Adoption issues

Adoption issues
Morgan McCall

Morgan McCall

Registrant
I’m beginning to work through sone adoption issues. I have a T. I’m submitting paperwork for a search of biological parents. I don’t really know why, but I do know why I never did. It was to please my adoptive parents. It’s quite possible this may but have a good outcome. There’s a whole other boatload of stuff there. I’m ok with that too.

Tonight I decided to join a chat group, and a FB group about adoption. My sister who’s also adopted, separately, and is my primary abuser was in both groups. I backed out of both quickly since I can’t be involved with her anymore than I absolutely have to. Once again she has taken something from me. All my life she’s been taking things from me, even taking people from my life. After her divorce she moved in with my parents and took much of that relationship from me, since I can’t spend time around her. Odd thought for the night while looking at the legal title to my body (my adoption papers) is that like my two rescue dogs, I have a “gotcha date” aside from my birthday. This name I use here is supposedly my birth name or the name the state gave me, but I was known and called it the first 3 months of my life.
 
Hi Morgan

I was not adopted I lived with my birth parents and siblings. I do have some experience my sister gave up he first child to adoption and then later in life she wanted to find him and did. He lived in another city. I met him before my sister did and I found him to be an ok young man. I drove him up and introduced him to my sister. I think everything went ok for several months and then everything fell apart. I believe it was the guilt on her part that started the relationship to change. My sister dropped her family and ran off with him to who knows where. I did not here from her for 5 maybe 6 years. She called me on my birthday I thought oh how nice of you to call. She hadn't called to wish me happy birthday, she needed help her house had burned down, I don't know what happened between them. That was almost their last contact.

I also know of another story that worked out good. It was taken very slowly and with his adoptive parents help and he was able to meet his bio parents and has a relationship with them in fact both families get along well. so he ended up with 2 sets of parents. They have had this going on for many years.

So I think I am telling you this so you go into this with your eyes open and understand what you find could be good and could be not so good. If you get along with your adoptive parents I would try to let them help you as you never know what you will find. There was a reason for you being adopted and it could be something that is going to be hard on you. It could be something like with my sister she was forced by my dad to give him up as she was just 15. There are many reasons that kids get adopted.

I wish you all the best in this Morgan
Take good care
 
Thanks.
My sister did find her biological mother. The lady refused to meet my sister before she died. My sister has met some of her half siblings and they have embraced her as family. I have always a pretty decent relationship with my adopted parents, but unfortunately with my sister (my abuser) living with them them it is difficult. My parents are elderly, and my sister helps with their care, and they support her financially. They have no idea how painful it is for me to have to deal with her. I’m unwilling to disrupt things this late in their lives. I have heard plenty of horror stories and a few successes. Odds are she is not alive as she would be in her 70s more than likely. Like I said I have a therapist I am working with who has some experience in adoption issues.
 
Morgan
veryperipheral experience here but my ex wife saunters a certified search consultant for many years and has stories of both happily ever afters and Slammed doors to restraining orders. Please take care and prepare for ANYresponse if you locate them. I’m glad you have an experienced T.

on another note by this time next week I will officially be grandpa as my Sonos scheduled to finalize an adoption of the child placed with them for foster care 18 months ago on Thursday.
 
Congratulations on the adoption! Yes I know the risks, the possibility of rejection, and the emotional impact that can have. Part of this for me has been the realization that the only reason I haven't done this sooner (like 30 years ago) is because of my role in my family growing up, not ever making waves. My parents liked that I always said my adoption didn't matter, that I wasn't interested, that I didn't want to look. They told me what to think and I believed it to make them happy. I chose instead to enjoy the fairy tale they told me. Origins are important, and even if it goes terrible (like some of my sisters story) at least I will probably be able to get a little more info about where I come from. I wish I could have my families support in this, but right now I am minimizing my involvement with them, as I can't deal with my sister/abuser right now and she lives with my parents. I have no desire to have any sort of emotional interaction with her. She would be so happy to be helpful with this, but I don't won't want that, and I am unwilling to broach the abuse issue (again) with my elderly parents.
 
Morgan McCall said:
I’m unwilling to disrupt things this late in their lives
Click to expand...
Yes that is maybe the best route. I think it would be hard to not know where you come from and who your bio family is. Best wishes that things work out for you. I believe this to be very important to you and can understand wanting to know your origins.
 
@Morgan McCall - Good luck on your journey! I think the limited knowledge of my pre-birth history (absent father) makes me feel less than. Though I'm not sure how much the feeling was intensified by the abuse.
 
Morgan McCall said:
is because of my role in my family growing up, not ever making waves.
Click to expand...
That’s a powerful thing that I believe has limited a lot of us in life. I am working on that issue in T. She pointed out it time to take of Stephen (that’s me).

I wish you success and peace in you journey.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top