*Triggers Possible* Hide and seek, but in more detail
blackrabbit223
Registrant
Trigger Warnings: Hide and Seek, Sexual Abuse (implied).
Something my partner liked to do was play this game with me, starting when I was around 19-20. They lived in a big house in the country with an even bigger yard. There was a field leading to a nearby woods at the left of the house, which is where we'd play.
The entire "game" had this weird sexual undertone that I couldn't figure out. But it would happen before the abuse, which is I think why it stuck with me. They called it "primal" or a predator/prey dynamic. There were rules as with a normal game, but I only remember a few. If I managed to hide before they found me, which was rare, I'd get "rewarded" with sex. More often, they found me, and got to pick what they wanted to do. None of which I agreed to, not with the grooming having been instilled in my brain.
The Rules:
1. The hider was a rabbit
2. The seeker was a wolf/stoat/dog/other animal that eats rabbits. It varied.
3. Seeker counts down for 30 seconds while hider hides
4. Then they come look for the hider
Imagine hiding from Michael Meyers in the middle of the woods, at night. That's how dangerous I perceived it to be. It felt like I was being hunted, genuinely. Because of course I would, I had to hide from my abuser. But I didn't understand that at the time, I just thought I was overreacting. I didn't realize they were genuinely dangerous - this happened a couple years after they'd strangled me.
I was a terrible seeker. They'd think it was hilarious when I'd pace around the yard looking for them and being confused, but the worst part was having to hide. I was terrible at that too. I can't run to save my life, I get out of breath in a few seconds when I sprint.
I could've done as much as I physically could, and they'd still find me. I remember one time I went as far as to hide in the blackberries and ended up with scrapes on my arms. The thing is, they had wilderness survival training from a camp they went to. I was outmatched from the start, because they were likely tracking me as they would've tracked a prey animal. A deer, or something.
I can't really remember what happened when they found me, that's pretty repressed honestly, but it probably wasn't good. I'm guessing there would've been an animalistic/roleplay element to whatever sexual abuse happened afterwards. Lots of biting from the "wolf", or being called rabbit/bunny (I vaguely remember this happening?) They really liked to treat me like various animals, but I think this was their favorite. More action than just laying in bed.
To this day, I have a lot of strange phobias from this experience, even though it happened less often compared to the outright sexual abuse. Like a fear of the woods, my fear of the dark got way worse, of dogs. I can hear a dog bark and be okay unless it's really aggressive barking which would scare anyone. It's when they run up to you that gets me. I don't react well to being startled, or rushed at. Even standing in line triggers that I'm being chased instinct sometimes. I can't hear people count out loud without panicking, but especially that drawn-out counting. If someone were to say, "1.. 2.. 3.." right now, my first instinct would be to run and hide.
I don't like talking about this very much, but I need to bring it up somewhere and right now this is the best available place. My stomach hurts writing about it. I know it's an odd set of circumstances, but I hope you will understand. Thank you for listening.
Something my partner liked to do was play this game with me, starting when I was around 19-20. They lived in a big house in the country with an even bigger yard. There was a field leading to a nearby woods at the left of the house, which is where we'd play.
The entire "game" had this weird sexual undertone that I couldn't figure out. But it would happen before the abuse, which is I think why it stuck with me. They called it "primal" or a predator/prey dynamic. There were rules as with a normal game, but I only remember a few. If I managed to hide before they found me, which was rare, I'd get "rewarded" with sex. More often, they found me, and got to pick what they wanted to do. None of which I agreed to, not with the grooming having been instilled in my brain.
The Rules:
1. The hider was a rabbit
2. The seeker was a wolf/stoat/dog/other animal that eats rabbits. It varied.
3. Seeker counts down for 30 seconds while hider hides
4. Then they come look for the hider
Imagine hiding from Michael Meyers in the middle of the woods, at night. That's how dangerous I perceived it to be. It felt like I was being hunted, genuinely. Because of course I would, I had to hide from my abuser. But I didn't understand that at the time, I just thought I was overreacting. I didn't realize they were genuinely dangerous - this happened a couple years after they'd strangled me.
I was a terrible seeker. They'd think it was hilarious when I'd pace around the yard looking for them and being confused, but the worst part was having to hide. I was terrible at that too. I can't run to save my life, I get out of breath in a few seconds when I sprint.
I could've done as much as I physically could, and they'd still find me. I remember one time I went as far as to hide in the blackberries and ended up with scrapes on my arms. The thing is, they had wilderness survival training from a camp they went to. I was outmatched from the start, because they were likely tracking me as they would've tracked a prey animal. A deer, or something.
I can't really remember what happened when they found me, that's pretty repressed honestly, but it probably wasn't good. I'm guessing there would've been an animalistic/roleplay element to whatever sexual abuse happened afterwards. Lots of biting from the "wolf", or being called rabbit/bunny (I vaguely remember this happening?) They really liked to treat me like various animals, but I think this was their favorite. More action than just laying in bed.
To this day, I have a lot of strange phobias from this experience, even though it happened less often compared to the outright sexual abuse. Like a fear of the woods, my fear of the dark got way worse, of dogs. I can hear a dog bark and be okay unless it's really aggressive barking which would scare anyone. It's when they run up to you that gets me. I don't react well to being startled, or rushed at. Even standing in line triggers that I'm being chased instinct sometimes. I can't hear people count out loud without panicking, but especially that drawn-out counting. If someone were to say, "1.. 2.. 3.." right now, my first instinct would be to run and hide.
I don't like talking about this very much, but I need to bring it up somewhere and right now this is the best available place. My stomach hurts writing about it. I know it's an odd set of circumstances, but I hope you will understand. Thank you for listening.
