*Triggers Possible* Do you ever feel exploited?

Triggers
*Triggers Possible* Do you ever feel exploited?
L

lsmith

Registrant
I’m feeling that no one cares about me, only about my trauma. It seems to be a way to exploit. I want to make individual meaningful connections because of my trauma. I don’t want to feel alone. How does everyone else feel?
 
Thank you Silly! I guess maybe I’d like to make some of those meaningful connections. I just don’t know how.
 
I have felt unintentionally exploited in the past, yes. When people talk about male victims as being "equal" to female victims in one breath, but that's it. Crickets about shelters for men, deliberately excluding men from "MeToo", etc.

I also get very angry when "dudebros" talk about how lucky boys that have been victimized are. Things like "why couldn't that have happened to me hur hur hur". I am NOT lucky, it freaking ruined my life. I'm a divorced, balding, 450 lbs shut in freak-of-nature because of it.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to be here. I wish you well, and I hope you are able to find some healing.
 
You will experience caring and support here. Just hang in with us, read what others have experienced and good advice given. Much you can learn and see how others deal with their issues from the abuse we all went through.
 
Vargr said:
I also get very angry when "dudebros" talk about how lucky boys that have been victimized are. Things like "why couldn't that have happened to me hur hur hur". I am NOT lucky, it freaking ruined my life.
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Sadly these trolls have shown up here before... and likely will again, but yeah - I know what you mean.
 
Vargr said:
I have felt unintentionally exploited in the past, yes. When people talk about male victims as being "equal" to female victims in one breath, but that's it. Crickets about shelters for men, deliberately excluding men from "MeToo", etc.

I also get very angry when "dudebros" talk about how lucky boys that have been victimized are. Things like "why couldn't that have happened to me hur hur hur". I am NOT lucky, it freaking ruined my life. I'm a I have felt unintentionally exploited in the past, yes. When people talk about male victims as being "equal" to female victims in one breath, but that's it. Crickets about shelters for men, deliberately excluding men from "MeToo", etc.

I also get very angry when "dudebros" talk about how lucky boys that have been victimized are. Things like "why couldn't that have happened to me hur hur hur". I am NOT lucky, it freaking ruined my life. I'm a divorced, balding, 450 lbs shut in freak-of-nature because of it.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to be here. I wish you well, and I hope you are able to find some healing.
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I’m not a shut in, but I’m as close to one as a person could be. I very rarely leave my house anymore. I don’t feel safe when I’m out in the world. I’m sorry your life is ruined, but you have someone in me that truly cares about you. I would say that is the case with all the men in this community. Please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.
 
lsmith said:
I’m feeling that no one cares about me, only about my trauma. It seems to be a way to exploit. I want to make individual meaningful connections because of my trauma. I don’t want to feel alone. How does everyone else feel?
Click to expand...

I can relate. I often have felt alone, and have also found some survivors so focused on the sex part of their abuse that it seems to stunt their empathy for anything else. That can make their interest seem exploitive. Finding this site has had ups and downs, but I know I'm not alone anymore, and some of the guys here genuinely care. Especially Silly, he's saved my life in the past with his support.

Vargr said:
I have felt unintentionally exploited in the past, yes. When people talk about male victims as being "equal" to female victims in one breath, but that's it. Crickets about shelters for men, deliberately excluding men from "MeToo", etc.

I also get very angry when "dudebros" talk about how lucky boys that have been victimized are. Things like "why couldn't that have happened to me hur hur hur". I am NOT lucky, it freaking ruined my life. I'm a divorced, balding, 450 lbs shut in freak-of-nature because of it.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to be here. I wish you well, and I hope you are able to find some healing.
Click to expand...

Omg do I hate the "hur hur hur" crowd, so immature and insensitive. I am also largely a shut in.
 
