LAck of sympathy for teenaged girls

[dark empathy]

The other day I found something in myself I didn't like which I feel probably belongs here.

I started looking through poddiobooks.com for something to read and read the description of a fantasy novel where the main character was a 15 year old girl with special powers in a situation beyond her control.

My first thought? "yuck!" I hate being prejudiced, and I really didn't like this reaction.

It's fairly obvious to me where this is from, but i don't know what I can do.

it is true that in terms of my libido I don't find young looking girls attractive, and this was of course fine, and didn't cause problems, but when i'm refusing to associate?

I remember at a recent Doctor who converence having a long and detailed chat with a 15 year old boy who was a major doctor who fan and adict (as am I), and I feel slightly shocked within myself to realize that had he been female, I'd have been much more nervous and possibly dismissive.

i'm not sure what I can do here, i'm just sharing.

 

[EGL]

Hi de,

I think your reaction is understandable, since it sounds like this was a pretty big trigger for you. There are certains types of guys who trigger me, as they remind me of the abusers. In the past I have tried to avoid them, but I wonder if maybe I'm just avoiding dealing with the problem? Thanks for sharing this, and I hope it helped you in talking about it. Is it something you think you could explore with your T as well?

 

[dark empathy]

I wouldn't even describe it as being triggered Egl, it was just a gut reaction of mild distaste, like getting oozing mud on my hands.

I did have one serious triggering experience with a girl who had the same local accent, slightly resembled (ie long dark hair), my abusers, and also (and this was a major thing for me), smelled strongly of cigarette smoke attempting to talk to me and worse, touch my hand in summer (at that point I literally turned around and legged it).

While I can understand those sorts of experiences (even if I don't necessarily like them), it's the universality of my reaction there that appauled me.

I well might talk to my counseler about this tomorrow.