Almost 40 and finally opening up
greenearth
Registrant
Hi all. Came across this and happy I did. My CSA happened young with other young boys. It's taken me a while to ever see this as the root of some habits and patterns in me.
My first instance was in second grade (I was 6 or 7 yo). A boy maybe a year or 2 older than me asked me to go under the table with him and he performed oral sex on me. This happened twice until the teacher found us. My parents found out about this but I wasn't given therapy.
The second instance was when I was either 7 or 8. It was at my cousin's house. She was a 3 years older than meat the time. Her and a family friend, this guy was about the same age as my cousin, told me to come play in my cousin's room. As soon as the door closed he started molesting her in front of me. They knew I was there. He specifically wanted me to watch. I'm remember this happening another time. He even asked me to come closer to watch. Again, parents found out but no therapy.
I did go to therapy as a teen for mainly just teen issues but not this stuff.
At almost 40 I'm finally opening up about this. I'm noticing now, finally, why I have such issues like impulse control. My wife will ask me to not ask her for sex... I pause, wait a minute and then ask again. She'll ask me to not touch her in a certain way... a few days will pass, maybe a few months, then it happens again and again. I've often thought "I can never get things right" and I literally feel like a kid. I see kids having trouble with impulse control and now I get it for myself.
Happy to be here.
My first instance was in second grade (I was 6 or 7 yo). A boy maybe a year or 2 older than me asked me to go under the table with him and he performed oral sex on me. This happened twice until the teacher found us. My parents found out about this but I wasn't given therapy.
The second instance was when I was either 7 or 8. It was at my cousin's house. She was a 3 years older than meat the time. Her and a family friend, this guy was about the same age as my cousin, told me to come play in my cousin's room. As soon as the door closed he started molesting her in front of me. They knew I was there. He specifically wanted me to watch. I'm remember this happening another time. He even asked me to come closer to watch. Again, parents found out but no therapy.
I did go to therapy as a teen for mainly just teen issues but not this stuff.
At almost 40 I'm finally opening up about this. I'm noticing now, finally, why I have such issues like impulse control. My wife will ask me to not ask her for sex... I pause, wait a minute and then ask again. She'll ask me to not touch her in a certain way... a few days will pass, maybe a few months, then it happens again and again. I've often thought "I can never get things right" and I literally feel like a kid. I see kids having trouble with impulse control and now I get it for myself.
Happy to be here.
