Butt cleaning obsession...?

[ef88]

Does anyone else compulsively clean their butt? I I wipe too much, too hard, until I get everything everything everything and then I want to take a shower too.

It's possibly ritualistic re-enactment of trying to get clean after being sodomized...? (Which I *think* I remember) - I'm 39, and 6 months ago I would have said 'no way' it you asked me if I was ever raped.

So this obsession is a piece of evidence for me - there's lots of others like a life of despair and depression and shame and drugs, memories of seeing dad walk around naked and sometimes with an erection, becoming basically asexual as an adult and more.

Is it also possibly medical? Like, I swear sometimes my bowels must not fully evacuate or something... Cos it just takes a huge amount of paper to get clean. Sometimes it seems actually impossible. My diet is good, heaps of fibre etc. I'm pretty dang healthy.

This is a bit gross but I use one hand to pull one butt cheek to the side to open up my sphincter, and the other to wipe so I really get up in there. Maybe that is half the issue, but dang it if I can't understand how anyone manages to feel clean without doing so.

Im pretty sure I started doing this when I got clean off drugs 8 years ago. I don't remember doing it before that. I'm guessing the drugs were suppressing my urge to ritualisticly cleanse myself?

 

[TheNewMason]

Sounds like there's an issue going on. The goal is a "perfect poop" where nothing comes off on the toilet paper. If you never have that, there might be a diet issue, or some health thing going on.

It is possible you are just wiped too hard. Like, you don't need to get all the way up there. It's possible you are irritating your sphincter and what you feel is actually irritation from digging around up there. I can't say for sure though.

Alternatively, have you tried to douche? That cleans the pipes. You can also sit in the bath to feel clean. Or, get a bidet.

 

[GaD3!]

From all of what you describe, it does sound like an obsession- beyond the normal need/ desired to properly clean oneself. You also mention all the other "issues". I would highly recommend that you seek out the help of a therapist trained in dealing with sexual abuse/ trauma issues. If you have those feelings/ memories of possible sexual abuse that you did not have 6 months ago, that in itself is something that should be addressed with a therapist. Those type of thoughts and memories usually do not just appear for no reason. For many the memories of abuse are locked away until later in life.

 

[Curiouspaints]

Does anyone else compulsively clean their butt? I I wipe too much, too hard, until I get everything everything everything and then I want to take a shower too.

It's possibly ritualistic re-enactment of trying to get clean after being sodomized...? (Which I *think* I remember) - I'm 39, and 6 months ago I would have said 'no way' it you asked me if I was ever raped.

So this obsession is a piece of evidence for me - there's lots of others like a life of despair and depression and shame and drugs, memories of seeing dad walk around naked and sometimes with an erection, becoming basically asexual as an adult and more.

Is it also possibly medical? Like, I swear sometimes my bowels must not fully evacuate or something... Cos it just takes a huge amount of paper to get clean. Sometimes it seems actually impossible. My diet is good, heaps of fibre etc. I'm pretty dang healthy.

This is a bit gross but I use one hand to pull one butt cheek to the side to open up my sphincter, and the other to wipe so I really get up in there. Maybe that is half the issue, but dang it if I can't understand how anyone manages to feel clean without doing so.

Im pretty sure I started doing this when I got clean off drugs 8 years ago. I don't remember doing it before that. I'm guessing the drugs were suppressing my urge to ritualisticly cleanse myself?

this brings up a lot when im touched in some ways I never feel clean
you where heard @ef88

 

[blankspace]

I have had this constantly throughout my life, my family used to complain that I was using all the toilet roll. I never really understood how I was, I thought it was normal until my counsellor asked if I have any issues down there, and I brought it up that I didn't understand the issue people had about me trying to be clean. A few years ago I ended up moving to just using the shower sprayer to wash down there after every time I went. I would feel cleaner that way. Only since seeing my counsellor did I learn it was tied to what happened to me when I was a child and then again in my later years. I had issues with constantly having "accidents" by which I meant pooing myself, this was also tied to what happened, and only got over it then to be attacked by someone I trusted. Even now I still have similar issues at times, we lets just say "leakage" which can leave me with some very unpleasant smells sometimes. Which only adds to my fear of going out or being around people. My counsellor said I can go see someone and get it taken care of but to me, it's too embarrassing to even talk about. I guess even been able to talk about it on here shows how far I have come in my healing journey. Maybe one Day I will get to see a doctor about it.

I have been cleaning that way for as long as I can remember, so it seems like that is the only way even now knowing the reason, i still cant think of another way of cleaning... So i can 100% tell you, you are not alone on this one.

 

[John Silver]

Oh my God.

I have cleaned myself this way for decades. Using a heck a lot of toilet paper.

Never thought this would be related to abuse... ... and honestly I am not going down that road now, maybe later.

However I checked this with a gasrtic speciality doctor about when I joined here (which, was due to a decade or two of waiting and scraping the courage for the doctors visit, despite having blood there and so on.). I would recommend something like that, just to check that things are OK.

 

[ef88]

Hey everyone thanks for replies. @blankspace your comment pinged in me that when i was a kid my family too also used to complain/comment that i used all the TP. I had forgotten that so thanks for your comment.

@John Silver what did the gastric specialist say to you? Nothing dr google says makes sense about why i might have bowel obstruction or incomplete bowel evacuation or anything... and yet it seems like i do cos sometimes it takes SO MUCH paper to get clean.... So im interested in what your doc said. I know i should get around to seeing my own.

 

[John Silver]

@John Silver what did the gastric specialist say to you? Nothing dr google says makes sense about why i might have bowel obstruction or incomplete bowel evacuation or anything... and yet it seems like i do cos sometimes it takes SO MUCH paper to get clean.... So im interested in what your doc said. I know i should get around to seeing my own.

Everything was more or less normal, no concern for anything.

The examination was very unpleasant for me. I guess she saw that and was extremely careful. Didn't mention anything but I got the feeling she might have guessed something.

Recommended some moist wipes and wet toilet paper.