Trained in oral sex starting when I was nine
newClyde90
Registrant
First, I say that I am grateful for a place that victims can share in their own words without judgment. That his huge. Also, I would like to say that I used the real words for things instead of trying to substitute words I would not use in regular speaking. I wrote like I speak in group therapy or even individual therapy. To me it takes more work to dampen or diminish what was done to me, and what I did. How many of us have the energy to water down what happened to us?
There was never any incest in my life because I never met anyone related to me. I will discuss a bit about the system for unwanted kids in the United States and go through and how my abuse was all from men and I am mostly gay because of it, and mostly a pleaser. I have an oral fixation because of my initial abuse and I think about sucking frequently. If semi-detailed accounts of abuse trigger you, I warn you that I did not get detailed like a book writer or anything but I did describe some of the things that happened to me.
Chapter 1: Background
All that I got from my family is my Polish last name. No memories of even abuse, no college fund. I was eventually told that I got into the system when my single parent father was arrested for grand larceny. I was three. He served 26 months and got out and never came for me. I don’t know if he died but I assumed so because he dropped off the grid and never showed up for his assigned job or parole officer. This was in Arizona, so there is always the possibility he crossed into Mexico. I don’t know.
If you look it up, America does not have orphanages. Semantics. They decided not to use the word after world war 2.
I know that the people involved in the system mean well, but from the inside the system sucks. Like any large government system dealing with rejects. Not all kids are always in foster care. Usually half us us are in orphanages that they call group homes or some other name before the word home. Orphan home would be half honest because a lot of us (not me) had family on the radar but shitty family who either could not take care of their kids or didn’t want to. Some were rejected for deserving reasons like patterns of violence or other sociopathic behaviors. Some for reasons that aren’t their fault like mental retardation(we could say that back then) including autism but also including just being really stupid, or crazy, or going schizo, or physically handicapped or deformed. I was in the top tear because I was white and relatively intelligent and well behaved.
But the golden years for adoption to a real family are 0 to 3. Then the prospective parents assume you are scarred for life and they are usually right.
I was with the same family until I was seven. That is a long time! The family had two other foster kids but I was put back in the group home. I think they gave me reasons of not being able to afford all three children as we got bigger. I am pretty sure they chose getting rid of me because of my stoic nature. I admit, there just was not much to me. I rarely laughed or smiled. I did my schoolwork. I was kind of a picky eater so I was skinny. I did not give back anything valuable. No joy. No connection.
I apologize now for that. I learned how to fake eventually and then I learned how to actually inhabit myself with a little gusto when I got older.
I got placed a couple more times for short periods because I looked great on paper with my grades and lack of behavioral problems. But then I spent so much of my time with other rejects in the homes.
Chapter 2: Intro do SA
That is where I was first sexually abused. An older boy in his teens molested me. Perry. I wasn’t the only one. I was nine years old. He would finger me, grope me, and rub his penis on me at night. His was the first dick in my mouth. I am not sure how he got us together in a cleaning supply/storage room. It was me and a younger boy and he made it a competition to see who could hold his mouth the best for while he fucked our faces. Stretching back, the name Miles or Myron come to mind for the younger boy but I don’t know for sure. For some reason we both tried to do what the bigger guy wanted. I remember the younger boy crying because Perry was cruel when he did a bad job and I won. He said I had a better face and lips too. I remember some sense of pride. Why? Because I followed direction well enough while Perry fucked my mouth and kept it soft while keeping my teeth out of the way so this teen delinquent could masturbate himself into my mouth. This did not last long but I think I did it two more times, once at night, once during the day in the same room with storage and mops. It was my first introduction into sexuality and had massive influence on my sexual identity. I wish I could remember more from it. Yet even with therapy, just the room, the complements, the other boy crying, and the basics of what I did.
Perry was suddenly gone and the grapevine said it was because he had raped a fifteen year old girl from the girl side. I think I had heard the word “rape” before but it was at this time I asked the “house parent” what it meant. The house parent is basically the prison warden. In this case a fat black woman. Just asking the question it was like I had done something very wrong. I was told not to use that word. One of the older boys who did not molest me later told me. But I mostly remember the house parent being so uncomfortable with me that I thought I was in trouble. I was worried until I asked her and she told me I was in no trouble.
Chapter 3: Man Pleaser
I was placed once more for a short stint and sent back before I was with the Davis family. I hardly remember it. I will never forget the Davis home. I was in this house for three years from almost eleven to just over fourteen. Mr. Davis did soon admit to me that he chosen me for sexual reasons. He was an auto salesman. His wife was dimwitted but very pretty and her main interest was being Christian. They had a daughter who was three when I got there. I was discouraged from any interaction with her except at the dinner table and sometimes when we went out. I don’t think they trusted a kid from the pound. Between caring for the daughter and working for free at her evangelical church, Mrs. Davis was busy and completely subservient to Mr. Davis. That was all I was allowed to call them. I could not use their first names.
They put me in a private school.
Early on in my stay, I think the first week, Mr. Davis asked me if I had ever been sexually abused. I lied and said “no” but he pressed and I admitted what happened with Perry. He had me demonstrate on his already hard penis. He told me Perry was right. He told me I was very talented and very special and he was glad to have me in his house. I felt bad but good. We don’t get much in the way of love or appreciation as unwanted kids. They repeatedly tell us positive things in the homes but we all learn to take all that with a grain of salt. I did not really like Mr. Davis, whose full name I do know, but I will just refer to him as MD. For someone who goes through life feeling unwanted and useless, having a use that gets you out of the system and living at least part of the rich kid dream makes you want to be really good at it.
He loved teaching me to give the perfect blowjob. He told me so. He was honest about wanting a boy for sexual reasons and I think that made it less traumatic. They had a cake for my 11th birthday. A bike that I did not know how to ride was my big gift and that day I gave MD two or more blowjobs.
