Countdowns at 8 years old

[Trev]

Here we are it is the next to the last day of school and summer is about to begin. My 8 year old will be 9 in August and he is at that age where girls are still ick and have their side of the playground and the boys hang together.

He is an athlete loves games loves competitions and tries to do everything. He loves his friends and his smile makes my day.

Last night his eyes sparkled with thoughts of summer and swimming.

Being a survivor dad I measured my own success of being a dad by how care free my sons could be. Not letting the world harm them was something I took pride in, I had to let that false measurement go when we lost their mom and I had to recalibrate what successfully parenting was and that it was actually allowing the hurt in and being ther to navigate it with them. Watching my youngest with tears in his eyes deal with loss will always hurt my heart, but we were arm in arm in that hurt and when I broke my expectations of success we flourished in grief together.

Summer is here my young son
whose eyes have held the tears of loss

they now hold expectation
of summer trips and swimming spots

camping in the trees
under the stars

for success is no longer keeping pain at bay
but facing all things together

and knowing that tears and smiles will be part of it

love you son
in this summer you will be 9 and girls
will still be ick.