*Triggers Possible* Being sexually molested has warped my perspectives on the roles of Gay sex

Triggers
TheNewMason said:
Best of luck! I hope you find what you are looking for.
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Also, next time please try to be more sensitive and less judgemental. It's obvious i been told that before. Tons of guys bash me for my sexual limits which i do mention right away as i did in this post. It always strikes a nerve.
Just saying. The only reason why i havent found what i was looking for is because of bad luck, not my sexual limits. Even on this thread you see 2 men who have just replied saying they didnt mind sexual relationships with sexual limits. I have talked to quite a few men like that before myself, but there's always unrelated reasons why they couldn't be with me.
 
ColdsoreAutisticGuy said:
Also, next time please try to be more sensitive and less judgemental. It's obvious i been told that before. Tons of guys bash me for my sexual limits which i do mention right away as i did in this post. It always strikes a nerve.
Just saying. The only reason why i havent found what i was looking for is because of bad luck, not my sexual limits. Even on this thread you see 2 men who have just replied saying they didnt mind sexual relationships with sexual limits. I have talked to quite a few men like that before myself, but there's always unrelated reasons why they couldn't be with me.
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CAG: on a personal note, I owe you a reply to your private DM. I am struggling with wording. Something is telling me that you have already formed absolutes and it may be difficult to keep my observations from sounding like judgement or criticism. In the case of Mason's comment I am not reading any evidence of insensitivity or judgement by wishing you luck in finding what you are looking for. Please correct me if I am wrong, but wishing you luck on finding what you are looking for sounds supportive and acknowledging of your situation. How have you overthunk those very few words? (I am asking because I am fearful you may misunderstand some of the DM that I am struggling to compose. In NO way am I looking to upset you by telling you things you have heard before.)
 
Colt1958 said:
CAG: on a personal note, I owe you a reply to your private DM. I am struggling with wording. Something is telling me that you have already formed absolutes and it may be difficult to keep my observations from sounding like judgement or criticism. In the case of Mason's comment I am not reading any evidence of insensitivity or judgement by wishing you luck in finding what you are looking for. Please correct me if I am wrong, but wishing you luck on finding what you are looking for sounds supportive and acknowledging of your situation. How have you overthunk those very few words? (I am asking because I am fearful you may misunderstand some of the DM that I am struggling to compose. In NO way am I looking to upset you by telling you things you have heard before.)
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I think sometimes text is difficult with no tone or body language and facial features to read alongside it
Especially when you don't know a person
 
Colt1958 said:
CAG: on a personal note, I owe you a reply to your private DM. I am struggling with wording. Something is telling me that you have already formed absolutes and it may be difficult to keep my observations from sounding like judgement or criticism. In the case of Mason's comment I am not reading any evidence of insensitivity or judgement by wishing you luck in finding what you are looking for. Please correct me if I am wrong, but wishing you luck on finding what you are looking for sounds supportive and acknowledging of your situation. How have you overthunk those very few words? (I am asking because I am fearful you may misunderstand some of the DM that I am struggling to compose. In NO way am I looking to upset you by telling you things you have heard before.)
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I think sometimes text is difficult with no tone or body language and facial features to read alongside it
Especially when you don't know a person
 
Colt1958 said:
In the case of Mason's comment I am not reading any evidence of insensitivity or judgement by wishing you luck in finding what you are looking for. Please correct me if I am wrong, but wishing you luck on finding what you are looking for sounds supportive and acknowledging of your situation. How have you overthunk those very few words? (I am asking because I am fearful you may misunderstand some of the DM that I am struggling to compose. In NO way am I looking to upset you by telling you things you have heard before.)
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umm....
when I said "try not to be judgmental" I was actually referring to what he typed here:

TheNewMason said:
Being in a sexual relationship is a two way street. I don't want to say those who bashed you are "right" because that's not true. But, Engaging with any partner (gay or straight) there's certain expectations that pleasure is both received and given. I'm not saying you need to suck someone off if don't want to, or be penetrated if you don't want to, but if the person is not getting any affection/pleasure/whatever from you, they are going to bounce because the relationship is unbalanced. If you are seeking only pleasure for yourself and do not reciprocate, you are going to find relationships challenging. At that point, you aren't really looking for a "relationship" you are looking sex toy.