It must have been right after that he took me to my first “party.” I was introduced to three other guys, one of whom worked with MD and the other two were friends mostly because they liked to do gay things with boys. I was the focus of their party and drank alcohol for the first time. It was beer and I hated it. Coors light. I remember when I told them I liked swallowing cum better than beer it got a huge reaction. Anyway, we watched gay porn and I blew them each at least twice. One of them named Chase asked MD if he could fuck me and my “daddy” he said not until he had broken me in the right way. So in the hours with them I mostly just sucked on their cocks almost the whole time. Sometimes just very gently and softly while they petted me just to pass the time. That was was served for affection in my life and I liked it.
I finally received strong approval and it was so easy to program into me that this was something I was good at. I grew to like it quickly.
Aside from that, I went to a private school. It was so different from what I was used to. A dress code and teachers that were teaching while the students generally listened, instead of teachers that mostly served as constant behavioral enforcement. I had my own laptop, bedroom with desk and toys. MD did teach me to ride a bike and the basic American sports I had missed out on. His favorite was golf. So he was the closest thing to a real dad I had.
The only catch was that whenever he got the whim, his cock was going in my mouth until I gulped down his cum, obediently. See, it didn’t matter that I was socially awkward and quiet there. Or that I did not share in any big highs or lows with the Davis family. It was not important that I laughed or smiled, although I did learn to fake those things to some degree to try to fit in at school. If I kept the man of the house happy by fulfilling his sexual desires and worshipping his cock, I was wanted. And Mrs. Davis bought and cooked food specifically that I liked. Frozen pizza’s with the crust cut off, peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches on wheat bread, Honey bunches of oats, Gushers, tomato soup with grilled cheese, spaggettios with meatballs, tacos with only beef and cheese and ortega Hot Sauce. That was my favorite part.
Plus, I was getting real education in a stable environment.
Sometimes I would go golfing with MD and one or two of the same friends. When they had the opportunity because nobody had a T-time right behind us, or there was a shady, brushy spot, I would suck their cocks and hear the “hole in one” joke so many times. Gabe was the one who had originally asked about fucking me. Sometimes at our night parties, they were usually at his house because he was single and unmarried, he would lick his finger and stick in in my butt. He was the one who taught me to do the same while I gave blowjobs and that was like a whole new ball game. It made me more powerful because men who like blowjobs from prepubescent boys also like rectal stimulation. Especially when I learned to press the prostate. MD loved it too.
Chapter 4: Mr. Moore
For seventh grade I switched schools but in the same private school umbrella. I was still twelve. Average height. No puberty yet. Some of the same kids, who I had never really bonded with yet, but new kids too. Now there was a golf team and I joined that because MD said I should play a sport. I did track too and then basketball, but not yet.
Not when Mr. Moore got in on the action. The fourth writing assignment in his class, towards the end of the semester, was a Personal Essay. They were graded and expected to be good grammar, structure, and punctuation, like he had already been teaching us. But this one was only going to be seen my him, ever. Because he wanted it to be something personal that we might feel embarrassed or reluctant to share with others. He said we all have secrets and the more we shared secrets the better our grade might be. Examples were a special skill we learned that might be secret like how to sneak out of our house, how to annoy our sibling, or how to get out of being grounded. Or a list of people you hate and why, or a list of things you want to do if nobody would ever find out. Or it could just be story about something bad that happened to us that we were afraid to share or maybe even something good we feel guilty about enjoying. I saved the assignment instructions on my lap top with my composition. I kept my old Dell so I can share it here. As you can see I went for it. All in.
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Clyde XXXXXX
Mr. Moore
Period 5
Composition #4
How to Give Good Blowjobs
Introduction: I am an orphan probably and that is why my parents have a different last name than me. I am really good at giving blowjobs more than any other skill I have because an older boy who was seventeen years old first made me give him a sort of blowjob when I was nine years old, and then a foster father figure did again,. I will write this essay on how to do it so well.
Step 1: First of all, you have to think about it right. You have to have in your mind that you will be strong and keep up your energy until the job is done. Make your mouth into a soft tube with your lips being the hole and your tongue, lips and throat are the only things that can can touch the penis. You cannot be shy or wishy washy. It might take some time and you have to keep going but I can teach you some tricks to make it faster and better.
So have the right attitude going in and take it seriously. And do not eat first or have much in your stomach. An empty stomach is best.
Step 2: Get right into it. Do not wait and be nervous. Whether the man is laying down and you are crouched on or by him or you are kneeling and he is standing, just take down his pants or underwear if he has not done so and get it out. Take it right into your mouth and start moving your warm mouth on it if it is hard or even if it is soft.
*Tip – some men might want you to lick their scrotum or around it a little first or play with it but most guys want you to just get sucking right away
Step 3: Use your hands. They like your warm wet mouth the best if you do it right but unless they tell you not to you should wrap your hand around it at the base. The base is the part where it comes out of the body. The head is the part at the end that you should keep in your mouth the whole time. Move that hand up and down it with sort of tight grip. Use the other hand to grab their butt cheek or rub their thigh or if they have a very long penis you might use it on the middle of their penis just like the hand at the base.
Step 4: Try to get the penis as deep in your mouth as you can. If you practice enough you can put the head part way down your throat. This feels very good to the man. They love to see it. Be ready for them to try to force it deep as they can. They like to jam it fully in and down your throat is the only place it can go.
Step 5: Look up at them as much as you can and in their eyes. They might tell you to do it but already just be doing it.
Step 6: Try to keep going strong the whole time. You will have to get good at breathing. Breath through you nose or if you have to only take you mouth off for a second to take a deep breath. Practice holding your breath for at least one minute. I can hold mine for one minute and fifty seven seconds. Get used to your jaw and lip muscles hurting and switch to different muscles to rest the main ones. This takes practice.
Step 7: Tips for making them cum faster. First of all, give them compliments about their penis. Tell them it is big or awesome or beautiful. If it is small tell them you like how it fits in you mouth or how it is beautiful. Maybe the best thing is to use your second hand to reach between your legs and either put your thumb in the anus while you squeeze a butt cheek hard, or put you index finger up the hole. Push your finger toward yourself up a couple inches to the prostate. Make sure to lick your finger first and get it very wet.
