Calling you names/inducing dissociation

[ef88]

Was anyone called names or made to adopt a persona?

I'm deeply dissociative, probably DID or OSDD. I already remembered my mum doing heinous sexual shit to me. But today I had a strong sense that one of my alters was knowingly created by my mum. Like, she abused me trying to get me to "become" someone else. She made me adopt a girl's name, and answer to it, and accept it as my own. Prior to today this alter was associated with extreme sexual abuse and leaving my body and seeing myself from above.

Any similar stories?

 

[TheNewMason]

Yeah I was given another name. It was a way to strip my identity and in a way, it helped for me to mentally separate what was happening. "I" wouldn't do those things, but this "character" would.

From my abusers perspective, I imagine it was a way to keep them safe as well. I was trafficked, so there were other boys involved. We all were given names. I never knew their actual names so trying to find them now is hard. I can't just look them up to talk about the experience and share stories, or collect evidence, etc. We were created characters and didn't exist outside this world they created.

I lived by that new name for years and some people still only know me by that.

 

[.aseity]

similarly, i was abused by my mother and needed to fulfill the role she demanded of me for time in her presence.

after being disowned at 13 i was fostered by my street guardian who gave me a new name, and similarly to mason i was only known by that name to others. i got my first identification after running away and readopting my legal name at nearly 20.

there are numerous times I've dissociated out of body looking down at myself. I've read enough on the forum to figure out it's not as freakish as i thought. it happen to many

 

[tgslair]

Yup. When I began to be trafficked, “my parents” legally changed my whole name. I was 7 at the time. The name change, coupled with the abuse created a new persona. This new kid was very success oriented. Had to follow the rules to exactly what he was told. Obey without question. He was very angry and rigid. By the time I was going through puberty another persona emerged. I really think this persona was an over personification of who I would’ve been had I not been going through the abuse. She very flamboyant. Loved to sing and dance. She came out when I was alone. By the time I was 14/15 another emerged. This was the street smart guy. He knew what we had to do to survive. He was making the plans and being the rebel. Once I got away, I would disassociate into these three personas over and over. They were all extremes. But it was my body trying to protect the little child at six year old. It wouldn’t be for years later that I finally came to understand who they were. In college I had a failed suicide attempt, and my friends got into a really good therapist. Is was there I learned about these personalities and who they were. I did not know that I was abused. I had no perception that this wasn’t the life that all children lived. These personalities or disassociations kept me alive, protected me. From the stories of other survivors, I know this is pretty common. It is/ was our bodies defense mechanisms. You are not alone.

 

[ef88]

Yup. When I began to be trafficked, “my parents” legally changed my whole name. I was 7 at the time. The name change, coupled with the abuse created a new persona. This new kid was very success oriented. Had to follow the rules to exactly what he was told. Obey without question. He was very angry and rigid. By the time I was going through puberty another persona emerged. I really think this persona was an over personification of who I would’ve been had I not been going through the abuse. She very flamboyant. Loved to sing and dance. She came out when I was alone. By the time I was 14/15 another emerged. This was the street smart guy. He knew what we had to do to survive. He was making the plans and being the rebel. Once I got away, I would disassociate into these three personas over and over. They were all extremes. But it was my body trying to protect the little child at six year old. It wouldn’t be for years later that I finally came to understand who they were. In college I had a failed suicide attempt, and my friends got into a really good therapist. Is was there I learned about these personalities and who they were. I did not know that I was abused. I had no perception that this wasn’t the life that all children lived. These personalities or disassociations kept me alive, protected me. From the stories of other survivors, I know this is pretty common. It is/ was our bodies defense mechanisms. You are not alone.

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate everyone. Tgslair your comments hit me the most because you said you literally have different personas and you forgot about the abuse and that it's common mechanism to survive and that I'm not alone.

I was feeling so alone and crazy cos you guys were all trafficked and I don't think I was. My parents seemed so normal. Dad was an extreme drunk, and I remember seeing his flacid dick a lot, and I have recovered memories of sex with mum, and her calling me all sorts of abusive names which I struggle to reconcile with reality.

But I seem to have alters, and today, one seemed to insist that she was created purposefully, so mum could put up walls around me and get away with what she was doing.

