Trouble working with/for men

[drc629]

Does anyone else struggle with working for/with other men where they are in a power position over you? I’ve recently in the last year gotten more responsibility at work and it requires me to work with a lot more men than women now which I am not used to. The job is high visibility/high stress and a lot of the men I work with are constantly critical and just typical type A men if you can get the picture. It makes me feel extremely triggered and on edge sometimes when things get tense and I feel like they are mad or dissapointed in me and my work when I know it’s not true. I struggle a LOT with male dominance dynamics from my SA and childhood and wish I didn’t feel like I was constantly being triggered just being around men in a sometimes inherently stressful setting.

 

[Dost]

I can really relate to what you’re sharing. I went through something similar years ago, and at first it was really triggering for me too. Over time, I realized that the men I was working with—even with their alpha traits—were actually safe, and not my abusers. Those work relationships ended up helping me heal and even helped me find my voice, something I didn’t have as a child.

 

[drc629]

I can really relate to what you’re sharing. I went through something similar years ago, and at first it was really triggering for me too. Over time, I realized that the men I was working with—even with their alpha traits—were actually safe, and not my abusers. Those work relationships ended up helping me heal and even helped me find my voice, something I didn’t have as a child.

That certainly gives me a little bit of hope and helpful way to reframe things. I’ll see if over time I can start making a more healthy link

 

[Dost]

That certainly gives me a little bit of hope and helpful way to reframe things. I’ll see if over time I can start making a more healthy link

So happy to hear that, thanks for sharing!

 

[Wharf_Rat]

I have had problems with various male supervisors, managers, etc., at various jobs. That's at least partially why I lost a couple of jobs. I didn't know how to handle the problems I had with them, and would wind up doing something that got me fired - yelling, mostly.

 

[GaD3!]

I have had problems with various male supervisors, managers, etc., at various jobs. That's at least partially why I lost a couple of jobs. I didn't know how to handle the problems I had with them, and would wind up doing something that got me fired - yelling, mostly.

I always had problems with supervisors in general. I am a hard worker and don't tolerate bs from bosses- particularly if they don't treat me or others with respect. I am of Latin ancestry so that is a bit of a cultural issue. More than a few supervisors have learned this very quickly.

 

[Georgie]

I can really relate to what you’re sharing. I went through something similar years ago, and at first it was really triggering for me too. Over time, I realized that the men I was working with—even with their alpha traits—were actually safe, and not my abusers. Those work relationships ended up helping me heal and even helped me find my voice, something I didn’t have as a child.

I got along with men supervisors much better than women. Because my abusers were female and because female-on-male abuse is usually ignored or belittled as well as often given more boldly for those reasons, I never felt endangered around men.

 

[broncosfann1979]

I would not say that I am triggered. Difficult to articulate but I have an inherent and default lack of respect for these "alpha" or "type A" males. I can work with them and get the job done but there is no being friendly or brotherhood. My abuser is one of these "type A" males and receives respect that he in no way deserves. Lifelong freeloader, deadbeat dad, and now drug addict. I do not look up to or admire these types.

 

[Dost]

I got along with men supervisors much better than women. Because my abusers were female and because female-on-male abuse is usually ignored or belittled as well as often given more boldly for those reasons, I never felt endangered around men.

Makes sense. I guess CSA by a female would be even more socially isolating.

 

[GaD3!]

I have an inherent and default lack of respect for these "alpha" or "type A" males.

The same here, I can work with them, just as long as they stay out of my way and let me do my job.

 

[smc1972]

I dont per se but I am also one who doe not rick the boat and never have. I may dislike some alpha dicks but I wont say anything to them about it. But I am also fortunate in that all my bosses over the years have been good to work with. There was one though early in my career that I still have no respect for even to this day.

I do not think abuse has played any role in being uncomfortable be it a man or a woman boss. However I do know that the abuse is what made me meek

 

[nerograves]

I can understand that. Though my boss, VP and is female, I work as a BI analyst along side other male devs and analysts. A few of them are managers, so I get uncomfortable like I'm being 'looked at' the same way my abuser looked at me. The remote face-to-face makes this feeling more triggering since my abuser used a camera. Overtime, I found a lot of common ground with some of my coworkers, mostly with video games or having similar pets like dogs or rabbits. This helped me become less on edge around some male coworkers or those with a power position.

As for the type A "alpha" ones, I mostly just let them talk and respond if I see the need to. My dad is that type, so learned how to navigate that.

 

[nerograves]

I have an inherent and default lack of respect for these "alpha" or "type A" males. I can work with them and get the job done but there is no being friendly or brotherhood.

This is so relatable. My dad is like this. Every time I encounter a coworker like this, its just dealing with my dad again.

 

[broncosfann1979]

Society tells you that the most respectable people in a society are these type A or alpha males. They lead, protect, and sustain... supposedly. They are what we should aspire to be. We should be assertive, tough, strong, etc. From my experience, this is mostly a front. When not performing, they are all flawed characters with many having very disturbing, immoral qualities. I refuse to bow down to someone who simply due to genetics is taller and stronger than me.

 

[GaD3!]

Society tells you that the most respectable people in a society are these type A or alpha males. They lead, protect, and sustain... supposedly. They are what we should aspire to be. We should be assertive, tough, strong, etc. From my experience, this is mostly a front. When not performing, they are all flawed characters with many having very disturbing, immoral qualities. I refuse to bow down to someone who simply due to genetics is taller and stronger than me.

Society is full of horse feathers! I have never had time the time of day for such people. As far as I am concerned "real men" don't need to put up that front, rather they are comfortable in who they are. I have no respect for such arrogant jack asses, I see right through them and they know it. Now retired, but I fought with many of my bosses and God help the arrogant idiot that happened to be my supervisor! I suppose part of that came from having a tough mother who always told us- "don't take no shit from nobody and don't let anyone step or shit on you!" Bosses started off neutral with me, from there they either earned my respect or lost it. As long as they were polite and treated me with respect- no problems. if not they got a taste of full blown Spanish temper.