Step 8: Finish well. Be ready for the end. You can feel them suddenly get harder, flex muscles, and see it too. This is when it is feeling the best for them and you have to do your best work. If you were already sucking hard, keep doing it even if it hurts you. Do not stop. As you start to feel the cum shoot in your mouth start swallowing fast while you keep sucking. You can slow down a little after a few seconds but only a little because they might have their best cum up to ten seconds after they start. When the man is getting softer be very gentle and take your breaths but do not just stop even here. Keep cleaning them until they stop you.
Step 9: Act like you loved it and never want to stop. They love this. The love the power of having someone they think is sexy who is desperate to make their dick feel good. Suck and lick around the penis and clean the scrotum and thighs until they stop you. Pretend you are disappointed to stop even though it might still hurt your face and throat. Tell them it tasted delicioous even it is bitter or sour.
In conclusion, if you follow my nine steps and the tip you will always give a good blow job. If you practice enough you can do it. Most of the time I just give them but I have gotten blowjobs a few times and that helped me know how it feels and understand how to do it a little better.
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And that was my real writing assignment that I printed out and handed in to Mr. Moore with cover page. It was a bit of a gamble but Mr. Moore had a definite gay vibe. His accent, the way he talked about Shakespeare plays being all male actors and some of them being homosexual playing the female roles and other cues. He was also lean and neat and thirty or so. He was the youngest of our few male teachers. I think I was attracted to him.
He asked me to come in to his extended office hours to discuss my grade. I was anxious. He beat around the bush, eventually wanting me to tell him how he could know I was not creating fiction.
“I could show you.”
The answer he was waiting for. He clarified that this was still confidential. He went and checked the hall and locked the door. I knelt in front of him as he slouched in his chair. I used all nine steps on him. He told me I got an A plus.
A week later he created a position of teaching assistant in his three classes. The reason stated was that between our reading quizzes and writing assignments he could use a talented student to help grade the tests on our reading, and we cold list it on our college applications. That semester it was some essays and the book Hatchet. I was chosen to be my class’s teaching assistant and he chose a girl and another boy for the other two. But the point was to have an excuse to be alone with me sometimes and have two other students as cover.
Chapter 5: Michael the pious and Steffany the studious
So there were five men on the list of guys I serviced. No complaints from me even if I did not like Gabe.
I went to Church on Sundays with Mrs. Davis and stayed after to help. Like I said, Mrs. Davis was beautiful but dim witted. It was obvious to me that the youth pastor, who had a unique name so I will just call him YP, had the hots for Mrs. Davis. MD did not go to Church excepting holidays. I gave them distance thinking they were maybe having some sort of an affair.
An associate Pastor named Michael took a liking to me early on when I was not sure what to do and I kind of became his assistant. I would find him if he did not find me after mass and with my new success with Mr. Moore I put out more signs to Michael. I brought up oral fixations and how I liked to have things in my mouth. It was the next week he took me into his office and wanted to continue the conversation. I was almost thirteen and had hit puberty and a growth spurt. I had to almost hold him down as he worried about others finding out. But I sucked him dry. He was Hispanic and chubby but big in height, weight and penis size.
The next time, he was not shy and tried to actually fuck me over his desk. Of course it did not fit and I did my thing with more fear and apprehension than usual because he had hurt me trying to shove it in me. He was very angry that what he had tried had failed. So blowjobs continued. He eventually confided in me that YP was having sex with my ‘foster mom’. That she was so stupid YP had convinced her that it was not adultery because God gave a special exception to pastor’s assistants. That is what he called me, also. Michael was a despicable man that I did not look forward to seeing but it was part of my life. He smelled like pipe tobacco.
During this same time I was befriended by Steffany, the female counterpart in teaching assistant for Moore. Because I was friendly and not trying to sexually advance on her, she took a liking to me and gave me my first kiss with a female. We talked about literature and school and life and I read Jane Eyre and Little Women on her recommendation. Reading these book to relate to her was similar to me learning about the Arizona Cardinals, Phoenix Suns and other NFL and NBA info for the group of boys I sometimes talked to in my home room and math class. They let me sit by them at lunch. But soon it was mostly Steffany I sat with. She became my girlfriend because I thought it would be rude to decline her offer. I nearly ended our relationship when she came over to my house for dinner and when we were making out in my room I laid her down kissing while I took down my pants and tried to put my dick in her mouth. Remember how I was sexually educated?
She got very upset. I apologized and stopped her from running out of my room and calling her mom, but she was very frazzled. We kept saying the same things back and forth while I realized I had an alien idea of how making out was supposed to go. Finally she calmed down and asked me to take my penis out. It was soft now and she said she would give it one kiss. That is what she did. No more, no less.
Things were not quite the same after that but we went to the 7th and 8th grade dance together. Both Mr. and Mrs. Davis volunteered to chaperon the dance for very different reasons, but still we snuck off to the gym where some couples were making out under the bleachers. Steffany guided me to feeling her chest and sucking on her nipples. It was supposed to be a big deal, but to me it was laughable. I pretended what I was supposed to pretend.
One more meeting at my house “to study” and she was going to let me give her “oral” which I did as weird as it was for me. I guess I was too rough and hurt her.
That was the end of my girlfriend experience. It was just supposed to be understood that it was over. She avoided me. My lack of response made her even more upset. But my popularity was up a little with the guys for having been with a girl who I freaked out sexually.
What I learned from Steffany, that was the most painful, was that I was a freak compared to everyone else. It was only in that socially acceptable boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that I was supposed to feel good wtihout hiding it and I did badly at that. The fuckboy stuff was a dark secret, but all I had left.. Sure I was gay, but not ONLY gay.
Chapter 6: TOO Much
MD decided it was time to get me ready for anal sex, spurred on by Gabe. “I want to fuck you so bad my cock can taste it.” Gave said to me once during one of our sex party nights where I sucked them all twice. I remember it because he scared me. This time Gabe put me over his lap and spanked me hard causing pain and redness and everybody else thought it was great. There was also a bet that I could drink all of Gabe’s urine while he peed in my mouth. MD lost a hundred dollar bill to his friend because I spilled a good amount toward the end. I wouldn’t all fit in my stomach. I was becoming disenchanted with the whole arrangement even before my dad got some olive oil in that same drunken chaos and started getting his pinky and then index finger up my ass.