And, today I saw my sister and she got angry and overwhelmed and wept when I pushed her on the past. She insists it was all fine and not that bad and yet she is visibly about to fall to pieces and weep and rage when I go near the past. She is like a caged animal ready to bite me. And she used a phrase I've heard my mum use. She said she "won't go through that door." It was chiling. Both mum and sis know there is a door there full of the kind of things that instigate a terror response. My sis didn't abuse me so I try to have a relationship with her. But I've cut my mother and father out. I've told them if they don't confess, repent, apologise, we have nothing to talk about

 

[Tableau in Stasis]

But today I had a strong sense that one of my alters was knowingly created by my mum. Like, she abused me trying to get me to "become" someone else. She made me adopt a girl's name, and answer to it, and accept it as my own.

That is absolutely a thing that can, and does happen sometimes. It's an observed phenomenon, particularly associated with certain types of abuse, and if she says that it is so, then it's probably as definitive an answer as you can get.

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate everyone. Tgslair your comments hit me the most because you said you literally have different personas and you forgot about the abuse and that it's common mechanism to survive and that I'm not alone.

Somewhere on the order of 1.5-2% of the world's population have DID (and I'm not sure if that is counting other Dissoactive Disorders, or factoring in greater variance based on under reporting), so yeah about as common as red hair all told. We forgot about everything entirely till 2ish years ago, and have had at one point as many as 70-80 of us, though via fusion and integration we're at about 60ish currently (we're an abnormally large system if you couldn't tell haha).

 

[Jack1]

For me it was from the beginning. When I was born I had two older brothers and an older sister, each a year apart. When I was born my mother wanted a matching set of two boys and two girls so she renamed me Joanie and dressed me in girls clothes until I was about four. I don't remember any of it but there are pictures of us kids and I'm dressed as a girl with long curly hair.

 

[Colt1958]

I sorta wish I had been given a name, but there was no need for acknowledgment of any kind. I am not sure that a name would have mattered. I never felt like a person but rather a receptacle. I had a purpose without need for identity. I created my roles but he created my rules. The character and all association are long gone.

 

[Blessedcurse]

Yes. Also abusers tried to teach me to dissociate on command and to become a different character on command when they used different names. Not sure if it worked or if I played along.

@TheNewMason That part of being in that world and the characters existing only in that world, that was very much how it was like. Maybe that is why it feels like part of me is still there.

 

[KevinGKG]

I was sometimes called names by my mothers- sometimes affectionate and sometimes not. I do remember that one boyfriend in particular hardly ever used my name. He called me or my sister just "pal" or "girlie" or something non-specific. They did use a specific name sometimes when sex was involved- "kiddo". "Here kiddo, I'll go slow.". So when I hear it I remember many of those times.

 

[TheNewMason]

They did use a specific name sometimes when sex was involved- "kiddo". "Here kiddo, I'll go slow.".

I loathe the name Kiddo. I had one call me that too. I can't stand it hear it now.

 

[blackrabbit223]

Was anyone called names or made to adopt a persona?

The names were ones I came up with, since they were originally characters I’d created. But my ex took those concepts and twisted them into a way to groom and abuse me. There were certain expectations for each one and I had to respond “in character” whenever a name was called, in third person. I can only partially remember what they did, I probably blocked it out or something I don’t know, but the memories I do have aren’t good. It left me with so much identity confusion that I thought I had DID when I don’t. Even now it’s hard to untangle what I know about myself from those personas. I got called a lot of nicknames too. “Baby boy” was one of their favorites.

 

[GarryDex]

Was anyone called names or made to adopt a persona?

I'm deeply dissociative, probably DID or OSDD. I already remembered my mum doing heinous sexual shit to me. But today I had a strong sense that one of my alters was knowingly created by my mum. Like, she abused me trying to get me to "become" someone else. She made me adopt a girl's name, and answer to it, and accept it as my own. Prior to today this alter was associated with extreme sexual abuse and leaving my body and seeing myself from above.

Any similar stories?

My abuser (female), was sadistic, so after the grooming stage if we were alone she rarely called me by name. It was another tool that was utilized to humiliate me. She'd penitrated me with objects or fingers and use abusive names. The fact that I was heterosexual just made it hurt more. It didn't take me long to realize that I was an object to her. She'd love to say "This is what you're good for" or " Your just something I like to f**k with". Lots of things worse as well. Not so much as an alter more of an object. It's what abusers do for more control.