Down (triggers)
It is a fear
You don't know where it comes from
But it is always there
Not always felt
But when it is, you realize that it has been there all along
Not a fear to make you cry out
Or to hide in a corner
Or to even close your eyes
Just a feeling of uneasiness
A sort of undercurrent that must be held down
That must not be let loose
That must not be allowed to circulate in conscious frames of mind
And you wonder where it comes from
And what it is
And why it is that you're afraid
Or perhaps afraid
Or on the verge of fear
It is a loneliness that has no explanation
It permeates your being
And somehow holds you prisoner inside yourself
Nothing can touch it
No one can get through
No amount of love can break its boundaries
It is a stark feeling of nothingness
Of hopelessness
Of helplessness
And at times you wait for a savior
A hero
Someone to break through the darkness and carry you away
But the hero never comes
And you live your life as though this part of you did not exist
Did not wait for you each time you are alone
Did not look over your shoulder at any happiness that might be found
And you call out to the emptiness
And sometimes a voice calls back
A voice like your own
From one who understands
And for a moment there is hope
That someone will come in
And find you sitting there
Alone
Afraid
Ashamed of who you are
Ashamed of what you are
Aware that you seem to be helpless
Unable to break the spell
Cast upon you so many years ago
By one who had more hate than you could bear
It is a guilt
A shame
For being lonely...afraid
For not overcoming what it is that holds you
Freezes you in time
Causes you to call out in silent cries
Feeling that just one smashing drive against the walls would set you free
And yet you stay
Lonely and afraid
It is a hope
That if you cry out enough
If enough people come to touch you
Let you feel their warmth
Let you know they're there
That somehow it can lift you up
Make you strong
For some days you can feel that strength
Can process love
Can know the way you think the others live
It will pass
This time will pass
This down time will pass
For what good is there in screaming "God help me!"
How many times
How many times have you looked to God for help
How many times have you wondered why
How many times have you seen your father's eyes and longed for him to hold you
And wanted to see exactly what he did to destroy you
Not wisps of memory
Not fleeting views
Not brief flashbacks
Let me see
Let me see
Let me know
It is a determination
From somewhere deep inside
That in spite of everything
In spite of all the rest of it
I will prevail
But, Lord, I'm tired
And yet I stumble on
Sorry, Bobby
You don't know where it comes from
But it is always there
Not always felt
But when it is, you realize that it has been there all along
Not a fear to make you cry out
Or to hide in a corner
Or to even close your eyes
Just a feeling of uneasiness
A sort of undercurrent that must be held down
That must not be let loose
That must not be allowed to circulate in conscious frames of mind
And you wonder where it comes from
And what it is
And why it is that you're afraid
Or perhaps afraid
Or on the verge of fear
It is a loneliness that has no explanation
It permeates your being
And somehow holds you prisoner inside yourself
Nothing can touch it
No one can get through
No amount of love can break its boundaries
It is a stark feeling of nothingness
Of hopelessness
Of helplessness
And at times you wait for a savior
A hero
Someone to break through the darkness and carry you away
But the hero never comes
And you live your life as though this part of you did not exist
Did not wait for you each time you are alone
Did not look over your shoulder at any happiness that might be found
And you call out to the emptiness
And sometimes a voice calls back
A voice like your own
From one who understands
And for a moment there is hope
That someone will come in
And find you sitting there
Alone
Afraid
Ashamed of who you are
Ashamed of what you are
Aware that you seem to be helpless
Unable to break the spell
Cast upon you so many years ago
By one who had more hate than you could bear
It is a guilt
A shame
For being lonely...afraid
For not overcoming what it is that holds you
Freezes you in time
Causes you to call out in silent cries
Feeling that just one smashing drive against the walls would set you free
And yet you stay
Lonely and afraid
It is a hope
That if you cry out enough
If enough people come to touch you
Let you feel their warmth
Let you know they're there
That somehow it can lift you up
Make you strong
For some days you can feel that strength
Can process love
Can know the way you think the others live
It will pass
This time will pass
This down time will pass
For what good is there in screaming "God help me!"
How many times
How many times have you looked to God for help
How many times have you wondered why
How many times have you seen your father's eyes and longed for him to hold you
And wanted to see exactly what he did to destroy you
Not wisps of memory
Not fleeting views
Not brief flashbacks
Let me see
Let me see
Let me know
It is a determination
From somewhere deep inside
That in spite of everything
In spite of all the rest of it
I will prevail
But, Lord, I'm tired
And yet I stumble on
Sorry, Bobby