I got to the point I spent so much time after school with Mr. Moore that MD figured it out that my teacher was fooling around with me. I admitted it to him and he liked the idea in a perverse way. So I told Moore it was okay to go out to the drive-in movies with him like he had wanted. There, I sucked his cock twice per movie. Once at the beginning and then later when he recovered. He sucked me to help him get ready again. I liked that. For MD’s crew it was more about using me like a boytoy as a power thing. Not about my pleasure. Of all the men, Moore was the most attractive and actually good at blowjobs. We had Thursday nights regularly scheduled but he did not know thatmy dad knew, only that it was okay to go to the movies with him. He was the fist man I had sex with and came in his rectum. In his blue VW Golf wagon during a Harry Potter movie. It was fun. He would spend time sweet talking me. He told me how my schoolboy bubble butt was so perfect and sexy as he caressed it, even licked it. He said I could have any many who saw it. He also complemented my lips like other men had. I have big lips. He said the thick soft padding of my lips probably made straight men want to kiss me or fantasize about my lips around their dicks. He would kiss me. He would put his penis in my mouth lovingly and I would so gently caress it with my puffy boy lips, making him moan. I knew the contours of his anus with my tongue. Moore was the only one who was so gentle and did not just want to use me like boy whore. It was bliss while it lasted. I loved being the young boy fantasy for him. He was honest and kind. I loved fantasizing about him in class.
Such a contrast to everyone else, where I was just a submissive fuckboy to use and mistreat.
Another thing I didn’t like, but never complained about. was that MD would sometime have sex with his wife in their room, which I could hear, then a little while later come into my room or take me out to the porch and make me clean her pussy juice off him and suck him. It became a real fetish with him. Oh yeah, he started fucking me in the ass after the finger thing. So did Gabe, who was bigger and rough. I did not like this. They did.
So here I was living in a stable foster family going on three years with a good school with a semblance of acceptance, superficial friends, plus and a sexual relationship with one of my teachers. My favorite part was the weekly hook up for fucking and sucking in his car at movies that I only partially watched. Also weekly, I was the fucktoy of four middle aged men who had gotten board with me now that I was almost a foot taller and did not look like a little boy anymore so they got into hurting and humiliating me sexually. They had this one game where I was on all fours on the floor over a putter ball game and the had to make the put through and under me before they would fuck me. They also got into what they called a train where I would fuck one of them in the ass and reach around while another one fucked me in my ass. That quickly gave them the idea to add one more cock fucking my mouth at the same time. I admit I sometimes liked that ensemble when Chase was either not involved or was the one with my dick in his ass. But if he was fucking either my mouth or my ass he liked to hurt me. They kept it between the four of them because they did not know any other men with the same perversions.
But when I mentioned that foursome to Moore, he stopped taking me to the movies. At first he introduced me to two of his friends and we reenacted the foursome. I would say they made it perfect. But then two weeks later he snuck me into a sex club where you were supposed to be eighteen. I learned what a glory hole was by my mouth being a glory hole. Then my ass. I sucked for or five mystery cocks and it was very strange not being able to use my hands or look the man in the eye. One man commented that my ass was as tight as a school boy. I remember sharing a look with Moore after the man said that and laughing quietly. One of the cocks was huge and black. I liked trying to suck it but when it tried to push it in my ass later I screamed, causing Moore and his friends to move me quickly out. I knew for sure then that I was not supposed to be there.
We went back to the sex club again and a few men fucked me on the bed in one of the black walled, black sheeted beds. I was discovered this time by the powers that be. A buff, bald staff guy could see I obviously was not eighteen when I lied to him as instructed. I was smaller than average back then and skinny. A late bloomer. There was a tense discussion with Moore and his friends about going to jail and I was taken outside to a van where the angry muscular guy who worked there let me suck his cock, then he came in my ass. We went back to the house and a few people were there including and older woman. I sucked some more penises I think.
The next week on a Wednesday, Martin, Moore’s friend texted me to call him when I was alone. I did. Martin told me to meet him in front of my house at ten that night and he would give me hundred bucks. My weekly allowance was fifty. I was not sure I could make it out but MD used me early that night to suck him in the shower before he went to sleep.
There are not many basements in the Southwest but Martin took me to house with one. Moore was not there. Just Martin and seven men I had never seen, ranging from about twenty-five to maybe sixty. They were waiting for me. Martin bragged about me and said the only thing thirstier than my ass was my throat. They complemented me like I was a prize pig at the state fair.
Then they stood in circle with me in the middle and they got naked. Eight men I remember because they called themselves “the eight horsemen” during it. I was sitting looking around at them feeling suffocated, like there was no way out. I looked at Martin who gestured to his cock and looked around the room and I went right up to to him and stuffed his half erect cock in my mouth and went wild on it. He stopped me before he was finished and pushed me to the side where the next man dangled his in my face. I continued sucking cock around like that to all of them. Two of them let me finish them and suck them dry, but apologized to the group that they couldn’t help it. I had no idea what was going on until I was on the last one and they all squeezed in and started jerking off onto me. So much warm cum was covering me by the time the man I was working on pushed me off and did the same in my face. It was not until years later I learned it was called bukkake. A couple of them put me on the floor and rubbed it all over me concentrating on my ass and genitals, then one of them, a red bearded balding man with big muscles used the group semen as lube to fuck missionary while he kissed me with the semen all over and licked it off my face. He had two pistols tattooed on his chest. Everyone watched. I acted like I liked it. In some ways I did but I was not the type to express it with excitement.
Had that been all, it probably would have been fine. A weird adventure. But they kept me there all night as the center of attention. Playing with me, fucking me with their dicks and with other objects, having me blow them. I was treated like a thing even more abusively than I was used to. Another group who got off on sexually dominating me to extremes. When I went to the bathroom and walked the other way in the basement I saw two police uniforms hanging in the corner with the belts on the floor with guns in them. The guns looked huge and scary. That freaked me out more than anything. I spent the last few hours wondering which ones were the cops that liked sexually torturing a thirteen year old boy.
