Open Journal #29
Open Journal #29
full collection link in my signature below
A thing happened, short version is, I was faced with a load of new paperwork that I had never seen before. The why and the wherefore is not really important for the point of this journal entry. Suffice to say that I have been reading many reports about me.
Social Workers on home visits and meetings with me, various staff at a children's home, all describing me and my behaviour. Aged 12-15, the eye of the storm of abuse, for want of a better expression. Constantly beaten and sexually abused.
Much discussion about the fact I have been tested and found to have a High IQ but also maladjusted (failing to cope with the demands of a normal social environment). I would quibble that the violence of a narcissistic sociopath and the bed of your sexual abuser are hardly normal social environments.
I can see a point where someone suggested that my behaviour suggests I am handicapped and this is then quoted as a fact for the next couple of years. At no point does anyone bother to ask the question why an intelligent boy would behave like this, is there anything going on, anything that might have caused it?
Social Workers constantly note that my father has mentioned that he has hit me, thrashed me, locked me into rooms for a week at a time, on one occasion locked me in my room then everyone has gone out and has left me there for the afternoon, alone.
They describe how I am taken home one evening and then turn up the following morning for a meeting with social workers with a head injury. Inflicted by my father. At no point is there any reference to the fact that my father has been challenged or warned or in any way reprimanded. Nobody suggests there might be better ways to discipline me. They just take notes and watch from the sidelines.
I am screaming inside but you don’t hear me, you just take notes. It reads as if you approve. I am constantly told that they were different times. I have to understand the past is another country. They did things differently then. I know, i was there. They did things wrong is what they did, and it wouldn’t have killed you to say it once or twice.
At one point I refuse to return home and insist I would rather be taken into care. My chances of survival seem higher if I get away from the man who insists on punching and kicking me. The Court papers from that hearing are in this latest bundle of joy and it states that the reason for taking me into Care is that my parents can’t control me.
That’s right, it’s my fault. I had no idea until now that was the reason given, children are not shown things like reports and court papers. What does it matter what they think about the things that are said about them.
I have such an inner rage about these things. Plus the feeling of it all being a long time ago and I can do nothing to affect anything. The feeling of helplessness is always the backdrop to any of these events.
20 years ago I started this process. I went to the police, there was an investigation and my abuser was arrested and charged and he admitted what he had done. At the time I hired a lawyer and we explored the possibility of taking legal action against the school and against the social worker department that had placed me at the school.
The school had long closed and the individuals concerned were all dead. The social workers we felt were worth pursuing if only that we ensure that we have some effect on current policies and contribute to it not happening again. We were constantly told that they had nothing to do with any of this, that they had no idea, and that nobody from their department was involved. We stepped away and took the decision that as there seemed to be no evidence of their involvement it would be pointless and even a little vindictive.
In this latest bundle of papers are letters between my social workers and the headmaster discussing the credibility of my abuser. Letters between my social workers and my abuser discussing the possibility of him visiting me at a children's home and taking me out. With the only requirement for him to sign a consent form, no actual checks of any kind. In it they specifically mention I am not to stay anywhere overnight.
This was the occasion he took me to a hotel suite for three nights and had constant sex with me and took many pornographic photos. I was aged 15.5 and subject to a Care Order until my 19th birthday,
All those letters have been heavily redacted by current social workers. They are the only documents in a bundle of 192 that are redacted that much.
Everyone involved is dead now. Except me.
Usually these things are expensive and pointless to pursue. In this instance we are suspicious that these documents were kept from us 20 years ago, and also kept from the police, who asked to see all documents as part of an ongoing investigation.
If we don’t at least attempt to try and see un-redacted versions i would always wonder what was being hidden from me. If nothing else legal action might ensure that they never risk doing this kind of thing to a child in the future.
Your job is to care for children and yet when faced with a situation where a child who has been abused, while you have a duty of care to them, comes to you for help in obtaining access to documents that might assist him. You choose to hide them and side step. Not good.
