My Intro, A bit of a Story That's Still Developing. *trigger warning*
(I know this is a bit long, I tried to condense what I could)
I was around 11 when I was introduced to my dad’s boss (let’s call him Rowen) on a business vacation at the Outer Banks. I’m 19 now. Rowen “saw potential” in me and offered to mentor me and teach me valuable life skills. He ran a business that built energy efficient homes (my dad is a carpenter). I began going to work with my dad on occasion and helping out with landscaping and routine work around the shop.
About a year in and my dad gets a temporary job opportunity from his former employer out of state. Seeing as my family has always struggled financially and I have three younger siblings this is a great opportunity to make a little extra money. I became “the man of the house” if you will. It was during this time that Rowen took me in and became my primary male role model. He taught me countless life skills and truly molded me into the person I am today. He encouraged me to be my best self and find my passions and interests. At this point, he had become a trusted family friend, a sort of third grandfather.
I had started staying there multiple nights a week. I had two homes, both of which I loved. Me being the innocent boy I was, saw nothing particularly suspicious about his joy in mentoring young boys like myself. Little did I know people around him had their speculations all along but never had any evidence.
Then there came a night when things shifted. I was 13, he was in his 70s. He was giving me a back massage before bed as he did most nights but tonight it went further. Shifting his hands beneath me rubbing my chest and torso as well as my thighs. I began to feel my heart race and in shock, I froze up and pretended to sleep. He proceeds to roll me on my side, groping my groin and pulling in uncomfortable ways as he molests me. When he leaves my room my body is overwhelmed with fear and I sink into a hole of embarrassment and shame.
The next morning I wake up and the feelings rush over me again as I realize I have to go downstairs and have him take me to school. When I see him he tells me that “what happened last night was extremely inappropriate and WE can never do that again”. All day in school I’m dreading pick up. I feel extreme guilt and shame. It’s at this point in my memory where a lot falls black in my timeline. I cannot remember from that day until the end of that school year if anything more had happened.
Then came the end of the school year and as usual, the business set out on their annual vacation to the Outer Banks. This time my family couldn’t go but I brought my best friend with me. I remember him touching me while my friend took a shower and him putting his feet on my groin while in the hot tub. That’s the last of my memories.
The next year he homeschooled me and I don’t know that anything happened during that time. I joined a charter school at the end of that year (8th grade) and didn’t have much communication with him for a while.
Starting high school I dealt with a history of bad sexual experiences that hurt my social life. I then formed a sex addiction in which I exchanged nude photos with multiple women regardless of my relationship status.
During my time in high school, my best friend started working with him. Looking back I can’t believe I let him stay there. I truly believed I was the only one and didn’t think he was at risk. He followed my footsteps exactly and began staying there as I had almost every day of the week. Rowen became more of a father figure than he had ever had.
Then it all came crashing down.
About four months ago my girlfriend of two years discovered my addiction. This was the first real push in the right direction. It was only then that I truly recognized my problem. I told her my story and we agreed I needed help. At this point, she was the first person to know my story.
I started therapy. I told my story. Seeing as there were two boys staying in his house at the time (one being my best friend) we had to make a report. It was only then I realized the risk he was to others. Fortunately, I got to talk to my friend before anything went down. He was in shock. This is someone he has looked up to for years. Thankfully, he and the other boy claim they didn’t experience anything. I have to trust that and I hope it is true.
Then to tell my parents. Keep in mind, my dad still worked for him. I knew this would bring about a complicated situation. I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my parents. They were taken aback and mostly in shock all day but they handled it as best I believe they could.
That evening my best friend told his mom and step-dad what happened to me. The other boy was still at his house. My friend's parents understandably wanted him out of there immediately. His stepdad met with Rowen and confronted him while his mom went to pick up the other boy. Rowen called off work the next day. That night he texted me a short apology. The next day he attempted suicide. At this point, I was a bit numb. I had no idea what to feel or what to do. My friend was a mess as well. It was overwhelming.
The company dropped him immediately, buying him out of his own company (he owned one third at the time).
Unfortunately, my best friend and I have since been very distant. I am afraid he holds resentment towards me for uprooting the future Rowen had sold him. What's more is my dad told me that one of his co-workers, who is still finishing private work for Rowen, has seen my friend there working side by side with Rowen the last few weeks. When I spoke to my friend I casually asked if he had heard anything or seen Rowen he said he has had no form of contact.
This makes me very disappointed. My best friend of over eight years to seemingly choose my abuser over me hurts a lot. I imagine he is as brainwashed as I was. I know for a fact his parents and even our close friends don’t know he still goes there. My friend is only 17. My family feels that it’s our responsibility to tell his parents which will surely only make things worse between us. I only learned about this last night so this is still a developing situation and I’m not sure what to do.
Since I started therapy and the recovery process I have learned a lot about myself and come to understand my distortions. I hope I can rekindle the relationships I have with the people around me. I hope my friend will come back to earth and see that he, much like myself, has been groomed and extorted.
