Father and Mother Wound
"The father wound hits the core of identity. The father was supposed to be the first mirror of healthy masculinity. A reference for balanced strength, grounded presence, and emotional courage. When that mirror is cracked or missing, the result is a man divided, confident on the outside but empty on the inside. Afraid someone will see through the mask and see he's not enough. Becoming hypercompetitive, needing to control, or prove something. And/or, avoid conflict, withdraw from life, and shrink. Waiting for permission to fully exist in either case."
"The mother is the first image if the world. When that image fails, the child doesn't just feel pain, they build an inner world where love is unstable and affection is dangerous. The self must be reshaped to survive emotionally."
I saw some videos about Carl Jung and these were lines in them that described something that fit so perfectly amd painfully.
It might not always be biological parents, but those who were in that guardian role can cause this.
I feel divided. I present as confident on the outside and empty feelings on the inside. I am hypercompetitive and feel the need to prove something, but never fulfilled. I also avoid conflict, withdraw from life, and shrink. I feel like I'm waiting for permission to fully exist. Afraid that I'll be exposed as not enough. I feel that love is unstable and affection can be dangerous (mistrust). I've reshaped myself emotionally to survive.
Facing all of this feels like an identity crisis. That's why it hurts so much and is so fucking hard. Throw on all the other abuse, neglect, and self destructive crap along the way and it feels overwhelmingly unbearable at times.
There are conflicting parts. One that says fuck all of you and what you did and didn't do. One that says I love you for the bits of what I did get, no matter how fucked up at times. One that understands that hurt people hurt people and another that says fuck that, you aren't letting them off the hook that easy. One that wants to let go of all of this emotional mess and one that wants to hang on to and feel all of it no matter how uncomfortable.
I'm trying to fill the missing voids myself and maybe feel safe enough to allow others in to help in some ways. It feels like an internal battle.
Maybe this is what it all is and maybe needs to be. I'm not sure what I need or want in all of this. Maybe this is part of giving myself permission to exist and letting others see that I am enough even if Ifeel flawed. I'm probably not the only one that feels some of this. It hurts to think others suffer like this too.
"The mother is the first image if the world. When that image fails, the child doesn't just feel pain, they build an inner world where love is unstable and affection is dangerous. The self must be reshaped to survive emotionally."
I saw some videos about Carl Jung and these were lines in them that described something that fit so perfectly amd painfully.
It might not always be biological parents, but those who were in that guardian role can cause this.
I feel divided. I present as confident on the outside and empty feelings on the inside. I am hypercompetitive and feel the need to prove something, but never fulfilled. I also avoid conflict, withdraw from life, and shrink. I feel like I'm waiting for permission to fully exist. Afraid that I'll be exposed as not enough. I feel that love is unstable and affection can be dangerous (mistrust). I've reshaped myself emotionally to survive.
Facing all of this feels like an identity crisis. That's why it hurts so much and is so fucking hard. Throw on all the other abuse, neglect, and self destructive crap along the way and it feels overwhelmingly unbearable at times.
There are conflicting parts. One that says fuck all of you and what you did and didn't do. One that says I love you for the bits of what I did get, no matter how fucked up at times. One that understands that hurt people hurt people and another that says fuck that, you aren't letting them off the hook that easy. One that wants to let go of all of this emotional mess and one that wants to hang on to and feel all of it no matter how uncomfortable.
I'm trying to fill the missing voids myself and maybe feel safe enough to allow others in to help in some ways. It feels like an internal battle.
Maybe this is what it all is and maybe needs to be. I'm not sure what I need or want in all of this. Maybe this is part of giving myself permission to exist and letting others see that I am enough even if Ifeel flawed. I'm probably not the only one that feels some of this. It hurts to think others suffer like this too.