*Triggers Possible* The Boy.

Triggers
*Triggers Possible* The Boy.
S

SomeOldMan

Registrant
The Boy.

Had no idea then, and still don't know and will never know who The Boy is. I truly hope he had an amazing life, and no harm befell him, at least that's what I'd like to think, because he didn't know it at the time, but he was in the house of a serial predator that lived on the block. I know, I was at that moment being victimized, and was stuck with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about *anything*.

So this young man made a decision then that impacts me to this day, for I was absolutely 100% certain he was the next victim, and even back then the protective instinct was too strong. So I told the therapist after a bloody suicide attempt brought out all that mandatory reporting stuff (which I didn't even know was a thing), still have the original report. It takes you right back to that moment.

And that set into motion a chain of events that had irreparable repercussions, but The Boy was not one of those. He has no idea the price paid.
He will never know the absolute terror of sitting all alone, in a witness stand, with a lawyer screaming at you and zero sympathy.

"Clear the courtroom and answer the question", Judge said.
"DONT LOOK OVER AT THE DETECTIVE JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.!"
THAT is by far THE loneliest feeling in the world at that point. Bell was rung no turning back.

All The Boy saw was the man up the street being arrested and losing his home and business and freedom for 3 years and never coming back. He was only about 8 at the time, doubt he remembers much, but I knew EXACTLY what was coming for that kid, which he'd gotten away with for decades.

And there is always a price to pay for "getting involved". Whether you know it or not.
Yes The Boy was "saved".
But not This Boy, but you made it out kid.
Happy for you. Hope you made a great life, you were the last in a long line of victims.
Bittersweet.
Think about that kid often, the protective instinct is strong even at a young age.
 
Realize was threading the needle on this one, insofar as recovery vs the Telling.
This is just a tiny tangential but extremely consequential chain of events.
Think about The Boy often, and the other boy, and the others and the MANY that never found out about anything, because he was in prison.
Even tracked one down, a fellow vic years later, no response so left it.
It's a message about the bravery involved when *any* child says something.
Or when an adult years later says something. It's all the same person.
But there is hope.
Children are healing.
You get to gaze in wonder at how things *would* have looked, but luckily you get a do-over. Many don't.
In fact I am the last principal left. Makes you want to just let the story die with you and let it end.

But that's just too easy. I'd rather just talk to someone. Anyone. Amazing what happens.
 
I didn't go to court until I was an adult but it was extremely difficult then can't imagine doing it as a child.

I personally felt re traumatised by the process

I did though have an amazing volunteer victim support worker I wouldn't of got through it without her

One of my abusers used the court as his stage, and prolonged the process as much as he could

No one should have to face what you have it's fantastic that others were saved but we weren't and I think it's OK to acknowledge the sadness of that, the impacts of that and show compassion for ourselves

Peace HL
 
There is beauty that comes from sadness and pain. I haven't pursued court with my abuser. I don't want to, to my knowledge he's only abused me. He was the youngest of blood grandparents 3 kids and the forgotten on as both worked. When I came along I became the apple of my great grandmother's eye. I believe he resented me for that. He used to pick on us (brother and I) for fun until we were distressed. I guess between the heroine and drinking and feeling powerless I became the object if his wrath.

I won't pursue him in court as I would most likely lose and it would increase his pride as a narcissist. It may be a loss, but to me it is a win.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I know I wouldn't be able to do as you did. I thank you for your bravery and endurance.
Shalom aleichem (peace be upon you).
 
Healing light said:
I didn't go to court until I was an adult but it was extremely difficult then can't imagine doing it as a child.

I personally felt re traumatised by the process

I did though have an amazing volunteer victim support worker I wouldn't of got through it without her

One of my abusers used the court as his stage, and prolonged the process as much as he could

No one should have to face what you have it's fantastic that others were saved but we weren't and I think it's OK to acknowledge the sadness of that, the impacts of that and show compassion for ourselves

Peace HL
Click to expand...
Preach right?
Had no one except a sympathetic prosecutor. That was about it. Zero anything, like "hey how are YOU doing?".
Did connect later with the detective who'd since retired, and we met up some 30 years after the fact. Him older and same as far as wisdom, he was a deacon in his church, head of SWAT etc.
It was cathartic to say the least. Got to show him what the intervening years carried, "check out the kids!".

