Update
840mousebird
Registrant
I was really struggling after my last post and had to get off of her a while.
I've been asked about my relationship with the other siblings I grew up around...there's none. I was never really part of the family and kept separate from them. I don't think mom even has a relationship with them... or anyone besides her neighbor friends or church people.
I've gotten into a better routine. I've talked with her about having more autonomy over myself. She's was scared I'd become a sex addict like her late husband and wants me to follow the rules of her home. I agreed but she is open to me having more "freedom" when I'm downstairs if I don't get in trouble or slack. One thing she's always hated is how hairy men are and I'm definitely hairy. She has always made me feel disgusting for my genitals and how they look. They are ugly, I'm not denying that but I felt like bringing up shaving and grooming as a way to not bother her as much and she didn't like that and said I was being a smartass and said I'm hairy like an animal and nothing would change that. I was very confused as I see it as problem solving. If she doesn't want to see those parts of me, why make me show them? And why hairy if she hates it?
I know I'm always told to leave and I'll try at some point. I was on my own before and I had a lot of struggles. I'm comfortable here even if it's wrong. I find myself ok a lot and then going crazy when I'm too aroused and can't do anything about it. I tried to explain this in a way that didn't seem perverted and she was surprisingly receptive. She's scared of men and I get that but I've never done anything to make her scared.
She needs to feel in control and I'm fine to give her that for now and will be planning an exit.
It was nice to actually talk but I know that any moment, it won't have mattered what we agreed on and she'll be in one of her moods.
I've been asked about my relationship with the other siblings I grew up around...there's none. I was never really part of the family and kept separate from them. I don't think mom even has a relationship with them... or anyone besides her neighbor friends or church people.
I've gotten into a better routine. I've talked with her about having more autonomy over myself. She's was scared I'd become a sex addict like her late husband and wants me to follow the rules of her home. I agreed but she is open to me having more "freedom" when I'm downstairs if I don't get in trouble or slack. One thing she's always hated is how hairy men are and I'm definitely hairy. She has always made me feel disgusting for my genitals and how they look. They are ugly, I'm not denying that but I felt like bringing up shaving and grooming as a way to not bother her as much and she didn't like that and said I was being a smartass and said I'm hairy like an animal and nothing would change that. I was very confused as I see it as problem solving. If she doesn't want to see those parts of me, why make me show them? And why hairy if she hates it?
I know I'm always told to leave and I'll try at some point. I was on my own before and I had a lot of struggles. I'm comfortable here even if it's wrong. I find myself ok a lot and then going crazy when I'm too aroused and can't do anything about it. I tried to explain this in a way that didn't seem perverted and she was surprisingly receptive. She's scared of men and I get that but I've never done anything to make her scared.
She needs to feel in control and I'm fine to give her that for now and will be planning an exit.
It was nice to actually talk but I know that any moment, it won't have mattered what we agreed on and she'll be in one of her moods.
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