Might Have to Drop Out of College

Might Have to Drop Out of College
C

Clockwise

Registrant
So I guess the title says it all. I realized today that I might have to drop out of college. The simple explanation is that I can't afford it. But here's the back story:

My sophomore year in college was a complete disaster. I was always depressed and scared and lonely. I had started seeing a therapist around the beginning of the school year and things started getting better, but after January 1st my insurance ran out and I couldn't afford the amount I had to pay to see him and to continue the medication I had started taking. So needless to say things went downhill - fast! I hate to admit it but the honest truth is that I failed almost all of my classes my sophomore year. And things just got worst emotionally and academically after my therapy and meds ended. I wanted to just off myself so many times.

My GPA was in the trash can and then to make matters worst in May I lost my job that I had been at for 2 whole years. They accused me of stealing but in the end they realized that it was just a mistake. My bosses didn't want to fire me but the shitty security agency that works with the supermarket I was at didn't want to let me get away with it even though it was just a accident. Believe me, I didn't spend two years of my life there just to steal a bag of chips, a hot dog and a soda. But there I was, at the end of a terrible school year with no friends, no job and no hope for myself.

This school year, however, I was more determined than ever to do better. I was only able to schedual three classes making me part-time but that was ok for me. I started at the end of August and I had everything in me telling me I could do better. I liked my classes, I like my teachers and things seemed to be ok. I even started coming out of my shell more. I started showing up at almost every on-campus even and even joined two groups at school; one of which sponsered most of the events I was already going to. I gladly partisipated (sp?) in class discussions and from all aspects everything was going well. Until today that is.

See, the problem is that back in my sophomore year when I failed so badly my GPA obviously dropped below a 2.0 so I didn't qualify for Financial Aid. I thought I could just take out a student loan but after having my mom, stepdad and my grandma try to be co-signers I was rejected every time. My family doesn't have a lot of money so obviously we don't have $4500 for this semester just laying around and another $6000 for next semester. Top that with me not being able to find a job anywhere. I've applied at just about every place I can around here for the smallest, most menial of jobs and I've had no calls.

Honestly, for me, this is one of the worst lows I've ever been in. I feel like an absolute failure and it's 100% my fault. I admit that I fucked up last school year big time but I do want to change it. I want to be in college, I want a degree, I want to succeed. It hasn't even been a month in school yet and I'm already hitting a concrete wall. And don't get me wrong: I don't drink, or smoke or anything. Hell, the last "party" I went to was my senior prom which was a huge disaster and a scar I'll always have on my ego. Frankly, I don't have "fun."

I just don't know what to do. It just seems like the one freaking time in my whole entire life so far where things seem to be going somewhat well something pops up and blows it all to hell. What to I do? I have no money, no friends, nothing. It maybe wouldn't be so bad if I could find a nice job just to keep myself fed but I can't even get that. So I am left with nothing. I do not want to quit. I don't want to have two years down the drain, but it seems like there's no choice. I've fallen.

It feels like somewhere someone's laughing at me :(

Terrick
 
I think it is unfair that you can't get a student loan. Everybody deserves equal opportunities in education i think, although that is never the case in real life.

You said that you were not doing very well in the first year and that you weren't having fun there either (obviously a bit of both would give you the best grades- you need fun to be able to work). But that now you are doing better, right? You say you want a degree and want to succeed.

Is there some way that you can go to a panel who can assess you for a student loan based on your recent improvements and also show your time dealing with your abuse issues in therapy as a reason for your poor grades the first year? extenuating circumstances?
 
Well, there is this thing at my school which I believe is called Academis Renewal. If I remember it correctly it's when you write a short letter to a panel asking them to "forgive" a semester of school where you did extremelly badly along with a letter from a doctor, therapist, lawyer, etc. proving your claim. Basically having that semester erased from your record.

My academic advisor, whom I not at all fond of but that's a different story, told me about it the second day of school when I went to see her. I was interested in it and when she ask what my reason for doing so poorly was I simply told her that "something happened." She gave me the whole "yeah right" look.

I didn't tell her the real reason why I messed up so badly simply because I was afraid. In my mind it was because I was just stupid rather than being because I was emotionally unbalanced. I didn't want to admit it to myself or her (especially since I don't really like her).

I've given it lots of thought but I have yet to start the letter. I am still afraid to say it out loud that I failed because I was still dealing with the trauma of being abused as a child a because of the death of my father. I imagine them having a good laugh at that one. I do want to try though. Maybe I will try.

Thanks
Terrick
 
Hey Terrick,

Contact your T and see about getting that letter NOW man! Of course those office types, the advisors, are a total drag and skeptical b***** (rhymes with witches). Not to put too fine a point on it, but you've got some issues which with the best will have gotten in the way of you doing everything you're supposed to. So make a positive move and begin changing that trend right now, by dealing with this in the way one is supposed to by following the process outlined by your school. You can't NOT follow the proper process and get the result you want (double negative intended!)...not out of a university, no way!!! I'm speaking to you as a survivor, as a 45 year old guy whose walked in your shoes AND as a former university falculty member (I had a brief stint on faculty right after finishing my masters).

Hope I don't sound too tough, just wanted to be direct and clear!

And King Tut, welcome to yet another wonder of the great american experiment that the supposed richest country in the world WON'T (not can't) educate it's citizenry properly. Some of my more bone headed countrymen might think that was socialism...perhaps if we had a better and truly equal educational system they wouldn't say such ignorant drivel. This is truly a "don't get me started" topic for me.