Bad guy died of colon cancer years ago.
Meh, let's talk about moving forward I guess cause that backwards view sucks.

q
thePineTreeKid said:
There is beauty that comes from sadness and pain. I haven't pursued court with my abuser. I don't want to, to my knowledge he's only abused me. He was the youngest of blood grandparents 3 kids and the forgotten on as both worked. When I came along I became the apple of my great grandmother's eye. I believe he resented me for that. He used to pick on us (brother and I) for fun until we were distressed. I guess between the heroine and drinking and feeling powerless I became the object if his wrath.

I won't pursue him in court as I would most likely lose and it would increase his pride as a narcissist. It may be a loss, but to me it is a win.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I know I wouldn't be able to do as you did. I thank you for your bravery and endurance.
Shalom aleichem (peace be upon you).
Click to expand...
Thanks so much. Only reason we were successful was because I wore a wire.

His own words convicted him.

I know his history, it's about as ugly or even uglier than anything I've seen here, but he used that in open court as an excuse, the typical "sorry I got caught" defense.


And I did see him after prison was served. That's for another time, all part of the ugliness.
 
thePineTreeKid said:
There is beauty that comes from sadness and pain. I haven't pursued court with my abuser. I don't want to, to my knowledge he's only abused me. He was the youngest of blood grandparents 3 kids and the forgotten on as both worked. When I came along I became the apple of my great grandmother's eye. I believe he resented me for that. He used to pick on us (brother and I) for fun until we were distressed. I guess between the heroine and drinking and feeling powerless I became the object if his wrath.

I won't pursue him in court as I would most likely lose and it would increase his pride as a narcissist. It may be a loss, but to me it is a win.

I'm sorry for what you went through. I know I wouldn't be able to do as you did. I thank you for your bravery and endurance.
Shalom aleichem (peace be upon you).
Click to expand...
Legs were literally shaking uncontrollably, luckily was seated behind a desk while he talked his way into prison not knowing it.
Even then I *knew* he would talk, and matched up every incident I had told them.
Prosecutor basically said, "take the deal or we bury you", but perps original plan was to push for a full on trial, and decimate me on the stand. Was a wee bit more timid and fragile back then.
Considering how difficult the hearing was, not sure would have made it.

Wasn't about revenge, no such animal, and it just tears you up even more.
I *knew* by then (of course you think you're the only one), that the 8 year old was next. But that wasn't til later.


At the moment it was defenseless me, the perp and the 8 year old who'd come over just to see his cool work crap or whatever, who knows?

At this particular time was trapped and despondent and no one to call. No one.

Finally decided there was only one way out. Obviously wasn't successful, (Thank you God), but that act is what set into motion everything else.

Next the hospital where they were going to commit me, but a sib said they'd personally watch me, so was released.

That led to the counselor. Then the mandatory report. Then police.

That's when I decided to push through, because as stated , KNEW that boy was next.

Ashamed to say, but the boy was actually brought over (pretty sure) to male me "jealous". Seriously though?


Oh forgot the best part, finally worked up enough to say "No mas", that's when he started bringing the kid around.

Twisted thinking.

No bravery whatsoever. Absolutely terrified of the entire process. Still am.

Got called for jury duty voir dire a few years ago. Okay now that's triggering.

Gotta face that stuff head on sometimes.

It was a nice, quiet and tolerable. Judge was cool with everyone, but you'll never guess what the case was?

Father abusing his daughter. No freakin way I'm doing this. Guilty lol. Done.

Ended up not being picked YAY.
 
As an aside, can say from the obvious personal experience, that getting "justice" aka an actual arrest and prison time is rare for these crimes, because it always boils down to a "he said she said" thing, and it's hard getting a conviction at all, let alone an arrest.
It was about him being as far away as possible, so I knew I was safe.

It was only after I found out he had died in the hospital that could relax, just a few years ago.
Waiting for that knock on the door.
Because I accidentally saw him after he was released, he told me guys he spent time with would put people in the desert "for what I did".
Total bad luck of the draw. Did I mention he ended up at my CHURCH after prison? Oh yeah that. Can't hide anywhere.
He put his business card on the bulletin board in the lobby and I saw it there, pulled it down then told the head pastor, "but he has rights too".