I was around 11 when I was introduced to my dad’s boss (let’s call him Rowen) on a business vacation at the Outer Banks. I’m 19 now. Rowen “saw potential” in me and offered to mentor me and teach me valuable life skills. He ran a business that built energy efficient homes (my dad is a carpenter). I began going to work with my dad on occasion and helping out with landscaping and routine work around the shop.
About a year in and my dad gets a temporary job opportunity from his former employer out of state. Seeing as my family has always struggled financially and I have three younger siblings this is a great opportunity to make a little extra money. I became “the man of the house” if you will. It was during this time that Rowen took me in and became my primary male role model. He taught me countless life skills and truly molded me into the person I am today. He encouraged me to be my best self and find my passions and interests. At this point, he had become a trusted family friend, a sort of third grandfather.
I had started staying there multiple nights a week. I had two homes, both of which I loved. Me being the innocent boy I was, saw nothing particularly suspicious about his joy in mentoring young boys like myself. Little did I know people around him had their speculations all along but never had any evidence.
Then there came a night when things shifted. I was 13, he was in his 70s. He was giving me a back massage before bed as he did most nights but tonight it went further. Shifting his hands beneath me rubbing my chest and torso as well as my thighs. I began to feel my heart race and in shock, I froze up and pretended to sleep. He proceeds to roll me on my side, groping my groin and pulling in uncomfortable ways as he molests me. When he leaves my room my body is overwhelmed with fear and I sink into a hole of embarrassment and shame.
The next morning I wake up and the feelings rush over me again as I realize I have to go downstairs and have him take me to school. When I see him he tells me that “what happened last night was extremely inappropriate and WE can never do that again”. All day in school I’m dreading pick up. I feel extreme guilt and shame. It’s at this point in my memory where a lot falls black in my timeline. I cannot remember from that day until the end of that school year if anything more had happened.
Then came the end of the school year and as usual, the business set out on their annual vacation to the Outer Banks. This time my family couldn’t go but I brought my best friend with me. I remember him touching me while my friend took a shower and him putting his feet on my groin while in the hot tub. That’s the last of my memories.
The next year he homeschooled me and I don’t know that anything happened during that time. I joined a charter school at the end of that year (8th grade) and didn’t have much communication with him for a while.
Starting high school I dealt with a history of bad sexual experiences that hurt my social life. I then formed a sex addiction in which I exchanged nude photos with multiple women regardless of my relationship status.
During my time in high school, my best friend started working with him. Looking back I can’t believe I let him stay there. I truly believed I was the only one and didn’t think he was at risk. He followed my footsteps exactly and began staying there as I had almost every day of the week. Rowen became more of a father figure than he had ever had.
Then it all came crashing down.
About four months ago my girlfriend of two years discovered my addiction. This was the first real push in the right direction. It was only then that I truly recognized my problem. I told her my story and we agreed I needed help. At this point, she was the first person to know my story.
I started therapy. I told my story. Seeing as there were two boys staying in his house at the time (one being my best friend) we had to make a report. It was only then I realized the risk he was to others. Fortunately, I got to talk to my friend before anything went down. He was in shock. This is someone he has looked up to for years. Thankfully, he and the other boy claim they didn’t experience anything. I have to trust that and I hope it is true.
Then to tell my parents. Keep in mind, my dad still worked for him. I knew this would bring about a complicated situation. I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my parents. They were taken aback and mostly in shock all day but they handled it as best I believe they could.
That evening my best friend told his mom and step-dad what happened to me. The other boy was still at his house. My friend's parents understandably wanted him out of there immediately. His stepdad met with Rowen and confronted him while his mom went to pick up the other boy. Rowen called off work the next day. That night he texted me a short apology. The next day he attempted suicide. At this point, I was a bit numb. I had no idea what to feel or what to do. My friend was a mess as well. It was overwhelming.
The company dropped him immediately, buying him out of his own company (he owned one third at the time).
Unfortunately, my best friend and I have since been very distant. I am afraid he holds resentment towards me for uprooting the future Rowen had sold him. What's more is my dad told me that one of his co-workers, who is still finishing private work for Rowen, has seen my friend there working side by side with Rowen the last few weeks. When I spoke to my friend I casually asked if he had heard anything or seen Rowen he said he has had no form of contact.
This makes me very disappointed. My best friend of over eight years to seemingly choose my abuser over me hurts a lot. I imagine he is as brainwashed as I was. I know for a fact his parents and even our close friends don’t know he still goes there. My friend is only 17. My family feels that it’s our responsibility to tell his parents which will surely only make things worse between us. I only learned about this last night so this is still a developing situation and I’m not sure what to do.
Since I started therapy and the recovery process I have learned a lot about myself and come to understand my distortions. I hope I can rekindle the relationships I have with the people around me. I hope my friend will come back to earth and see that he, much like myself, has been groomed and extorted.