So Terrick...DO IT!!! And one other thing...you're clearly smart enough to do splendidly in school. A little compartmentalization can really help you just do the things you've got to do when everything feels like crap.

with support and encouragement,

sono
 
Hey Terrick,

If you are collecting unemployment from your grocery market job, you may be able to get a tuition hold or even a waive. My states DLT worked with my school when I was laid off and they ended up holding my tuition and even waiving everything else like books and stuff.
 
Terrick,

It seems you are in a bit of a bind. However, there is definitely a way out of this. I also work in a supermarket in Northeast CT, so I know how rough it can be. I also worked as a Loss Prevention Agent for a while. I would try to maybe fight this whole termination of employment thing if I was you. A company can't just terminate you for internal theft for no apparent reason. In fact, many companies try to say you were stealing because it is a surefire way to terminate someone with little question. Companies try intimidation, but unless they have absolute proof, they are just blowing off steam. Check and see if you can get back in, or find an attorney that will work with you to rectify the sitation. No one should be out of a job because of a false accusation and/or mistake made by the company.

As for school, I have/had the same problems. From the sounds of it, you are very bright, and have a lot to look forward to. Take hold of that, and let that drive help you to find a way to stay in school with minimal to no cost to you.

If I can help in any way, let me know.

J.R.
 
First, I want to thank you guys for the love you've all shown me.

After getting rejected for a student loan three times in a row I really felt like everything was over. My mom told me that I should think about transferring to the local community college, which honestly would have made me feel even worst. I guess that's because I've always heard people talking about how folks who go to community college were stipid or just couldn't get into "real" colleges or didn't want to work hard and so on and so forth. I know that's not true but being labled that way is what scared me. Then I figured that since schools charge you by the class maybe I could late drop two of the three classes I'm taking so the tuition would be cheaper. Even though I would be less than part-time that would at least allow me to stay in my current school. College isn't a race as one of you guys said. ;)

There has been a glimmer of hope though. I talked with my grandmother yesterday who also tried (unsuccessfully) to help me get a loan. I told her of my plan to take at least one class but she told me not to. See, even though I was initially rejected for the loan the person I talked to told me that they would review my application again and take it into consideration which would give me a 50/50 chance of possibly getting approved for the loan (I don't really know what else there is to consider, but whatever). That's going to take up to 14 days because of course they have to send the decision through snail mail. My classes are going to be cancled on the 30th of this month which gives me about 2 or 3 days to come up with the money if I am rejected. My grandma told me that the moment I get the letter in the mail to call her and if I'm rejected that she and my aunt would go to their bank and get the money for me anyway they could - even if the had to take out a personal loan.

Her saying that made me feel relieved, but at the same time I would hate for my family to go into more debt because of my fucked up issues. So here I am. I'm just waiting for the letter in the mail, going to class, doing my work like usual and hoping for the best. I guess that's all I can do.

Thanks again guys for the love. :grin:

Terrick
 
keeping my fingers crossed for u
 
Terrick,

You have been very honest with us. I hope we can help you.

Most colleges offer a counseling service where you can get free counseling. This could apply to career and study issues as well as counseling for CSA. There is probably also a financial issues counseling center where they can steer you in those matters.

It would appear that the strong voices in your life are female. You are in need of strong male voices. This doesn't mean overbearing. Strength can be gentle. Do you have a male T?

I'm glad for the strong support you have from your Grandmother and Mother. However, they may not know all the issues you are contending with. They believe in you. This is wonderful. But it might seem wise for you to take a reduced load so that you can restore your academic grades.

There is no disgrace in a community college at all. It can be a good stepping stone to a career or even to another college. If that is the best option, then take it. They are often more willing to give you a little boost there. Because of other things you are dealing with, you might need a little boost. Don't be ashamed of it.

When I was a student I was dealing with loneliness and the milieu of factors involved with being a CSA survivor and being away from home. I was 18 when I started college but really I was a hurting 12-year-old inside. I made much better grades when I took a few courses at a time and lived at home.

Give yourself a break. You are trying so hard to please those who have laid up expectations on you. You don't want to just defeat those expectations. You obviously have a good mind because you write clearly and grammatically. You will be more successful if you can work for your own expectations. What do you want to do in life? NOT what does your Grandmother (loving as she is) want you to do.

You haven't reached the end. You just need to think about what are your options. Reformulate your expectations in terms of what the realities really are there and then pursue a more focused set of goals.

Allen

pufferfish :whistle:
 
Hang in there Terrick! I was compelled to post, boy was college interesting for me. I broke the levee the last day of my freshman year "under the influence" of "things". By the time I was back for my sophomore year I had remembered quite a bit. Certainly details and understanding evolved through the years, but I was a changed person. That was 1991. I struggled big time in college, trying to suppress all the memories and trying to survive. I blew it in a way. I did eventually get through, but I wasted what should have been a great opportunity. But, you know what? I was hurting big time and had not even the remotest idea how to deal other than to want it all to just go away.

Glad to hear you don't have alcohol and substance abuse issues. That makes things *way* easier and less chaotic. And you at least have developed a support system and are looking at your past instead of running or hiding from it (you see, that was me). And if you can get involved with any student health services that is good too. I agree with Allen, no need to feel any shame in whatever path this takes for you. Just don't give up on the idea of going to school and having the opportunity at an education. I'm not saying it is everything, because certainly you can learn plenty without it. But if you have the chance and are willing to put the time in it is a good thing.

Eric
 
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