Questioning Sexuality

[Freehouse]

It’s been a pretty rough week for me. Dealing with the abuse memories and hyper-sexual activity—it’s just been rough all the way around. I’m also struggling with my sexuality. While I’m currently in a heterosexual relationship, I’m experiencing strong desires to engage sexually with men. I have ventured outside of my relationship and had sex with a man but deep down I’m questioning everything. I still love my girlfriend but I can’t deny that I enjoy sexual contact with men. I know this isn’t fair to anyone but I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I know I’m just rambling but it feels better just to say it out loud.

 

[Someone]

@Freehouse I'm sorry that you're having struggles with your sexuality. It hurts. It hurts more that it's tied to your abuse. It's a personal thing for me too. Add the religious issues for me, and I don't know who I am allowed to be, meant to be, or would have been. I'm celibate that's the only way I've been able to handle things, because I'm completely gay. The idea of being with a woman sexually emotionally it's too difficult and I believe it's incompatible. I wish that that was an option that I could be "normal", I'm a very sensitive so it hurts being alone. That said I'm not telling anyone how to solve the issue. I can only by being alone. How do I tell someone to do that? I can't and I won't.

 

[Georgie]

Any sexual relations that are mutually consensual are "normal."

 

[P1nky]

Questioning one's sexuality is very common in survivors of sane-sex abuse, and can be very difficult to come to terms with. There are cases (mine included) where the abuser took advantage of someone who was just starting to discover themselves, and therefore be more open to taking part in these activities.
For the record, forty years after I ended the "relationship" with my abuser, and living as a very straight man, I realised (and now accept) that I always was actually bisexual. It was only after therapy for the cPTSD from my abuse that I felt able to even consider my natural sexuality. Before then, I had experienced attraction and lust for men, but internalised it as self-loathing.
If you are actually bi, speak about it with your partner, even in the abstract. She may well be accepting (my wife is, which I didn't expect), and hiding it will just lead to pain for both of you later.

 

[Freehouse]

Questioning one's sexuality is very common in survivors of sane-sex abuse, and can be very difficult to come to terms with. There are cases (mine included) where the abuser took advantage of someone who was just starting to discover themselves, and therefore be more open to taking part in these activities.
For the record, forty years after I ended the "relationship" with my abuser, and living as a very straight man, I realised (and now accept) that I always was actually bisexual. It was only after therapy for the cPTSD from my abuse that I felt able to even consider my natural sexuality. Before then, I had experienced attraction and lust for men, but internalised it as self-loathing.
If you are actually bi, speak about it with your partner, even in the abstract. She may well be accepting (my wife is, which I didn't expect), and hiding it will just lead to pain for both of you later.

Thank you for sharing. I do plan to discuss with my therapist. Right now it’s still quite confusing and slightly embarrassing for me to admit. As you experienced, I do have this “lust” for men—and watching gay porn sure isn’t helping my case at all. I’m not sure if partner would be accepting but I’ll give it some thought.

 

[LittleSteve]

As many of the guys have said our brains actually don’t really differentiate between good sex and bad sex based on gender and we’re having sex with the brain just says hey this feels good and when we’re sexualized too soon and it’s almost always by men and obviously were buying a hail survivors here it can confuse that because your brain says this is good. I like this and you really haven’t differentiated your sexuality yet and so I think for heterosexual men especially is tremendously confusing. So as as quarter above, really talk to your therapist and you’re really the only one that can determine that And upfront I’m gay, but nothing is if you’re attracted to women and you feel that way, you could be bisexual or you could just be heterosexual and your wiring got confused when you’re abused. All of those are OK being gay being pie or being heterosexual regardless most guys end up with a lot of confusion over this Even gay eyes, was I straight and being abused turned me gay it’s very, very, very common. Completely normal with what happened to you if what you’re doing is causing your shame or internalized problems because of it like watching porn and those are the feelings that are the problem not whether you’re gay straight by I know you’re attracted to or who you wanna have sex with. It’s what what you’re doing in other words if you feel heterosexual what you’re watching gay porn and wanting to have sex with men because of what happened to you there’s nothing shameful about that at all. In fact, if you read on the forum here it’s normal And I’ll say that again it’s normal. It’s a very normal reaction to feel that way and many many, many. Guys here have the exact same thing going on. It has nothing to do really whether you’re gay straight or not what it has to do is what happened to you and how you were sexualized when you’re young. So definitely bring this up to your therapist first they can tell you That this is normal. And if you need more confirmation, there’s a ton of posts on it and lots of guys that will tell you they feel exactly the same way. Then you can figure out what to do with it how you wanna react and how you wanna respond and that’s gonna be up to you how you wanna deal with it And where you go with it. Might take a look at some of the post and you’ll see this is very common so I guess what I’m trying to reassure you is don’t freak out. It’s OK. You can get through this and sort out how you wanna be and who you are.

 

[Kintsugi]

I am married but I have same sex attraction. I shared that with my wife and that hurt her.

 

[Maleelder]

It’s been a pretty rough week for me. Dealing with the abuse memories and hyper-sexual activity—it’s just been rough all the way around. I’m also struggling with my sexuality. While I’m currently in a heterosexual relationship, I’m experiencing strong desires to engage sexually with men. I have ventured outside of my relationship and had sex with a man but deep down I’m questioning everything. I still love my girlfriend but I can’t deny that I enjoy sexual contact with men. I know this isn’t fair to anyone but I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I know I’m just rambling but it feels better just to say it out loud.

I understand your struggle with your sexuality. I feel exactly the same but with my journey I have decided to accept that I like guys and woman as that is the way it is. I was introduced to sex at the age of 5 and loved it and to this day I still enjoy sex whether with a man or woman. I think we all struggle with our sexuality sometimes so accept who you are and go with it as that is what worked for me and I don’t struggle with that any longer. I wish I was 100 percent straight but that is not my reality. Reach out anytime. Take care.

 

[Freehouse]

I understand your struggle with your sexuality. I feel exactly the same but with my journey I have decided to accept that I like guys and woman as that is the way it is. I was introduced to sex at the age of 5 and loved it and to this day I still enjoy sex whether with a man or woman. I think we all struggle with our sexuality sometimes so accept who you are and go with it as that is what worked for me and I don’t struggle with that any longer. I wish I was 100 percent straight but that is not my reality. Reach out anytime. Take care.

How did you get to a place of acceptance?

 

[Maleelder]

How did you get to a place of acceptance?

I realized I was a true bisexual and if it was caused by CSA I enjoyed both sexes and not sure I would want to change that Accept who you are and exhale and begin your life as it is. That worked for me. Hope you find peace and acceptance of yourself