I was limp and sickly by the time Martin took me to the shower and told me to get dressed to go home. It was dawn. I got dropped off a few houses down at 5:30 in the morning. Nobody woke up when I went in the back door and to my bed. I barely remember but Mrs. Davis was worried. After I slept until well past school she took me to the doctor. I told the doctor I was up late with a stomach ache but felt better now except for being just tired. She said I was dehydrated also. Mrs Davis got me three flavors of Gatorade at a gas station. I missed my first day of school since I had started. As a normal unwanted kid, I had gone through so much that regular illness and injury never stopped me from school.
I still went with Mr. Moore when he showed up that night and came inside and talked with the Davis parents to get me. I did not tell him about the previous night. I asked if we could just go to a movie like we used to. He looked suspicious, but agreed. I sucked his penis that I kind of adored and made anal love to him, cumming inside his manly ass while while kissing him on the lips, as usual. And that was it. I was frazzled.
That Sunday I was in no mood for Michael’s abuse. He had started fucking my butt too, rougher than anyone. Still a jerk about it. I did not think I could stand him that day. During breakfast I did something I never do and broke up the harmony by saying something rude. I told MD that YP was having sex with Mrs. Davis but it was okay because she was the pastor’s assistant and it does not even count as intercourse. She went pale like a ghost, showing she was not completely stupid, but reiterated my assertion that it was not adultery or anything bad, but something very good and holy. This was all in front of their seven year old daughter.
MD did not see it the same way. He left the house slamming doors and drove off. Mrs. Davis asked me how I knew and why I told him. I said that Michael told me and that I thought MD would be proud of her. She believed me, but was still crying. So was the daughter. The foster sister that they never wanted me to get near or have a role in her life. Must have been weird for her.
Chapter 7: California Dreamin
MD never touched me again but when he got back told me to pack up my things and took me to back to the home I had been in. It was full at the time, but he refused to take me back and I ended up staying with a social worker to finish the last two weeks of my school year and take my finals. I did well but after my final final exam I was bussed to San Bernadino where I spent a couple weeks in the summer heat before being sent on to Los Angeles.
Adios Davis family. Adios best stable school life I had ever known. Adios so many men who used me and/or depended on me to clean their pipes for sexual release. Adios Arizona.
I was fourteen and back with the riff raff. My almost four point junior high GPA and honors and activities got me placed before the next school year with a career foster family. That means all their income came from having a half dozen kids. They were a fat couple who talked the talk and provided homes but treated it like a business. Cheap food bought in bulk, powdered milk, cheap hygiene products bought in bulk. Cheap second hand clothes that we all shared. Bunk beds with four in one room and two in another. They had strict rules and if you did not follow them it was back to the system. Of course, I was a rule follower, even though I was becoming a little more of a rebel. But it was back to public school where I was a white minority. I fell in with a group of Mexicans who had a couple other white people. I started smoking both cigarettes and weed, got much better at Spanish, and pretended to be straight for a while.
Eventually, I confided in the white girl who was two years older than me. We talked blowjob tips and stories. I found out it was basically okay. Some of my new friends had been to juvie and had homosexuality imposed on them even if they denied it. I tried less in school, to fit in, and had a B average with occasional A’s.
As for sexuality, I messed around with the white girl who I won’t name out of respect for her. She was my fist hetero sex. I liked it and she taught me how to give oral to a girl. I was good at at that too.
While I was still fourteen I went to a barbecue with one of my friend’s friend’s to his ghetto neighborhood house. A lot of guys in a Latino gang and ex-cons were there. The girl was not there. I got taken for a walk by some of the harder guys who I guess had heard about me and wanted to fuck a boy. They all dressed the same with white T-shirts, dark blue knee-length jean shorts, white socks pulled up, hair slicked back. Lots of tattoos. They walked into the alley between rows of houses that the city picks up trash from and they gang banged me under a shade tree. It was not rape because I went full manpleaser mode trying to suck their dicks but I think they tried to make it rape. They were very rough and did not care about lube. They called me fag and whitey when they left me there with my pants off and underwear torn in two pieces on the dirty ground.
I had no choice but to follow them back to the back yard. I had no ride and was in the hood. I grabbed a beer and just waited like a frightened rabbit for my friend to decide to leave and take me home. But he didn’t take me home. He took me to some nearby small house where of the same guys who were and I was stripped naked. More former convicts showed up to use me. They fucked me and hurt me and made me beg them to stop. They pissed on me when they were done and poured their 40’s on me. For survival and mental health, I just went with it full prison bitch mode and told them I would party with them anytime. But I was scared and bleeding for two days. I intentionally broke several of the house rules of my foster parents to get sent back.
Reset.
I was finally becoming emotional now. I had laughed and become more of a real person with my new friends, and honestly the drugs, drink and partying kind of unlocked me. I hated leaving it all behind but I had to. I was afraid for my mortal survival.
Chapter 8: Getting out and Growing Up
I was at a different public school, I declined placement and aged out. That means I turned 18 in the system. There were some more difficulties. Some altercations. But I stood up for myself without getting a criminal record, juvenile or otherwise. Unlike most teens who age out, I did not end up homeless, in jail, or dead. I already had a job at a national chain and transferred to a branch in Illinois for a fresh start. I took out loans and went to college.
I found my people! Sexually ambiguous horny misfits who like to party but can hold down a life too. We exist in all the big cities if you know where to look. Some of us are rich, but I’m not one of those. I struggle and am still working at sorting out my shit. Most of my relationships beyond one night stands are with younger bisexual women or older men. I still love to give blowjobs but on my own terms. I still can be found in sex clubs but on my own terms. Glory holes, my own terms. I am very careful about STD’s as are the people that I let in to my mouth or ass.
Between you and me, men are the easiest. The world is a candy store if you are good at what I am good at. Some men are off limits, but most are not. Just ask them if they want “the best blowjob of their life no strings attached” and most of them cave. I love showing attractive macho men how to walk on the wild side, the more homophobic they were the better.
One of my favorites was an urban cowboy. His pick-up truck used only for image and moving furniture, Bush/Cheney bumper sticker, blue collar man. I met his dissatisfied wife through my work. She was so sick of him she was ready to divorce him. He treated her like second-hand dung.
