My experiences with Grooming as a Trans male
TW: Grooming, sexual abuse, manipulation, coercionHey there, I'm new here.
I wanna share my experiences, in hopes to maybe find someone who understands my situation.
So, as said in the title, I'm a ftm trans male. I've always been very open about it and somewhat confident with it, so if people asked stuff I was pretty open with it. By the time I outed myself, I was around 14 years old. And every now and then, some 20 ish year old dudes found their ways into my instagram dms. One of them, I'll call him E, really had an eye on me.
E was 21 years old by the time we started to text. We chatted daily and although I really somehow liked him, it always felt a bit off. He asked pretty intimate questions, being especially curious about puberty and my plans on how to transition (Operations etc). I brushed it off, cause he really seemed nice though.
But with time passing, E became pretty clingy. He always wanted to call, wanted us to be more than just "friends". I was pretty overwhealmed by that because first, I didnt even feel that way, and second, I was afraid of telling my parents. E became more and more possessive, getting sad or angry when I didnt reply instantly. And with that, he really got me.
I have to admit, at that time I was a huge people pleaser. I wanted everyone to be happy, not having to worry about anything. But with his sad/angry responses I instantly felt incredibly guilty for making him feel this way. This situation began to worsen over weeks, until the day he forced me into saying "I love you". And with that... It became hell.
He started being even more possessive and angry when I didnt text back. He always pushed into talking about intimate or sexual topics, which made me feel pretty uncomfortable by that time. But I also felt to scared to tell him that because, of course, I didn't want him to feel sad or angry. So I just kept dealing with it, until he decided to send me an very inappropriate picture. This being the first time this happened to me (the other groomers "only" asked inappropriate questions). I was pretty shocked. I dont know if it was traumatizing, but considering my problems nowadays, it seems possible.
I finally blocked him and talked about it with my best friend. My best friend was pretty angry with me letting him do this to be, she hated me for a while. I thought I just deserved it.
This happened almost 8 years ago, and I only figured out now that my problems with intimacy may also have been caused by that.
Well, that was that. I hope you people do well, take care! <3
