*Triggers Possible* My Story Thus Far
thePineTreeKid
Registrant
My story as it stands to present.
December 23, 2022. This was the night when everything began to trickle in.
At this time I was dating my girlfriend (currently ex in present day) and she was very upset that I had a hard time kissing her and after the first kiss refused her from wanting to makeout or kiss any further (she has past relationship trauma).
That night I was praying and talking about the instance above (note: imma Jesus freak; I don't hate on others) and this old "dream" about my blood grandparents' youngest son came tricking in of him sexually arousing me in my childhood home laundry room. It was first a shadow of him gving off his very dark aura. Then the physical memories came and the emotional turmoil. I held onto that memory trying to make sense of it, put it into chronological order, while also trying to find a way to deny it. It was only after Christmas that I told someone.
December 26, 2022. On this day I finished writing to my dad a 3 paged letter. In it I tell him everything. Then we tell my mom. Mind you each time I tried to speak I began to cry and shake uncontrollably. Afterwards, I end up getting his number to text and ask him if he ever sexually took advantage of me when I was young. He said no, the proceeds to tell his parents and the they tell the rest of the family. (NOTE: he has been a professional drug addict for 25+ and narcissistic and enabled by his mother who is also narcissistic [important for later]).
December 29, 2022. My mom and I go to my blood grandparents' home (1722ft away from ours [important for later]). We walk in and blood grandmother says we have to wait as she is doing her hair. Once done with her hair she changes the story to she was getting dressed. I tell them everything but the details. Blood granddad us sorry and saying all these things to try and console me saying he will never be in this state . . . while Blood grandmom is asking for details of the event (twice within 5 minutes) causing me to relive that event. My mother stands up for me and defends me while my Blood granddad is silent (a common theme for him).
December 31, 2022. I have my first panic attack at an new year's eve with girlfriend.
I drove so she could drink. She ends up smoking and I smell the smoke mixed with the smell of alcohol triggering me. After a 15 minute panic attack and another 15 to calm down we leave much to my girlfriend's chagrin.
Between then and February 11, 2023 I'm given 4 ultimatums of be better or we're done. We trauma clashed hard.
January 1- May 12, 2023. I finish up my last semester of college and go ti therapy. I work through a lot of triggers.
March 13, 2023. Another trickle; a second memory resurfaces.
This time after 2 weeks of lower body convulsions I realized that I was raped in my childhood bathroom.
November 1, 2023. I were betrayed. Blood grandparents move my abuser to our state.
We found out through other family that were told to keep it a secret that they moved their youngest into a rehab place 1hour from us but before that he lived with them for 2 weeks, 1722ft away from me, breaking their word that he would never be down here.
Several times my parents called them out and they dug in their heels. I wrote an 11 paged letter and they were apathetic. Later they blamed my dad for putting me up to it. We even met with the pastor of my church (blood grandparents and I attended the same church). It went as well as expected with narcissistic grandparents.
Blood grandmom and I were exchanging texts were she was trying to blameshift and get me to forgive her. I held my ground and she then helped her son send me a text from an unknown number as I blocked all three of their numbers.
April 15, 2024. I went back to therapy. It was a new therapist who it really good at what they do.
I also had a third memory rear it's ugly head. Which two weeks before this I wasn't able to sit for long without my physical memories firing off.
April 24, 2024. Had a Birthday therapy session! It was good. Made a bucket list of fun things to help me age up from my trauma 8 yrs old me to older me. Also was diagnosed with PTSD (derealization).
-The memories are from being around 7-9 yrs old.
-The rest of the family believes and supports me.
-The blood grandparents and their child have isolated themselves from the rest of the family.
-Sexual abuse runs down that side of the family (my blood grandmom and my great aunt, my mom, and I wouldn't be suprised if even my abuser was)
Before all this I cut without really knowing why (I became emotionless). I also tried suicide 26-7 times via mixing over the counter prescriptions. Fully blessed as my organ shouldn't be functioning right now. I struggle is same sex attraction (I do not hate anyone of the LGB). I do know that before that age of 7, I only liked girls.
I am so very blessed to have the support of all my family.
