Monsters keep screaming

[JPS]

So I has been awhile since I had a flashback. I had one this week. Now it seems my brain is fixated on thinking about it. This is not normal for me. Every day multiple times a day. I think about it. More than I have ever before. The thoughts aren’t as stressful as they used to be but the frequency has gone crazy. This bothers me more. As I seem to constantly pull it to mind.

The monsters scream telling you, you were never enough. That you will never be safe. That they are not going away. That people are not safe because of you. That all the fighting is pointless pointless pointless. Then you realize the biggest monsters voice belongs to you.

 

[Steve E.]

Yes, we who were abused by others somehow learn to abuse ourselves. This happens to me, too. I’m not sure why. I think some believe it’s a subconscious attempt of our mind to try to gain control of an uncontrollable situation. So it would make sense that your brain keeps returning to it. It’s good that you are aware of this tendency so you can catch it when it starts and learn to refute what the monsters in your head are telling you because they are liars. My T calls this process “building new neurology” (AKA rewiring our brain). Sorry this is going on with you now, JPS. It takes practice, but it can get better.
Steve

 

[Georgie]

Yes, we who were abused by others somehow learn to abuse ourselves. This happens to me, too. I’m not sure why. I think some believe it’s a subconscious attempt of our mind to try to gain control of an uncontrollable situation.
Steve

I think this is correct. We can control the painful memories when we direct them. Much like bullied students who become class clowns - they are now controlling the laughter.