This might have more to do with being autistic and less about your sexual preferences and herpes diagnosis. Perhaps take some time to reflect on how you want to participate in a relationship and set clear boundaries up front. Like saying "I don't want to suck you off, but giving you a hand job is okay..." etc. Once you understand your own boundaries on what you want done to your body and what you want to do to other's it might manage expectations on both sides.
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the parts in bold just struck a nerve with me the most...
i don't like touching another guy's penis at all. i just needed a man who's a full bottom who doesn't want his penis touched. i'm 100% certain it's possible to find a man like that. There's NOTHING one-sided about that. it's just extremely triggering when someone criticizes me for that.
 
Healing light said:
I think sometimes text is difficult with no tone or body language and facial features to read alongside it
Especially when you don't know a person
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ABSOLUTELY TRUE! It's sad because VIRTUALLY EVERY SINGLE GUY I CROSS PATHS WITH ONLY WANTS TO TEXT! I always prefer hearing someone's voice instead. it's also very sad because it's very rare to find someone like that too.
i already know what someone here is bound to say relationships are about compromise (<Another thing I've had said to me HUNDREDS of times... I just needed to type it here before someone else did). It's just upsetting because we live in a world full of 8 billion people, but in all 29 years i been alive i can't manage to cross paths with ANYONE I fall inline with.
You can hopefully see how bleak things are looking for me. Especially when I spend 100% of my time alone. is there anyone here who can actually imagine that?
 
ColdsoreAutisticGuy said:
umm....
when I said "try not to be judgmental" I was actually referring to what he typed here:



the parts in bold just struck a nerve with me the most...
i don't like touching another guy's penis at all. i just needed a man who's a full bottom who doesn't want his penis touched. i'm 100% certain it's possible to find a man like that. There's NOTHING one-sided about that. it's just extremely triggering when someone criticizes me for that.
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Your original post had nothing in it saying you were okay with topping a guy. It was all about what you wanted done to you. So based on that, it sounded like you just wanted people to give you pleasure and that's it. You have made follow up posts since then with clearer information. Cool! So again, it goes back to clear communication and clear boundaries set.

At the end of the day, this isn't a dating site. This is a site to offer support and help. And, that's what we are all doing here.
 
ColdsoreAutisticGuy said:
actually my post did mention topping a guy. I said it here:



but yeah, you all get it now
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That was your abuse experience though. That may or not be a reflection of what you want now.

My point is, I am not a bad guy for trying to help. I understand you are not interested in hearing what I have to say or my view on it, and that's cool.

I truly do hope what you are looking for.
 
TheNewMason said:
At the end of the day, this isn't a dating site. This is a site to offer support and help. And, that's what we are all doing here.
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Some individuals on MS are open to hearing what others have to say and others are not. That's ok. MaleSurvivor is about hope, healing and support. It's where men join together to overcome sexual trauma. It isn't a dating site.
 
Jack1 said:
Some individuals on MS are open to hearing what others have to say and others are not. That's ok. MaleSurvivor is about hope, healing and support. It's where men join together to overcome sexual trauma. It isn't a dating site.
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Well duh, most men on this site are married
(Except me)
 
Jack1 said:
Whether men on this site are married or not has nothing to do with hope, healing and support.
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Actually it kinda does. You're spending EVERY DAY AND EVERY MOMENT alone like i am. If i had someone with me, that would DEFINITELY HELP me with my healing.
OR best yet, if another man was spending every single day alone like i am, and was damaged like i am, and crossed paths with me on this forum and him and i got in contact with each other, i Definitely feel like him and I together would help heal us both. So it definitely does have something to deal with it.
 
ColdsoreAutisticGuy said:
Actually it kinda does. You're spending EVERY DAY AND EVERY MOMENT alone like i am. If i had someone with me, that would DEFINITELY HELP me with my healing.
OR best yet, if another man was spending every single day alone like i am, and was damaged like i am, and crossed paths with me on this forum and him and i got in contact with each other, i Definitely feel like him and I together would help heal us both. So it definitely does have something to deal with it.
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Again this is not a dating site.
 
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