Effected and still controlled by my dick.

[840mousebird]

I've realized today that I will always be effected by the sound of a dog drinking or licking. How it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me but also makes me erect.

And how many times a day I will then have to push certain thoughts out of my head or my day will be completely controlled by them. Like, the feeling of being chastised while my pants are down. Being told my pants are down because I have thing thing between my legs. This thing that's offensive to look at for the girls but I just keep fucking up and must be shamed.

I'll never forget the command "tail on the floor" where she required my penis to stay on the floor no matter what happened. Whether I was getting beat or she was having her dogs lick my front side. Tail was to stay ON the floor, or tail gets beat or stepped on. Because you don't shake your tail at her. That's disgusting.

I'll never forget the feeling of being licked there. Especially if I wasn't aroused. The agonizing humiliation. And then the feelings of being licked, while being scolded or having my face slapped. Or even worse, being licked there while getting my ass spanked. And that tail better not leave the floor or I'll be presenting it to be smacked.

Then sent to my room with no pants. Maybe a shirt and unallowed to touch myself ever. The torture that fucking was. I didn't know why I wanted to touch it so much. I was taught that it was why I had so many problems. I figured mine wasnt normal because I was so hairy. Or that I was gross. I did see my adopted dad's genitals once on accident... I was sneaking up for water and realized...she had him in the same control as me. Dick on the floor lol. No wonder he let all that shit happen. He was in on it too.

I don't know if she made the dogs lick his privates too but I always imagined so.

A long time ago I asked on here if you had to choose between getting your privates spanked or licked by a dog what would you choose and nobody would tell me. It was often a requirement of mine to choose. I just wanted to know.

 

[Jack1]

My 5th grade teacher once sent home a note to my mother that said she needed to do something because I was repeatedly caught playing with myself when in reality I was adjusting my erection. My mother became extremely angry that I had embarrassed her. She made me stand in front of her with my pants down around my ankles as she slapped my face and penis repeatedly. When I raised my hand to deflect her slaps she accused me of trying to strike her and she punched me in the face. It's no wonder I ended up with CPTSD.

I don't think I can choose licking or slapping since I experienced both and more and liked neither.

 

[Curiouspaints]

@840mousebird you where heard

 

[GaD3!]

This is not an answer to your question, rather a question. Have you addressed your abuse in therapy? It is not an easy fix, but you do have the right to peace and healing.

 

[AltAppletree]

My mother became extremely angry that I had embarrassed her. She made me stand in front of her with my pants down around my ankles as she slapped my face and penis repeatedly. When I raised my hand to deflect her slaps she accused me of trying to strike her and she punched me in the face. It's no wonder I ended up with CPTSD.

I am sorry for you that this happened. I only comment on it because it reminds me of something my mother did on a few occasions. It was so out of character and so strange for her that looking back I realize something else was going on with her mental health. I had an erection at a socially inappropriate time (it is considered inappropriate at a nude beach/camp/social event). She wouldn't let me forget what happened. She didn't strike me in the face thank goodness but she did slap and spank a few times. I remember how embarrassing and scary it was. I hope you are able to put that sort of memory in a "box" and get better.

 

[NAM]

I had an erection at a socially inappropriate time (it is considered inappropriate at a nude beach/camp/social event). She wouldn't let me forget what happened. She didn't strike me in the face thank goodness but she did slap and spank a few times. I remember how embarrassing and scary it was.

Thant sounds so scary and embarrassing. It's really not fair to do that when you were a child that wasn't trying to be sexual. It reminds me of when my aunt was giving me a bath and cleaning my penis vigorously. Which caused an erection on more than one occasion. She scolded me for it and called me names. I remember feeling so ashamed and humiliated and being told that I needed to learn to control my “thing.”

 

[GaD3!]

Thant sounds so scary and embarrassing. It's really not fair to do that when you were a child that wasn't trying to be sexual. It reminds me of when my aunt was giving me a bath and cleaning my penis vigorously. Which caused an erection on more than one occasion. She scolded me for it and called me names. I remember feeling so ashamed and humiliated and being told that I needed to learn to control my “thing.”

That is ridiculous! How could she not know that if a penis is touched in such a manner that it will respond. And why was she "vigorously" cleaning your penis? It is not like you were using it to dig in the dirt!

 

[NAM]

That is ridiculous! How could she not know that if a penis is touched in such a manner that it will respond. And why was she "vigorously" cleaning your penis? It is not like you were using it to dig in the dirt!

I was never clean enough to her satisfaction and I assume, looked at as a pervert for the way my body responded. She would tell me how you have to keep it clean or they have to cut it off.

 

[.aseity]

I've realized today that I will always be effected by the sound of a dog drinking or licking

i can understand this. it is triggering, but it is next to impossible to completely avoid triggers as impossible as it is to avoid dogs, they're everywhere from strays in the street to household pets, citizens who sit in driver seats of cars and walk through public buildings. and to suggest that a dog is the problem is blasphemous, we are the freaks we are the problem in society.. it's easier to remove myself than advocate for myself. i can't carry around some creditials that states i have a right to not be around someone's dog. no. i must cope and act normal. it's not comfortable but i do cope. wish we didn't have to cope, wish we could just be ok, but hey.. life..

i admit @840mousebird though we've talked before , i have gone through a phase which i haven't read your posts for months, because it's a triggering subject for me. i support that you have this space to be open and share what is important to you, I'd never want to get between you and your resources here. whatever it is you need to discuss about the abuse you suffered, you have this space.

over the course of my 2 years here in the forums ive discovered how much i am not alone in the types of abuses in my life, including sexual abuse with animals, animals being killed in front of me, being treated like an animal. it's really grotesque, but, it's still important to talk about when we are ready. this stuff can easily be overwhelming to any of us, and i hope you have a good grip on yourself through this stuff on the day to day basis. theres aspects of my life that are sort of normalized for me so im not so affected by it as much as i see others bothered by it. trauma is complicated. its been awhile since i had the nerve to read your post so i wanted to reply with something. i hope you're well. last i recall you went back to your foster family's house where the abuse took place. how did that go? how have you been?

and sorry i still don't have an answer to your ultimatum. i could easily ask something like "would you rather stay in the home where being abused or go live on the streets?" a while back i listening to a podcast where my friend got to distinguishing between having choices and having to make a decision. that's the thing, you didn't have a choice, it was abuse.

 

[GaD3!]

I was never clean enough to her satisfaction and I assume, looked at as a pervert for the way my body responded. She would tell me how you have to keep it clean or they have to cut it off.

From what you state it seems she had some mental issues. I assume you are uncircumcised? Even then one does not need to vigorously scrub their penis.