Sexually abused as a boy, raped as an adult, feeling sad

[usmc97]

My experience of these things intersect but also mess with me separately. It makes for some difficulties feeling understood sometimes on a certain level. I know it's not super unique on MS. But relating to someone in person is so powerful...at least for me.

I met a guy in person a couple years ago (don't know if he's still on MS). He I guess accidentally called me a few weeks ago and I've been thinking about it since. He didn't leave a message so I called back really hoping that we could talk again... no answer. He was the first survivor I ever met in person who experienced both stuff as a boy and stuff as a man like me. I thought I might run into him this year returning where I first met him but that didn't happen.

I feel I screwed things up somehow after meeting. I think I accidentally crossed boundaries either by sharing or from hugging him (I thought I asked permission so I don't know). You know that familiar feeling where you assume it's you?

In any case, I know he has his own support and I have mine. I just wish it were different. He was such a a great guy and it felt so nice to feel understood in a different way.

Don't know but if he's still here and reads this, I'm sincerely sorry for whatever I did.

Anyway guys, I know friendships happen when people are compatible just like in relationships. And that this friendship was maybe just not meant to be. Still, feel it would be nice to have him in my life. I'll always remember him and I think about him and his healing periodically.

What are some of your feelings about failed friendships guys?

 

[WeDeservedBetter]

All of my friendships are failed friendships as I have no friends. I always would put up some sort of wall whenever friendships would get closer. As I get older I've kept more and more to myself. It makes me feel lonely. It hurts sometimes. It makes me feel sad and regret. It feels like a form of isolation because it feels unsafe to let anyone except my wife and daughter get too emotionally close. There has been a few people over the years that I began to be friends and wish that I had continued the friendship.

 

[GaD3!]

Friendship has always been a difficult issue for me. Part of it is the trust issues. That much deeper is the emotional wounds- I don't trust love and often think to myself "love is a lie". Of course two different things love and friendship but the love issue affects the friend issue also. The violation of trust and betrayal by those who supposedly loved me? certainly makes trust in a friendship more difficult.

Over the years there have been "friends" who just disappear or fade away. a long time friend is now in that category- fading away, I haven't changed I suppose he has or maybe there never truly was the friendship I thought existed I don't know.

I don't understand it. Maybe I expect too much from others- keeping in contact, or being honest and saying I don't want to continue in a friendship, or I think you are a nut case. I prefer the truth to being ghosted. That has happened several times in my life. I don't do that to others. In one case a "friend" of over 30 years could not handle that I told her we would just have to disagree to disagree on politics and not discuss the subject. I disagree with her views and did not want to listen to her ranting. I never heard from her again- for politics? How shallow is that?

That is just one example it seems to me there are a lot of very shallow or flaky people out there. Maybe it is me. Maybe I expect too much from others. Maybe it just the way modern life is, everyone is so busy and there may not be the desire in many for a close friendship- I don't know

I suspect that you are a deep feeling person, which it seems is not that common. If that is the case you carry a heavy cross. Such people are often hurt by the insensitivity of others. They just don't get it. You may be one who can give much more than you will ever receive and that is not easy, but one can't change who they are. As I said a heavy cross to bear. It is a lonely road.

You most likely did nothing to jeopardize that potential friendship- for what ever reason he was not open to a friendship, obviously you still care about him and would be a good friend to him, apparently not part of his agenda.

I know it is not an easy situation for you and I truly wish you well. Take care.