Few Days Old
Survivormode
Registrant
I posted a threat the other day, but someone mentioned I did not do an intro. So, here it is.
I am here because of my situation like many of you in here. Regardless of our situation, it has impacted us to where life becomes complicated and confusion.
*possible trigger*
When I was about 6-7, my cousin first taught me what sex was. She was the same age as me. Of course, I realize now that she must have sadly been victimized. This went off and on for years. Didn’t even know what the hell I was doing at first. But I actually thought I was lucky and enjoyed it. Then as I get older, I become addicted to porn. I would look for anyone that would want to sleep with me. I preferred unprotected sex because of the feelings. Anger, anxiety, low self-esteem... going on the end of my second marriage. This in of itself still tears at me. Guilt, shame, enjoyment. However, I still cannot literally remember anything before my first experience with her. I honestly do not remember much before High School. Snapshots mainly in the earlier years... but I struggle to remember any of it. I know I suffered from abandonment and emotional abuse (that I know of)... but I literally wonder what else I don’t remember.
I remember a neighbor friend’s brother (about 16 I guess at the time) that tried to tell me to perform oral sex on him. I was probably 7-8. While I ran off, all I can remember is my Brother told me “go see him in his garage.” My own brother throwing me to the wolves.
I wished to join you all as I read your stories and see strength in everyone. Even those still suffering greatly from their past. The ability to open up and talk about it. Not to mention the tremendous responses. I guess I need to face reality and start to not only talk about my past but also try to help others in support.
I am here because of my situation like many of you in here. Regardless of our situation, it has impacted us to where life becomes complicated and confusion.
*possible trigger*
When I was about 6-7, my cousin first taught me what sex was. She was the same age as me. Of course, I realize now that she must have sadly been victimized. This went off and on for years. Didn’t even know what the hell I was doing at first. But I actually thought I was lucky and enjoyed it. Then as I get older, I become addicted to porn. I would look for anyone that would want to sleep with me. I preferred unprotected sex because of the feelings. Anger, anxiety, low self-esteem... going on the end of my second marriage. This in of itself still tears at me. Guilt, shame, enjoyment. However, I still cannot literally remember anything before my first experience with her. I honestly do not remember much before High School. Snapshots mainly in the earlier years... but I struggle to remember any of it. I know I suffered from abandonment and emotional abuse (that I know of)... but I literally wonder what else I don’t remember.
I remember a neighbor friend’s brother (about 16 I guess at the time) that tried to tell me to perform oral sex on him. I was probably 7-8. While I ran off, all I can remember is my Brother told me “go see him in his garage.” My own brother throwing me to the wolves.
I wished to join you all as I read your stories and see strength in everyone. Even those still suffering greatly from their past. The ability to open up and talk about it. Not to mention the tremendous responses. I guess I need to face reality and start to not only talk about my past but also try to help others in support.
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