threw it at him and he slept in his truck that night. We briefly met in 2012 and that ends this terrible story.
I never thought of it that way before, codependency. That’s a great point.
I never thought of it that way before, codependency. That’s a great point.
You aren’t alone. My abuser used similar manipulative control methods on me.
Seems like we have a lot in common; I could've written that!
I let my abuser brother live with me three times when he was homeless but each time he did something unacceptable and I had to kick him out. Last time I saw him was when I took him to a hospice where he died about ten days later from alcoholic liver failure. We had similar CSA as kids and despite that I had a fairly successful life and his was a never ending disaster. I don't hate him. I only feel pity.
I would feel pity for him as well. My abuser faced some issues but no abuse of any kind. The mother abandoned him and his two brothers in an apartment in Idaho Falls. They were found by my mother 4 days later and were not doing well. He was 3 at this time.