This is priceless! They went out and had drinks. For a special treat she blindfolded him and tied him to the bed. I put on her perfume and body butter and sucked on his dick from the side as she watched, recording it. Then she said she was going to squat over him and let him fuck her in the ass for the first time since he had forced it on her two months ago, (he had done it before, the rapist.) It was me holding my cock and balls up! After he finished in my (clean) ass I cleaned him up with my fresh shaved mouth and played around until he was up again and I sucked him like a pro and he came again. I kept my mouth on him while she took off the blindfold.
“What’s up bro?”
“It was my ass you were singing praises. She never even touched you after the blindfold.” I showed him his semen coming out of my butt. He was speechless trying to process it all. Then he dry-heaved a couple times. Then he tried to kick at me while I told him to relax. I carefully started sucking on him again while he bucked like bronco. It took some time but eventually he stopped and let me do my thing. He came a third time! This time with no protest. He just begged us to please let him go. It was three hours by then. We fed him more of his favorite whiskey!
She had the idea to only set him free if he sucked my dick for two seconds. I was nervous as hell but he just did it without biting. Romeo got hard again! I am sure he took viagra or something but he denied it. He begged us to let him go so he could pee. I put my mouth on him and told him to go ahead. I drank it like a nasty boy that I had been trained to be long ago. Then I straddled him and worked him inside me again. We were so bad! She was secretly video taping the whole thing, by the way, for blackmail for her own safety. I milked him a little with my butt but then told him to fuck me back. He did, big time. She undid one of his restraints but he kept going until he came. Then he said the strangest thing to his wife who told him about having video and who she would make sure sees it if he hurt her.
“I hope you know this makes you obsolete, bitch!”
She got closure from him. I had a marvelous time.
But usually I don’t do anything like that. I just like to tempt straight men and turn them. The younger the better. I am bisexual myself, as if you had to ask.
Advice for Taking Back Your Life
Go to therapy! At first I went to a free therapy session on recommendation of a friend. It was a female therapist and it was awkward but I did pay to go back one time. I informed her that I did not think a female therapist was right for me and she referred me to the therapist I used for two years. I changed when I moved and have been with the same therapist since. I have spent thousands over the years and most of it is worth every penny.
Get out of bad situations!
Just up and leave or burn the bridge so you have to move on.
See someone who had experience helping you to process your abuse and it becomes less dark and unpredictable. Like dark water that may or may not have sharks and crocodiles that will freak you out without notice.
There was never any incest in my life because I never met anyone related to me. I will discuss a bit about the system for unwanted kids in the United States and go through and how my abuse was all from men and I am mostly gay because of it, and mostly a pleaser. I have an oral fixation because of my initial abuse and I think about sucking frequently. If semi-detailed accounts of abuse trigger you, I warn you that I did not get detailed like a book writer or anything but I did describe some of the things that happened to me.
Chapter 1: Background
All that I got from my family is my Polish last name. No memories of even abuse, no college fund. I was eventually told that I got into the system when my single parent father was arrested for grand larceny. I was three. He served 26 months and got out and never came for me. I don’t know if he died but I assumed so because he dropped off the grid and never showed up for his assigned job or parole officer. This was in Arizona, so there is always the possibility he crossed into Mexico. I don’t know.
If you look it up, America does not have orphanages. Semantics. They decided not to use the word after world war 2.
I know that the people involved in the system mean well, but from the inside the system sucks. Like any large government system dealing with rejects. Not all kids are always in foster care. Usually half us us are in orphanages that they call group homes or some other name before the word home. Orphan home would be half honest because a lot of us (not me) had family on the radar but shitty family who either could not take care of their kids or didn’t want to. Some were rejected for deserving reasons like patterns of violence or other sociopathic behaviors. Some for reasons that aren’t their fault like mental retardation(we could say that back then) including autism but also including just being really stupid, or crazy, or going schizo, or physically handicapped or deformed. I was in the top tear because I was white and relatively intelligent and well behaved.
But the golden years for adoption to a real family are 0 to 3. Then the prospective parents assume you are scarred for life and they are usually right.
I was with the same family until I was seven. That is a long time! The family had two other foster kids but I was put back in the group home. I think they gave me reasons of not being able to afford all three children as we got bigger. I am pretty sure they chose getting rid of me because of my stoic nature. I admit, there just was not much to me. I rarely laughed or smiled. I did my schoolwork. I was kind of a picky eater so I was skinny. I did not give back anything valuable. No joy. No connection.
I apologize now for that. I learned how to fake eventually and then I learned how to actually inhabit myself with a little gusto when I got older.
I got placed a couple more times for short periods because I looked great on paper with my grades and lack of behavioral problems. But then I spent so much of my time with other rejects in the homes.
Chapter 2: Intro do SA
That is where I was first sexually abused. An older boy in his teens molested me. Perry. I wasn’t the only one. I was nine years old. He would finger me, grope me, and rub his penis on me at night. His was the first dick in my mouth. I am not sure how he got us together in a cleaning supply/storage room. It was me and a younger boy and he made it a competition to see who could hold his mouth the best for while he fucked our faces. Stretching back, the name Miles or Myron come to mind for the younger boy but I don’t know for sure. For some reason we both tried to do what the bigger guy wanted. I remember the younger boy crying because Perry was cruel when he did a bad job and I won. He said I had a better face and lips too. I remember some sense of pride. Why? Because I followed direction well enough while Perry fucked my mouth and kept it soft while keeping my teeth out of the way so this teen delinquent could masturbate himself into my mouth. This did not last long but I think I did it two more times, once at night, once during the day in the same room with storage and mops. It was my first introduction into sexuality and had massive influence on my sexual identity. I wish I could remember more from it. Yet even with therapy, just the room, the complements, the other boy crying, and the basics of what I did.
Perry was suddenly gone and the grapevine said it was because he had raped a fifteen year old girl from the girl side. I think I had heard the word “rape” before but it was at this time I asked the “house parent” what it meant. The house parent is basically the prison warden. In this case a fat black woman. Just asking the question it was like I had done something very wrong. I was told not to use that word. One of the older boys who did not molest me later told me. But I mostly remember the house parent being so uncomfortable with me that I thought I was in trouble. I was worried until I asked her and she told me I was in no trouble.