Any questions or if anything is unclear please feel free to reply or message . . . This is my first post so . . .
December 23, 2022. This was the night when everything began to trickle in.
At this time I was dating my girlfriend (currently ex in present day) and she was very upset that I had a hard time kissing her and after the first kiss refused her from wanting to makeout or kiss any further (she has past relationship trauma).
That night I was praying and talking about the instance above (note: imma Jesus freak; I don't hate on others) and this old "dream" about my blood grandparents' youngest son came tricking in of him sexually arousing me in my childhood home laundry room. It was first a shadow of him gving off his very dark aura. Then the physical memories came and the emotional turmoil. I held onto that memory trying to make sense of it, put it into chronological order, while also trying to find a way to deny it. It was only after Christmas that I told someone.
December 26, 2022. On this day I finished writing to my dad a 3 paged letter. In it I tell him everything. Then we tell my mom. Mind you each time I tried to speak I began to cry and shake uncontrollably. Afterwards, I end up getting his number to text and ask him if he ever sexually took advantage of me when I was young. He said no, the proceeds to tell his parents and the they tell the rest of the family. (NOTE: he has been a professional drug addict for 25+ and narcissistic and enabled by his mother who is also narcissistic [important for later]).
December 29, 2022. My mom and I go to my blood grandparents' home (1722ft away from ours [important for later]). We walk in and blood grandmother says we have to wait as she is doing her hair. Once done with her hair she changes the story to she was getting dressed. I tell them everything but the details. Blood granddad us sorry and saying all these things to try and console me saying he will never be in this state . . . while Blood grandmom is asking for details of the event (twice within 5 minutes) causing me to relive that event. My mother stands up for me and defends me while my Blood granddad is silent (a common theme for him).
December 31, 2022. I have my first panic attack at an new year's eve with girlfriend.
I drove so she could drink. She ends up smoking and I smell the smoke mixed with the smell of alcohol triggering me. After a 15 minute panic attack and another 15 to calm down we leave much to my girlfriend's chagrin.
Between then and February 11, 2023 I'm given 4 ultimatums of be better or we're done. We trauma clashed hard.
January 1- May 12, 2023. I finish up my last semester of college and go ti therapy. I work through a lot of triggers.
March 13, 2023. Another trickle; a second memory resurfaces.
This time after 2 weeks of lower body convulsions I realized that I was raped in my childhood bathroom.
November 1, 2023. I were betrayed. Blood grandparents move my abuser to our state.
We found out through other family that were told to keep it a secret that they moved their youngest into a rehab place 1hour from us but before that he lived with them for 2 weeks, 1722ft away from me, breaking their word that he would never be down here.
Several times my parents called them out and they dug in their heels. I wrote an 11 paged letter and they were apathetic. Later they blamed my dad for putting me up to it. We even met with the pastor of my church (blood grandparents and I attended the same church). It went as well as expected with narcissistic grandparents.
Blood grandmom and I were exchanging texts were she was trying to blameshift and get me to forgive her. I held my ground and she then helped her son send me a text from an unknown number as I blocked all three of their numbers.
April 15, 2024. I went back to therapy. It was a new therapist who it really good at what they do.
I also had a third memory rear it's ugly head. Which two weeks before this I wasn't able to sit for long without my physical memories firing off.
April 24, 2024. Had a Birthday therapy session! It was good. Made a bucket list of fun things to help me age up from my trauma 8 yrs old me to older me. Also was diagnosed with PTSD (derealization).
-The memories are from being around 7-9 yrs old.
-The rest of the family believes and supports me.
-The blood grandparents and their child have isolated themselves from the rest of the family.
-Sexual abuse runs down that side of the family (my blood grandmom and my great aunt, my mom, and I wouldn't be suprised if even my abuser was)
Before all this I cut without really knowing why (I became emotionless). I also tried suicide 26-7 times via mixing over the counter prescriptions. Fully blessed as my organ shouldn't be functioning right now. I struggle is same sex attraction (I do not hate anyone of the LGB). I do know that before that age of 7, I only liked girls.
I am so very blessed to have the support of all my family.
Any questions or if anything is unclear please feel free to reply or message . . . This is my first post so . . .