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travelerdelta said:
You will experience caring and support here. Just hang in with us, read what others have experienced and good advice given. Much you can learn and see how others deal with their issues from the abuse we all went through.
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Thank you! I’m definitely planning on staying in this community. One of my hesitations is that I fear saying or posting something that would be innocent, but could hurt or re-traumatize, or trigger someone’s feeling or experience. That’s the last thing in the world I would want to do. I also am fearful of posting something that might be inappropriate or too graphic. It’s a learning process on how to share for me.
 
lsmith said:
Thank you! I’m definitely planning on staying in this community. One of my hesitations is that I fear saying or posting something that would be innocent, but could hurt or re-traumatize, or trigger someone’s feeling or experience. That’s the last thing in the world I would want to do. I also am fearful of posting something that might be inappropriate or too graphic. It’s a learning process on how to share for me.
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A lot of us are pretty understanding of triggers here, and if we see something that triggers us we move past it, and don't hold it against the person who posted. I don't have much advice for the "inappropriate" fear though. I'm still worried about that one too. In any event, you are welcome here.
 
kamyk said:
I can relate. I often have felt alone, and have also found some survivors so focused on the sex part of their abuse that it seems to stunt their empathy for anything else. Finding this site has had ups and downs, but I know I'm not alone anymore, and some of the guys here genuinely care. Especially Silly, he's saved my life in the past with his support.



Omg do I hate the "hur hur hur" crowd, so immature and insensitive. I am also largely a shut in.
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Speaking of sex, it has been almost 18 years since my drugging, gang rape, physical assault, and having my body left for dead, and I still have difficulty with intimacy. I honestly can say, I was abstinent for over 10 years after my abuse and that my sex life is nonexistent now. I can’t get comfortable, relaxed, or trusting with anyone in relation to sex. However, I agree with you that some are so focused on the sex part that it feels as if others don’t see the rest of me. They don’t see that I’m anxious, or depressed, or just feeling lonely. Finally, I’m so happy to hear that you have found support on this site.
 
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lsmith said:
Speaking of sex, it has been almost 18 years since my gang rape, and physical assault, and I still have difficulty with intimacy. I honestly can say, I was abstinent for over 10 years after my abuse and that my sex life is nonexistent now. I can’t get comfortable, relaxed, or trusting with anyone in relation to sex. However, I agree with you that some are so focused on the sex part that it feels as if others don’t see the rest of me. They don’t see that I’m anxious, or depressed, or just feeling lonely. Finally, I’m so happy to hear that you have found support on this site.
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Some of us will see all of you :)
 
kamyk said:
A lot of us are pretty understanding of triggers here, and if we see something that triggers us we move past it, and don't hold it against the person who posted. I don't have much advice for the "inappropriate" fear though. I'm still worried about that one too. In any event, you are welcome here.
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Just knowing someone else has the fear of “inappropriate” makes me feel like I’m not an alien, nor am I alone. I say alien because very few men or boys speak openly about this difficult subject so I feel alone at times or like no one else can understand what I’ve been through.
 
lsmith said:
Thank you! I’m definitely planning on staying in this community. One of my hesitations is that I fear saying or posting something that would be innocent, but could hurt or re-traumatize, or trigger someone’s feeling or experience. That’s the last thing in the world I would want to do. I also am fearful of posting something that might be inappropriate or too graphic. It’s a learning process on how to share for me.
Click to expand...
all you can do is put trigger warning to any posts you think may trigger someone then its up to guys to read it or not
 
lsmith said:
Speaking of sex, it has been almost 18 years since my drugging, gang rape, physical assault, and having my body left for dead, and I still have difficulty with intimacy. I honestly can say, I was abstinent for over 10 years after my abuse and that my sex life is nonexistent now. I can’t get comfortable, relaxed, or trusting with anyone in relation to sex. However, I agree with you that some are so focused on the sex part that it feels as if others don’t see the rest of me. They don’t see that I’m anxious, or depressed, or just feeling lonely. Finally, I’m so happy to hear that you have found support on this site.
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I'm going to out myself here: I haven't had sex in 15 years, and my marriage (ex) was largely sexless.

You aren't alone
 
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