Chapter 3: Man Pleaser
I was placed once more for a short stint and sent back before I was with the Davis family. I hardly remember it. I will never forget the Davis home. I was in this house for three years from almost eleven to just over fourteen. Mr. Davis did soon admit to me that he chosen me for sexual reasons. He was an auto salesman. His wife was dimwitted but very pretty and her main interest was being Christian. They had a daughter who was three when I got there. I was discouraged from any interaction with her except at the dinner table and sometimes when we went out. I don’t think they trusted a kid from the pound. Between caring for the daughter and working for free at her evangelical church, Mrs. Davis was busy and completely subservient to Mr. Davis. That was all I was allowed to call them. I could not use their first names.
They put me in a private school.
Early on in my stay, I think the first week, Mr. Davis asked me if I had ever been sexually abused. I lied and said “no” but he pressed and I admitted what happened with Perry. He had me demonstrate on his already hard penis. He told me Perry was right. He told me I was very talented and very special and he was glad to have me in his house. I felt bad but good. We don’t get much in the way of love or appreciation as unwanted kids. They repeatedly tell us positive things in the homes but we all learn to take all that with a grain of salt. I did not really like Mr. Davis, whose full name I do know, but I will just refer to him as MD. For someone who goes through life feeling unwanted and useless, having a use that gets you out of the system and living at least part of the rich kid dream makes you want to be really good at it.
He loved teaching me to give the perfect blowjob. He told me so. He was honest about wanting a boy for sexual reasons and I think that made it less traumatic. They had a cake for my 11th birthday. A bike that I did not know how to ride was my big gift and that day I gave MD two or more blowjobs.
It must have been right after that he took me to my first “party.” I was introduced to three other guys, one of whom worked with MD and the other two were friends mostly because they liked to do gay things with boys. I was the focus of their party and drank alcohol for the first time. It was beer and I hated it. Coors light. I remember when I told them I liked swallowing cum better than beer it got a huge reaction. Anyway, we watched gay porn and I blew them each at least twice. One of them named Chase asked MD if he could fuck me and my “daddy” he said not until he had broken me in the right way. So in the hours with them I mostly just sucked on their cocks almost the whole time. Sometimes just very gently and softly while they petted me just to pass the time. That was was served for affection in my life and I liked it.
I finally received strong approval and it was so easy to program into me that this was something I was good at. I grew to like it quickly.
Aside from that, I went to a private school. It was so different from what I was used to. A dress code and teachers that were teaching while the students generally listened, instead of teachers that mostly served as constant behavioral enforcement. I had my own laptop, bedroom with desk and toys. MD did teach me to ride a bike and the basic American sports I had missed out on. His favorite was golf. So he was the closest thing to a real dad I had.
The only catch was that whenever he got the whim, his cock was going in my mouth until I gulped down his cum, obediently. See, it didn’t matter that I was socially awkward and quiet there. Or that I did not share in any big highs or lows with the Davis family. It was not important that I laughed or smiled, although I did learn to fake those things to some degree to try to fit in at school. If I kept the man of the house happy by fulfilling his sexual desires and worshipping his cock, I was wanted. And Mrs. Davis bought and cooked food specifically that I liked. Frozen pizza’s with the crust cut off, peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches on wheat bread, Honey bunches of oats, Gushers, tomato soup with grilled cheese, spaggettios with meatballs, tacos with only beef and cheese and ortega Hot Sauce. That was my favorite part.
Plus, I was getting real education in a stable environment.
Sometimes I would go golfing with MD and one or two of the same friends. When they had the opportunity because nobody had a T-time right behind us, or there was a shady, brushy spot, I would suck their cocks and hear the “hole in one” joke so many times. Gabe was the one who had originally asked about fucking me. Sometimes at our night parties, they were usually at his house because he was single and unmarried, he would lick his finger and stick in in my butt. He was the one who taught me to do the same while I gave blowjobs and that was like a whole new ball game. It made me more powerful because men who like blowjobs from prepubescent boys also like rectal stimulation. Especially when I learned to press the prostate. MD loved it too.
Chapter 4: Mr. Moore
For seventh grade I switched schools but in the same private school umbrella. I was still twelve. Average height. No puberty yet. Some of the same kids, who I had never really bonded with yet, but new kids too. Now there was a golf team and I joined that because MD said I should play a sport. I did track too and then basketball, but not yet.
Not when Mr. Moore got in on the action. The fourth writing assignment in his class, towards the end of the semester, was a Personal Essay. They were graded and expected to be good grammar, structure, and punctuation, like he had already been teaching us. But this one was only going to be seen my him, ever. Because he wanted it to be something personal that we might feel embarrassed or reluctant to share with others. He said we all have secrets and the more we shared secrets the better our grade might be. Examples were a special skill we learned that might be secret like how to sneak out of our house, how to annoy our sibling, or how to get out of being grounded. Or a list of people you hate and why, or a list of things you want to do if nobody would ever find out. Or it could just be story about something bad that happened to us that we were afraid to share or maybe even something good we feel guilty about enjoying. I saved the assignment instructions on my lap top with my composition. I kept my old Dell so I can share it here. As you can see I went for it. All in.
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Clyde XXXXXX
Mr. Moore
Period 5
Composition #4
How to Give Good Blowjobs
Introduction: I am an orphan probably and that is why my parents have a different last name than me. I am really good at giving blowjobs more than any other skill I have because an older boy who was seventeen years old first made me give him a sort of blowjob when I was nine years old, and then a foster father figure did again,. I will write this essay on how to do it so well.
Step 1: First of all, you have to think about it right. You have to have in your mind that you will be strong and keep up your energy until the job is done. Make your mouth into a soft tube with your lips being the hole and your tongue, lips and throat are the only things that can can touch the penis. You cannot be shy or wishy washy. It might take some time and you have to keep going but I can teach you some tricks to make it faster and better.
So have the right attitude going in and take it seriously. And do not eat first or have much in your stomach. An empty stomach is best.