"So what? That's how he gets both work and victims. So pastor sat us both down, while I just listened quietly, as he explained to pastor how he's turned a new leaf blah blah justifications and BS.


Was told by a confidante later on, that the pastor (who had an amazing young son back then) said and I quote, "If that was my son he did that to I would kill him".
Wow. Then afterwards we ended up in the parking lot, that's when he told me the "desert" story.

It was awkward to say the least.


Okay so new leaf guy is at the local Home Depot. I'm just in there shopping and saw him. FFS is anywhere safe?

However he did not notice me, so simply sauntered around the store following from a distance, and guess what happened? Boom just like that, suddenly he's chatting up a group of young boys.

RUFKIDDINGME?

Not against law to shop or talk to people, BUT, maybe that police officer who's always stationed in the parking lot may be interested, so rolled up on him, explained briefly the snapshot history, and what was going on in the store at that moment.


Well when he left and hit the street, he got lit up. (Was watching from afar), and that local Sgt, big dude no nonsense, had him out of the van and was reading some serious riot act.
When perp relayed that story to pastor when we were in that conference, he had NO CLUE that was me lol.
"All of the sudden 20 cop cars surrounded me", blah blah I'm the victim wasn't doing anything! (Cept grooming kids in the store).


He never did find out either lol.
It was empowering, You actually for one moment, are not a victim, you take that power back. It felt REALLY good at the time, maybe nothing would have happened who knows.


It was where he was and how he was doing it that I realized change was impossible.

Most never get caught, I know that. Justice? Jail time? Maybe. Depends.

System is about protecting the perps, not victims. Make sure their rights are protected, heck from what I hear you can't even beat then up in prison now. Get sued.

But they never change. Ever. Chemical castration. Done. Penal colony, know why? Well caaue he served 3 years, this is a life sentence with no chance of parole.
 
Been crying nonstop for 2 weeks straight even just driving down road, so feels good to spin some of that stuff back out into the universe. Just the high points for now.
Forgot to add that even with a conviction and prison time, there's no satisfaction there. It was necessary to keep others from same. I assure you, when the shrink told me about that mandatory reporting form he was filling out, I lost it, like seriously lost it. Thought this was someone to talk to, now the police?

Told him if he did that I would grab the cops gun. Not violent by any means, but you are NOT putting all of *this* out *there*. No how no way leave me alone.

Well... lol.
Guess I was plucky back then
 
Is see the bravery in still going despite the fear. You were brave when going to the cop at the Depot. You were brave just talking to the pastor despite what he said.

My abuser was at my church too. Some of the pastors became watchful. The part time lead pastor was a 'he said she said' (it was a southern Baptist ... nothing against them but they have done their fair share of rug sweep coverups).

We can't control what other's do but only what we do. ‭
Ezekiel 3:18-19 LSB‬
[18] When I say to the wicked, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to warn the wicked from his wicked way that he may live, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood I will require at your hand. [19] Yet if you have warned the wicked and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered yourself.

Ezekiel 3:18-19 When I say to the wicked, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to warn the wicked from his wicked way that he may live, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood | Legacy Standard Bible (LSB) | D

When I say to the wicked, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to warn the wicked from his wicked way that he may live, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood
bible.com
From what I see you did what you could, you informed as Ezekiel was told to do. He wasn't and you weren't responsible for the other's actions. The choice was up to the pastor to decide what to do from there.
As far as a new leaf, it's possible, but with a narcissist it's not probable. Perp sounds like a real narc.

Forgot to add that even with a conviction and prison time, there's no satisfaction there.
Click to expand...
Satisfaction doesn't bring back what was wrongly taken. For me that's one reason I didn't pursue mine. But for you I see love for the other. You sought justice even if it would or wouldn't come around.

What helps me is knowing a day of justice will come were no one can escape the deeds they've done good or bad.
This makes me content. Satisfaction is something that can't come from any situation of this nature. At least that's what I've found.
 
