Anyone Else Struggled With Obsessive Crushes?

[GaD3!]

I had an unrequited one sided crush on my former best friend. He was straight and had a girlfriend and told me that he didn’t want to experiment having sex with men in any shape or form and I respected it. I respected the boundaries he had set up and stayed in my lane. He didn’t mind that I was gay and knew that I wasn’t going to actually do anything that he didn’t want to happen. I kept the crush part of our relationship to myself. When he abandoned me literally a week after my mom had died, it completely broke me. I just stopped caring about things because I was severely hurt that he broke his promise of always being my friend and never start hating me. That promise was the most important thing to me. Having it broken made me feel like I couldn’t trust anyone anymore since all they do to me is leave me and break their promises to me.

I too am sorry to hear about this. I understand the pain of rejection, even worse in this situation after just losing your mother.

 

[dcwofhs90]

I wouldn't say "obsessive crushes," but I was pretty "obsessed" with seeking out older men all throughout my 20s at the bars. I doubt I realized it at the time, but I know now that I was trying to recreate my CSA. Even now in my 50s, I feel somewhat sexually aroused to even stand next to a larger, older man. Obviously the size ratio isn't the same as when I was 11, but I still like it, and I often picture myself with the larger man in my mind in a sexual way.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I too am sorry to hear about this. I understand the pain of rejection, even worse in this situation after just losing your mother.

That is exactly what made it worse! I was at peace with losing my mom because she was already suffering from stage 4 inoperable lung cancer for about two years and I slowly grew to accept the fact that she was going to die and grieved for her while she was still alive. There are books that tell people how to prepare losing a loved one via death but there is absolutely nothing that helps prepare you for a friend abandoning you. Nothing to help you cope with losing a friend who was still alive.

 

[Silly]

Nothing to help you cope with losing a friend who was still alive.

this I know...

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

From the ages of 8-11, I had this massive crush on a male counselor of my local YMCA’s summer day camp. His name was Jason and I absolutely loved staring at him. I can’t remember what his face looked like but I do remember he looked like your average 90s college kid with a slight muscular yet slim build. Every time he was assigned to my group for the week, I got excited. I remember that I tried to stay as close as I could and would sit or stand there and keep staring at him. I think a few times I just randomly hugged him because I wanted to feel his presence which I don’t recall him getting upset over probably because I was a kid and some kids just like randomly hugging people. I might have clung on to his leg at some point as I was really small for my age until I hit puberty. Anyway, a female counselor named Mindy also worked as a camp counselor and Jason began dating her and two years later they got married. Jason was no longer a counselor my final year of attending that summer camp and it greatly disappointed me. The way I found out he was getting married was I was at the mall one day when I was 12 and I ran into another counselor named Mike. He said to me, “You remember Jason and Mindy? They’re getting married next week. I was just here getting them a gift.” I actually felt a bit jealous because I wanted Jason all to myself but I now know that even if Jason was gay, it wouldn’t have worked out because of the huge age gap and also because I was still a child. I remember thinking a couple of the other male counselors weren’t bad looking and one of them I remember having really nice looking bond hair and blue eyes but none of them occupied a huge space in my head as Jason did. Even when I was at home during the week, I couldn’t wait to see Jason the very next day. The last I heard about Jason and Mindy was from a psych nurse for the psychiatrist I was seeing at the time who told me that they were still together which still disappointed me that Jason wasn’t gay and get a divorce after a self discovery journey and was suddenly single.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I finally did a search on Facebook to figure the day camp counselor’s last name that I had a huge crush on when I was a kid by looking up the girl that graduated high school with me and searched her friends for her cousin who married him. I found Mindy but she has no photos of Jason. Even a Google search of him came up with nothing. Mindy seems to be married to him as that is her marital status but she could be widowed but I can’t find any death notice for Jason. No im not going to stalk him online or friend Mindy on FB just to keep asking her questions about Jason because that is super weird and creepy and I probably shouldn’t tell why exactly I want to find him. I’ve thought about him for years and am curious as to what he has been up to and I just want to see one photo of him looking older. I just want to see a photo of him just so I can see his face and always remember what it looked like. And sort of hope we’d run into each other by accident and start talking. I remember him for a very specific reason which isn’t very appropriate to discuss here and all I will say is it involves his body. He was essentially nothing more than a babysitter that worked for the YMCA when you think about it but he did awaken my sexuality. I’ve been thinking about him a lot recently and I don’t know why it’s so different than when I usually think about him. Does any of this make any sense?