14 more everydays
The last time I saw my therapist was at the end of November. He canceled my last two appointments, most recently due to his dog needing to go to the vet. Don't get me wrong, I'm an animal lover. But there wasn't someone else that could take the dog to the vet?
In my last appointment I bared my raw broken soul in a way I never imagined I could ever express, but now I'm feeling like I'm less than an animal.
So a few weeks ago I decided I was done waiting, and I would go looking for a new therapist. So I made that appointment, and after about 8 days, today was the day. YAY!
I arrive 15 minutes prior to my appointment time, which is the standard, to be told that my appointment was double booked and I've been bumped.
I stood there just barely holding it together while being told I'll need to reschedule because I didn't arrive early enough. I told her I was early and that I wasn't informed that the appointment was double booked. I wasn't informed that I would need to arrive comically early.
She continued to speak, and I heard words but I wasn't listening. I was just focusing on trying not to fall apart in public.
Then she looks at me dismissively and says "Are you ok?"
"NO! NO, I AM NOT OK! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OK?!" So much for holding it together.
I have no idea what she said but it ended, "...but you are not going to shout at me."
One of the therapists came in behind her and I didn't hear what she said. But I could feel the energy coming off of the therapist that was directed at nurse Ratched's less emotionally intelligent younger sister: "You are a steno clerk; tone it down or you're going to drive this guy over the edge."
Now she's going on about getting me on the phone with the "crisis team." "Yea, great, whatever." I don't need the "crisis team," I need a therapist.
In the next second I was sitting in a waiting room chair.
Then I'm in an office, talking on the phone with some woman and she's doing the intake questionnaire.
Now I'm back in a therapist's office. We are doing the same thing I just did over the phone. No big deal.
So, I go back on 1/6 to start EMDR therapy. Woo. Hoo.
In the mean time, everyday I remember more. Everyday it's something worse than the last. Every day I miss my best friend more. Every day it gets a little more exhausting. It hurts more. Everyday...every day...every...day.
Here's to 14 more everydays.
In my last appointment I bared my raw broken soul in a way I never imagined I could ever express, but now I'm feeling like I'm less than an animal.
So a few weeks ago I decided I was done waiting, and I would go looking for a new therapist. So I made that appointment, and after about 8 days, today was the day. YAY!
I arrive 15 minutes prior to my appointment time, which is the standard, to be told that my appointment was double booked and I've been bumped.
I stood there just barely holding it together while being told I'll need to reschedule because I didn't arrive early enough. I told her I was early and that I wasn't informed that the appointment was double booked. I wasn't informed that I would need to arrive comically early.
She continued to speak, and I heard words but I wasn't listening. I was just focusing on trying not to fall apart in public.
Then she looks at me dismissively and says "Are you ok?"
"NO! NO, I AM NOT OK! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OK?!" So much for holding it together.
I have no idea what she said but it ended, "...but you are not going to shout at me."
One of the therapists came in behind her and I didn't hear what she said. But I could feel the energy coming off of the therapist that was directed at nurse Ratched's less emotionally intelligent younger sister: "You are a steno clerk; tone it down or you're going to drive this guy over the edge."
Now she's going on about getting me on the phone with the "crisis team." "Yea, great, whatever." I don't need the "crisis team," I need a therapist.
In the next second I was sitting in a waiting room chair.
Then I'm in an office, talking on the phone with some woman and she's doing the intake questionnaire.
Now I'm back in a therapist's office. We are doing the same thing I just did over the phone. No big deal.
So, I go back on 1/6 to start EMDR therapy. Woo. Hoo.
In the mean time, everyday I remember more. Everyday it's something worse than the last. Every day I miss my best friend more. Every day it gets a little more exhausting. It hurts more. Everyday...every day...every...day.
Here's to 14 more everydays.
