Anniversary meltdown

[bluesky]

Yesterday was my 24 wedding anniversary. I am married for 24 years to a wonderful woman. But she does have her flaws like all of us. one is that birthdays and anniversary are not really important to her. But I'm the total opposite I'm romantic and feel that they are very important and mean a lot to me. She knows that it important to me we have had many conversations about it and she says she understands but most of the time there in no card gift or like my birthday in September she forgot about it and only picked up on it because I was moping. I don't need a bought card or gift a note and a hug or dinner is good enough. Well I whent a got her a few gifts and flowers. Everything in stages. She was taking a shower so I left a love fortune cookie at the door. It's a metal cookie that you put notes in. She thought it was a toy that the kids left in the room and just left it there and it whet down hill from there. She didn't get me any thing no card no gift no I'm sorry I want to but was so busy this week just oh I d get you anything but I will. I got kind of angry but not in a loud way. I admit I told her that she had a year to work on this that she knows it's im to me and that I was very disappointed. I had to go out when got back I got the cold shoulder treatment and I worked hard on letting it go but I got shited on. Well last night we talked about it well I did most of the talking and apologized for making her feel bad but it tookme melting down for her to say I am sorry for not realizing this is important to you and I am sorry you are in so much pain. I still upset and feel that I am not realy cared for on a deep level that I am really alone. That my feelings are insignificant.

 

[traveler]

I get it, Bluesky!

My mom often forgot my birthdays from the time I went to college. and she pretty much ignored my kids.

My wife remembers the dates - our anniversary and my birthday, but often doesn't do much in the way of gifts, even though I drop lots of hints. our anniversary is mostly about her.

I, on the other hand - go all out. it makes me feel less important, appreciated and loved to be neglected.

so - I understand how you feel. I am sorry that you have had such a hard time on a day that should have been so special. for anyone to make it through 24 years of marriage is unusual nowadays. for a survivor to make it that long in a marriage is a miracle! Congratulations!

Lee

 

[bluesky]

Thanks Lee
In all I have wonderful marriage. My wife is caring and patience with me. She is overall there. But some how this is something that must be hard for her. I don't know why but it is. I have asked her but she seams not to know or won't say.

At the moment I amat work and ok but beneath my Facade I am depressed,anxious and angry. In that order and intensity. Feel like hiding somewhere and just disappearing. I don't think any card or present will help. The only thing will be if she feels and does something genuinely from her heart like taking me out to dinner or going somewhere but that she thinks of it. We supposedly have a date for Tuesday nigh for dinner. I'm Not sure if I do say anything that she would say what time are the reservations. I don't want to be like that all tit for tat but if it makes no mater to her then I can't keep up this without receiving some kind of love other than the bed room. I need to feel like I mater I do think I am asking for much. Or maybe I'm just crazy I don't think this has anything to do with being a Sorvivor I think it normal to show others that you appreciate and love them. I know that many people have a hard time with that but it's what I feel. If she can't then it about her not me I don't have to be blamed for making her feel guilty. Even though I did apologized for making her feel bad I don't for my feelings. Thanks for letting me rant and rave if you had the patientsto read this far.

 

[bluesky]

Hi
Since I last posted I have been very upset and very depressed. nevertheless I would not let this come in the way of working things out with my wife. Not totally ok but doing my best to stay grounded and keep communication open with her and trying to have compassion for her even if I'm not understanding the reason for the behavior. It's hard but she has been there for me and is. It also helped that she has apologized. I intend to work on this with her so that we can celebrate events like birthdays and anniversarys in a way that makes sense to both of us.

 

[bluesky]

I'm really not sure any more if anything makes sense. I can't stop the pain. I am feeling hurt, sick and not my self. I try to do my breathing medetation and get triggered. I feel like my mind is stuck. I just want life to stop and let me rest. But since September I can't get any relief from outside events that then affect my inner equilibrium. It sucks. I'm thinking of trying meds at this point if what I was talking in supplements don't kick in soon. It helped in the past except I stoped tacking them for the past few months. I don't want meds I konw to many of there side effects and I hate Dr. So I hope I don't end up needing them. Any way it's shit.

 

[30something]

I'm sorry, friend.

I refused meds for years because they made me dazed and sluggish. I finally conceded and now (along with therapy, good friends, no more alcohol, more exercise, and MS friendships) my anti-depressant is working for me. It gets me out of bed every day. That's huge.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It took me a year to figure out which med works for me. I hope you find a solution, whether it's meds or not. We are rooting for you.

Asa

 

[bluesky]

Thank you for kindness and support. I have been doing over all well with weekly therapy and a close support network that consists of my wife and a few friends. But since September things have just been going from one traumatic situation to another. Coping with it is just so hard it gets to be unbelievable and unbearable. A few weeks before this new episode in my life I was being sexualy harassed at work and I can't quite this job. I was worked out in the end. But I am left with a mess in my head and I feel that it will just never end its like lets just shit on him he can take it he is used to it so let's abuse use him. I just want to take care of my self my family and my patients. I would like to be loved like I love others but I know that it's to much to ask for in the life that I was dealt. I also don't believe that my situation with my mental health will ever be at a place that coasts on its own it will always have to be maintained and worked with and that sucks big time.