Poem for my husband
Ivy2624
New Registrant
I thought I knew what it means to survive,
To stumble, to fall, to get up and thrive
I pictured strength in your tearless eyes
To escape, emerge and break all ties
But I don’t see this when I see you,
You smile, you talk, but you don’t seem true
You stand beside me, yet you aren’t fully here,
There is darkness around you like an invisible layer
You laugh, you love you play a role,
But there’s a child inside you without any control
A boy desperately trying to tell his tale,
How deaf ears made him feel eternally failed
It started when you were only five
And you didn’t know any better and just wanted to survive
Your home was screams, and tears and eggshells,
And behind closed doors were neglected hells
A mother who cried, a father who didn’t care
A sister who maliciously ensnared
Who showed you light so you chased it hard
And convinced you into dropping your guard
But love was not what she ever gave,
She lured you into her own dark cave,
She lulled you in until she was sure,
You couldn’t run, you couldn’t fight you couldn’t endure
She praised you, gave attention, and rewrote your skin,
And made you believe it was something special you were in,
And gagged you, warned you not to dare,
And gave you sweet nothings to show she cared
And in that house she shattered your trust,
Your existence, your very being turned into dust
Sadly, she wasn’t the only face
That home became a gathering place
A mausoleum of your disappointments, and your rage,
A little bird trapped left dying in a cage
Your loved ones, your parents saw you cry
But none of them asked the reason why
So you tried to explain the horrors that had taken place,
Tremendous failures in their so called “safe space”
You were filled with scars, none on your face,
But In places where it was impossible to trace
They didn’t see the hurt, indifferent, all the same,
Enraged, they silenced you into believing it was shame
No rescue came. No sirens wailed
No parent saw how they had failed
They didn’t care if you were scared
They only took, left nothing spared,
Some wanted your silence, some wanted stillness
Some came just to feed their own illness
And every time you were awake at night
A part of you forgot the light
So bit by bit, they took your “no”
They taught you pain and made it grow
Your learned to smile and not to protest,
You learned survival meant no rest
They complained how you brought no joy
No longer someone’s perfect little boy
So you killed the boy and moved on with life
Carrying secret wounds inside like knifes
I say this because that boy still screams
Through broken sleep and haunted dreams
And maybe, now, you’ll make it through,
By telling you what they once knew
That it was real. And it happened there
That what they did you still must bear
But i want you to know that you are not alone,
What you’ve been through was hell disguised as home
Ill listen to the boy as he silently weeps,
And lays bare all the darkest secrets he keeps,
And hold his hand and give him a hug,
And promise it will not be an indifferent shrug
And bit by bit remove the chains
And free him of his years of pain
And walk with him on his journey to heal,
Move forward in life and make you feel
So loved, so cared and never alone
A sense of finally finding a safe home
To stumble, to fall, to get up and thrive
I pictured strength in your tearless eyes
To escape, emerge and break all ties
But I don’t see this when I see you,
You smile, you talk, but you don’t seem true
You stand beside me, yet you aren’t fully here,
There is darkness around you like an invisible layer
You laugh, you love you play a role,
But there’s a child inside you without any control
A boy desperately trying to tell his tale,
How deaf ears made him feel eternally failed
It started when you were only five
And you didn’t know any better and just wanted to survive
Your home was screams, and tears and eggshells,
And behind closed doors were neglected hells
A mother who cried, a father who didn’t care
A sister who maliciously ensnared
Who showed you light so you chased it hard
And convinced you into dropping your guard
But love was not what she ever gave,
She lured you into her own dark cave,
She lulled you in until she was sure,
You couldn’t run, you couldn’t fight you couldn’t endure
She praised you, gave attention, and rewrote your skin,
And made you believe it was something special you were in,
And gagged you, warned you not to dare,
And gave you sweet nothings to show she cared
And in that house she shattered your trust,
Your existence, your very being turned into dust
Sadly, she wasn’t the only face
That home became a gathering place
A mausoleum of your disappointments, and your rage,
A little bird trapped left dying in a cage
Your loved ones, your parents saw you cry
But none of them asked the reason why
So you tried to explain the horrors that had taken place,
Tremendous failures in their so called “safe space”
You were filled with scars, none on your face,
But In places where it was impossible to trace
They didn’t see the hurt, indifferent, all the same,
Enraged, they silenced you into believing it was shame
No rescue came. No sirens wailed
No parent saw how they had failed
They didn’t care if you were scared
They only took, left nothing spared,
Some wanted your silence, some wanted stillness
Some came just to feed their own illness
And every time you were awake at night
A part of you forgot the light
So bit by bit, they took your “no”
They taught you pain and made it grow
Your learned to smile and not to protest,
You learned survival meant no rest
They complained how you brought no joy
No longer someone’s perfect little boy
So you killed the boy and moved on with life
Carrying secret wounds inside like knifes
I say this because that boy still screams
Through broken sleep and haunted dreams
And maybe, now, you’ll make it through,
By telling you what they once knew
That it was real. And it happened there
That what they did you still must bear
But i want you to know that you are not alone,
What you’ve been through was hell disguised as home
Ill listen to the boy as he silently weeps,
And lays bare all the darkest secrets he keeps,
And hold his hand and give him a hug,
And promise it will not be an indifferent shrug
And bit by bit remove the chains
And free him of his years of pain
And walk with him on his journey to heal,
Move forward in life and make you feel
So loved, so cared and never alone
A sense of finally finding a safe home