You are a brave man and you did the right thing. Like you said, many others were spared from his evil

Unfortunately, I was a child when abused and brutally threatened, so never told anyone. Recently memories of other children being abused (makes sense completely, it was a pre school) have surfaced. So how many other victims were there? Were they ever caught? No way of knowing. I have had to let it go. These people were completely evil so who knows. All in God's hands and I know ultimately they faced His justice.
 
thePineTreeKid said:
As far as a new leaf, it's possible, but with a narcissist it's not probable. Perp sounds like a real narc.
Click to expand...
What I always say about mine or others abusers changing is "By the grace of God I think it's possible, but by the nature of man I think it's improbable." Doesn't happen very often, but I think it could happen, and probably does happen every now and again.
 
Agreed, just not probable. Mine stayed that way until he died. And I slept just a wee bit easier without that "door knock" you thought was coming in your mind, though logically improbable.
 
Tableau in Stasis said:
What I always say about mine or others abusers changing is "By the grace of God I think it's possible, but by the nature of man I think it's improbable." Doesn't happen very often, but I think it could happen, and probably does happen every now and again.
Click to expand...
Wow, I really like that! Imma log that one for later use thanks :)
 
Tableau in Stasis said:
What I always say about mine or others abusers changing is "By the grace of God I think it's possible, but by the nature of man I think it's improbable." Doesn't happen very often, but I think it could happen, and probably does happen every now and again.
Click to expand...
That is something I thought maybe remotely could have happened with my abusers, although extremely unlikely.
 
Glad you guys liked it haha. I was talking about my mom at the time and my aunt, uncle, and sister all loved it too. I always leave that little caveat that it is not impossible, but that doesn't mean it is not incredibly unlikely. I mean I even leave open for the worst of people that do the worst of things, it just gets progressively less likely the worse the offense.
 
SomeOldMan said:
The Boy.

Had no idea then, and still don't know and will never know who The Boy is. I truly hope he had an amazing life, and no harm befell him, at least that's what I'd like to think, because he didn't know it at the time, but he was in the house of a serial predator that lived on the block. I know, I was at that moment being victimized, and was stuck with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about *anything*.

So this young man made a decision then that impacts me to this day, for I was absolutely 100% certain he was the next victim, and even back then the protective instinct was too strong. So I told the therapist after a bloody suicide attempt brought out all that mandatory reporting stuff (which I didn't even know was a thing), still have the original report. It takes you right back to that moment.

And that set into motion a chain of events that had irreparable repercussions, but The Boy was not one of those. He has no idea the price paid.
He will never know the absolute terror of sitting all alone, in a witness stand, with a lawyer screaming at you and zero sympathy.

"Clear the courtroom and answer the question", Judge said.
"DONT LOOK OVER AT THE DETECTIVE JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.!"
THAT is by far THE loneliest feeling in the world at that point. Bell was rung no turning back.

All The Boy saw was the man up the street being arrested and losing his home and business and freedom for 3 years and never coming back. He was only about 8 at the time, doubt he remembers much, but I knew EXACTLY what was coming for that kid, which he'd gotten away with for decades.

And there is always a price to pay for "getting involved". Whether you know it or not.
Yes The Boy was "saved".
But not This Boy, but you made it out kid.
Happy for you. Hope you made a great life, you were the last in a long line of victims.
Bittersweet.
Think about that kid often, the protective instinct is strong even at a young age.
Click to expand...
That was so brave of you to make the report! You defended and protected that child successfully! That's amazing!
 
He was the deciding factor in my mind, otherwise it was way way easier to just bow out.
When the shrink first told me about the mandatory reporting, I told him if he had the police come I was going to grab their gun. No way am I going to air this outside of this room, which was hard enough as it was.
The only "satisfaction" (if you can even label it that), is knowing 100% that their were far fewer victims when he was in prison for 3 years, other than that was just dumped back into the world with head spinning, zero follow up and "well hope that all works out good", (Insert pat on back).
So for respite from the ugliness, take just a tiny refuge knowing for 3+ years the world was a bit safer.
As far as "gotcha!" Kind of feelings, well at first yeah, because it's about the case and all that but once it's you and 4 walls, just emptiness.

I said back then and will say it now, the best revenge is going out and living the best life you can, in the OPPOSITE direction.
Children, nurtured. All 4 of them. Lovingly.

And here talking about it 40 years later like all my heroes on here, so that's a great start.
I've processed all of this for decades.

Went thru the "phases" of trying to he ANYWHERE ELSE but "there".


Eyes wide open hurts just as badly, except without all those morning-after consequences.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top