Gay or bi - trigger warning

[crosshatch]

TW rape, incest, child sexual abuse, child on child sexual abuse, pedophilia, partner rape, sexuality issues.
When I was a young child I was raped by my father, most likely repeatedly. I don't remember it happening, but I get body flashbacks that immobilize me. I have since been sexually abused or raped by three other people who identified as male at the time they hurt me.

I've been hurt by three women, two were young girls, but they were still older than me. It was child on child stuff, the other was eight years older than me and a pedophile. She groomed me for six or seven months.

Currently I identify as gay, the relationship I was in was just ended by my ex because he wasn't attracted to guys anymore. He raped me during our relationship. I think I might be bi, though. I'm worried about it. I've never had a good relationship with a woman. In all my relationships I am very submissive because I was groomed to be that way. Would a woman be okay with that? Or is being submissive something I should change? Would a woman be willing to date me even though I have been raped? I am a trans man as well, would I be seen as masculine enough? Would me being trans and being a rape survivor be too much to deal with? Or would that just make her want to hurt me?

I can see myself dating a woman. But I have never been in a relationship that didn't hurt me. My most recent relationship was the longest and I thought the most meaningful I had, but he raped me. Because of the grooming I went through I believe most people want to hurt me, especially if they are interested in me sexually or romantically.

I'm not really sure. I want someone who can protect me, I don't think gender matters when it comes to that. Has anyone else been through something similar? I'm also worried I'm attracted to guys because of what my dad did to me as a child. I get irrational fears sometimes, I'm not sure if that's one of them.

 

[Pollux]

TW rape, incest, child sexual abuse, child on child sexual abuse, pedophilia, partner rape, sexuality issues.
When I was a young child I was raped by my father, most likely repeatedly. I don't remember it happening, but I get body flashbacks that immobilize me. I have since been sexually abused or raped by three other people who identified as male at the time they hurt me.

I've been hurt by three women, two were young girls, but they were still older than me. It was child on child stuff, the other was eight years older than me and a pedophile. She groomed me for six or seven months.

Currently I identify as gay, the relationship I was in was just ended by my ex because he wasn't attracted to guys anymore. He raped me during our relationship. I think I might be bi, though. I'm worried about it. I've never had a good relationship with a woman. In all my relationships I am very submissive because I was groomed to be that way. Would a woman be okay with that? Or is being submissive something I should change? Would a woman be willing to date me even though I have been raped? I am a trans man as well, would I be seen as masculine enough? Would me being trans and being a rape survivor be too much to deal with? Or would that just make her want to hurt me?

I can see myself dating a woman. But I have never been in a relationship that didn't hurt me. My most recent relationship was the longest and I thought the most meaningful I had, but he raped me. Because of the grooming I went through I believe most people want to hurt me, especially if they are interested in me sexually or romantically.

I'm not really sure. I want someone who can protect me, I don't think gender matters when it comes to that. Has anyone else been through something similar? I'm also worried I'm attracted to guys because of what my dad did to me as a child. I get irrational fears sometimes, I'm not sure if that's one of them.

I’m so sorry for what you have went through. You’ll find a lot of support here. Unfortunately, many of us have similar stories and issues that we can relate. I think the general consensus here and in the psychology community is that child sexual abuse doesn’t determine your sexuality or gender; but it can confuse you...

I think there is another trans man here who visits regularly... I also have gender issues that I’m dealing with but I would be a trans woman if I transitioned.

I was molested by my stepfather and stepbrother.

 

[crosshatch]

I’m so sorry for what you have went through. You’ll find a lot of support here. Unfortunately, many of us have similar stories and issues that we can relate. I think the general consensus here and in the psychology community is that child sexual abuse doesn’t determine your sexuality or gender; but it can confuse you...

I think there is another trans man here who visits regularly... I also have gender issues that I’m dealing with but I would be a trans woman if I transitioned.

I was molested by my stepfather and stepbrother.

My sister is a trans woman. Being able to transition is one of the few things that makes me happy, I am currently taking testosterone. You don't have to transition to be trans, also. I was trans before I came out to anyone, I was just trans in secret. All you need to be a a trans woman is to want to be a woman, all I needed to be a trans guy was to want to be a guy :^) I hope you find some peace with your gender questioning and that you do whatever will make you happiest.

I'm sorry to hear about what you went through. I hope you are recovering well.