We are just going to see what’s what. Have a little dig around. Kick a couple of doors down. Wave around a couple of court orders. If it yields nothing we walk away.
svf
full collection link in my signature below
A thing happened, short version is, I was faced with a load of new paperwork that I had never seen before. The why and the wherefore is not really important for the point of this journal entry. Suffice to say that I have been reading many reports about me.
Social Workers on home visits and meetings with me, various staff at a children's home, all describing me and my behaviour. Aged 12-15, the eye of the storm of abuse, for want of a better expression. Constantly beaten and sexually abused.
Much discussion about the fact I have been tested and found to have a High IQ but also maladjusted (failing to cope with the demands of a normal social environment). I would quibble that the violence of a narcissistic sociopath and the bed of your sexual abuser are hardly normal social environments.
I can see a point where someone suggested that my behaviour suggests I am handicapped and this is then quoted as a fact for the next couple of years. At no point does anyone bother to ask the question why an intelligent boy would behave like this, is there anything going on, anything that might have caused it?
Social Workers constantly note that my father has mentioned that he has hit me, thrashed me, locked me into rooms for a week at a time, on one occasion locked me in my room then everyone has gone out and has left me there for the afternoon, alone.
They describe how I am taken home one evening and then turn up the following morning for a meeting with social workers with a head injury. Inflicted by my father. At no point is there any reference to the fact that my father has been challenged or warned or in any way reprimanded. Nobody suggests there might be better ways to discipline me. They just take notes and watch from the sidelines.
I am screaming inside but you don’t hear me, you just take notes. It reads as if you approve. I am constantly told that they were different times. I have to understand the past is another country. They did things differently then. I know, i was there. They did things wrong is what they did, and it wouldn’t have killed you to say it once or twice.
At one point I refuse to return home and insist I would rather be taken into care. My chances of survival seem higher if I get away from the man who insists on punching and kicking me. The Court papers from that hearing are in this latest bundle of joy and it states that the reason for taking me into Care is that my parents can’t control me.
That’s right, it’s my fault. I had no idea until now that was the reason given, children are not shown things like reports and court papers. What does it matter what they think about the things that are said about them.
I have such an inner rage about these things. Plus the feeling of it all being a long time ago and I can do nothing to affect anything. The feeling of helplessness is always the backdrop to any of these events.
20 years ago I started this process. I went to the police, there was an investigation and my abuser was arrested and charged and he admitted what he had done. At the time I hired a lawyer and we explored the possibility of taking legal action against the school and against the social worker department that had placed me at the school.
The school had long closed and the individuals concerned were all dead. The social workers we felt were worth pursuing if only that we ensure that we have some effect on current policies and contribute to it not happening again. We were constantly told that they had nothing to do with any of this, that they had no idea, and that nobody from their department was involved. We stepped away and took the decision that as there seemed to be no evidence of their involvement it would be pointless and even a little vindictive.
In this latest bundle of papers are letters between my social workers and the headmaster discussing the credibility of my abuser. Letters between my social workers and my abuser discussing the possibility of him visiting me at a children's home and taking me out. With the only requirement for him to sign a consent form, no actual checks of any kind. In it they specifically mention I am not to stay anywhere overnight.
This was the occasion he took me to a hotel suite for three nights and had constant sex with me and took many pornographic photos. I was aged 15.5 and subject to a Care Order until my 19th birthday,
All those letters have been heavily redacted by current social workers. They are the only documents in a bundle of 192 that are redacted that much.
Everyone involved is dead now. Except me.
Usually these things are expensive and pointless to pursue. In this instance we are suspicious that these documents were kept from us 20 years ago, and also kept from the police, who asked to see all documents as part of an ongoing investigation.
If we don’t at least attempt to try and see un-redacted versions i would always wonder what was being hidden from me. If nothing else legal action might ensure that they never risk doing this kind of thing to a child in the future.
Your job is to care for children and yet when faced with a situation where a child who has been abused, while you have a duty of care to them, comes to you for help in obtaining access to documents that might assist him. You choose to hide them and side step. Not good.
We are just going to see what’s what. Have a little dig around. Kick a couple of doors down. Wave around a couple of court orders. If it yields nothing we walk away.
svf
