me and my boarding school
Newguy1453
New Registrant
Hey, i am in my mid 20's my parents are not really educated so in order to provide me with a good education they sent me off to a boarding school at the age of 7. It was a all boys boarding school with 1 to 12 standard and children from ages 7 to 18.
It was a high class boarding school. There was an older student that studied there and he befriended me and started showing me porn vids and pics when i was 8 and he made me do stuff to him and also did stuff to me i was just a kid at that time and did knew what was happening but i hated it. I was scared of him so i kept quiet and just went through to it. It was a really bad experience and fucked me up mentally. That guy told others in the same boarding school also and soon a few others started to do it if i said no they would blackmail me that they will tell everyone and i got scared. It was no very frequent but it kept on happening for 6 years. Around 4 to 5 guys in total ra*ed me.
At the age of 14 i left the boarding school and started living at home again but that experience and those memories fucked my mind. I never told anyone about this but i still get nightmares about it. Sometimes i just feel like i want to vanish from the face of this earth so that I don't have to face anyone. I get episodes of flashbacks in my mind which I have no control off. It has totally destroyed me i cannot sleep in the same bed with anyone even my gf and can't even have a stable relationship. If someone knocks on my door i get a chill in my spine and i get scared really shocked. Untill now i have never talked to anyone about it and never mentioned it. I found this group on Reddit and you guys inspired me to finally say it out loud.
As i write this i am still having all the memories flooding back in my mind and i actually feel disgusted at myself for letting it happen. I cut all ties with my friends from that boarding school because I don't want to face them. I have this guilt and shame brewing up in me because there is absolutely no one that i can share all this with. I don't wanna share this with my parents because it will crush them all they did was try and give me a good education that they never got.
I am a really chatty person and a good company as i am told sometimes I'll be sitting with a group of people talking to them and suddenly a thought pops up in my mind that what will they all think if they knew about all that and it just depresses so much that i want to shut myself up from everyone and don't have to face anyone. Even when i see an intimate scene on a tv series or movie all those memories flood back into my mind. On the outside i am a normal person i got graduated from a world class university have a good job will he studying my masters soon. But on the inside its eating me alive.
So this is my life story which no one in this world knows about. I finally felt confident to share it in this community. I would love if you guys can help me and tell me on how to cope with it.
It was a high class boarding school. There was an older student that studied there and he befriended me and started showing me porn vids and pics when i was 8 and he made me do stuff to him and also did stuff to me i was just a kid at that time and did knew what was happening but i hated it. I was scared of him so i kept quiet and just went through to it. It was a really bad experience and fucked me up mentally. That guy told others in the same boarding school also and soon a few others started to do it if i said no they would blackmail me that they will tell everyone and i got scared. It was no very frequent but it kept on happening for 6 years. Around 4 to 5 guys in total ra*ed me.
At the age of 14 i left the boarding school and started living at home again but that experience and those memories fucked my mind. I never told anyone about this but i still get nightmares about it. Sometimes i just feel like i want to vanish from the face of this earth so that I don't have to face anyone. I get episodes of flashbacks in my mind which I have no control off. It has totally destroyed me i cannot sleep in the same bed with anyone even my gf and can't even have a stable relationship. If someone knocks on my door i get a chill in my spine and i get scared really shocked. Untill now i have never talked to anyone about it and never mentioned it. I found this group on Reddit and you guys inspired me to finally say it out loud.
As i write this i am still having all the memories flooding back in my mind and i actually feel disgusted at myself for letting it happen. I cut all ties with my friends from that boarding school because I don't want to face them. I have this guilt and shame brewing up in me because there is absolutely no one that i can share all this with. I don't wanna share this with my parents because it will crush them all they did was try and give me a good education that they never got.
I am a really chatty person and a good company as i am told sometimes I'll be sitting with a group of people talking to them and suddenly a thought pops up in my mind that what will they all think if they knew about all that and it just depresses so much that i want to shut myself up from everyone and don't have to face anyone. Even when i see an intimate scene on a tv series or movie all those memories flood back into my mind. On the outside i am a normal person i got graduated from a world class university have a good job will he studying my masters soon. But on the inside its eating me alive.
So this is my life story which no one in this world knows about. I finally felt confident to share it in this community. I would love if you guys can help me and tell me on how to cope with it.