Step 2: Get right into it. Do not wait and be nervous. Whether the man is laying down and you are crouched on or by him or you are kneeling and he is standing, just take down his pants or underwear if he has not done so and get it out. Take it right into your mouth and start moving your warm mouth on it if it is hard or even if it is soft.
*Tip – some men might want you to lick their scrotum or around it a little first or play with it but most guys want you to just get sucking right away
Step 3: Use your hands. They like your warm wet mouth the best if you do it right but unless they tell you not to you should wrap your hand around it at the base. The base is the part where it comes out of the body. The head is the part at the end that you should keep in your mouth the whole time. Move that hand up and down it with sort of tight grip. Use the other hand to grab their butt cheek or rub their thigh or if they have a very long penis you might use it on the middle of their penis just like the hand at the base.
Step 4: Try to get the penis as deep in your mouth as you can. If you practice enough you can put the head part way down your throat. This feels very good to the man. They love to see it. Be ready for them to try to force it deep as they can. They like to jam it fully in and down your throat is the only place it can go.
Step 5: Look up at them as much as you can and in their eyes. They might tell you to do it but already just be doing it.
Step 6: Try to keep going strong the whole time. You will have to get good at breathing. Breath through you nose or if you have to only take you mouth off for a second to take a deep breath. Practice holding your breath for at least one minute. I can hold mine for one minute and fifty seven seconds. Get used to your jaw and lip muscles hurting and switch to different muscles to rest the main ones. This takes practice.
Step 7: Tips for making them cum faster. First of all, give them compliments about their penis. Tell them it is big or awesome or beautiful. If it is small tell them you like how it fits in you mouth or how it is beautiful. Maybe the best thing is to use your second hand to reach between your legs and either put your thumb in the anus while you squeeze a butt cheek hard, or put you index finger up the hole. Push your finger toward yourself up a couple inches to the prostate. Make sure to lick your finger first and get it very wet.
Step 8: Finish well. Be ready for the end. You can feel them suddenly get harder, flex muscles, and see it too. This is when it is feeling the best for them and you have to do your best work. If you were already sucking hard, keep doing it even if it hurts you. Do not stop. As you start to feel the cum shoot in your mouth start swallowing fast while you keep sucking. You can slow down a little after a few seconds but only a little because they might have their best cum up to ten seconds after they start. When the man is getting softer be very gentle and take your breaths but do not just stop even here. Keep cleaning them until they stop you.
Step 9: Act like you loved it and never want to stop. They love this. The love the power of having someone they think is sexy who is desperate to make their dick feel good. Suck and lick around the penis and clean the scrotum and thighs until they stop you. Pretend you are disappointed to stop even though it might still hurt your face and throat. Tell them it tasted delicioous even it is bitter or sour.
In conclusion, if you follow my nine steps and the tip you will always give a good blow job. If you practice enough you can do it. Most of the time I just give them but I have gotten blowjobs a few times and that helped me know how it feels and understand how to do it a little better.
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And that was my real writing assignment that I printed out and handed in to Mr. Moore with cover page. It was a bit of a gamble but Mr. Moore had a definite gay vibe. His accent, the way he talked about Shakespeare plays being all male actors and some of them being homosexual playing the female roles and other cues. He was also lean and neat and thirty or so. He was the youngest of our few male teachers. I think I was attracted to him.
He asked me to come in to his extended office hours to discuss my grade. I was anxious. He beat around the bush, eventually wanting me to tell him how he could know I was not creating fiction.
“I could show you.”
The answer he was waiting for. He clarified that this was still confidential. He went and checked the hall and locked the door. I knelt in front of him as he slouched in his chair. I used all nine steps on him. He told me I got an A plus.
A week later he created a position of teaching assistant in his three classes. The reason stated was that between our reading quizzes and writing assignments he could use a talented student to help grade the tests on our reading, and we cold list it on our college applications. That semester it was some essays and the book Hatchet. I was chosen to be my class’s teaching assistant and he chose a girl and another boy for the other two. But the point was to have an excuse to be alone with me sometimes and have two other students as cover.
Chapter 5: Michael the pious and Steffany the studious
So there were five men on the list of guys I serviced. No complaints from me even if I did not like Gabe.
I went to Church on Sundays with Mrs. Davis and stayed after to help. Like I said, Mrs. Davis was beautiful but dim witted. It was obvious to me that the youth pastor, who had a unique name so I will just call him YP, had the hots for Mrs. Davis. MD did not go to Church excepting holidays. I gave them distance thinking they were maybe having some sort of an affair.
An associate Pastor named Michael took a liking to me early on when I was not sure what to do and I kind of became his assistant. I would find him if he did not find me after mass and with my new success with Mr. Moore I put out more signs to Michael. I brought up oral fixations and how I liked to have things in my mouth. It was the next week he took me into his office and wanted to continue the conversation. I was almost thirteen and had hit puberty and a growth spurt. I had to almost hold him down as he worried about others finding out. But I sucked him dry. He was Hispanic and chubby but big in height, weight and penis size.
The next time, he was not shy and tried to actually fuck me over his desk. Of course it did not fit and I did my thing with more fear and apprehension than usual because he had hurt me trying to shove it in me. He was very angry that what he had tried had failed. So blowjobs continued. He eventually confided in me that YP was having sex with my ‘foster mom’. That she was so stupid YP had convinced her that it was not adultery because God gave a special exception to pastor’s assistants. That is what he called me, also. Michael was a despicable man that I did not look forward to seeing but it was part of my life. He smelled like pipe tobacco.
During this same time I was befriended by Steffany, the female counterpart in teaching assistant for Moore. Because I was friendly and not trying to sexually advance on her, she took a liking to me and gave me my first kiss with a female. We talked about literature and school and life and I read Jane Eyre and Little Women on her recommendation. Reading these book to relate to her was similar to me learning about the Arizona Cardinals, Phoenix Suns and other NFL and NBA info for the group of boys I sometimes talked to in my home room and math class. They let me sit by them at lunch. But soon it was mostly Steffany I sat with. She became my girlfriend because I thought it would be rude to decline her offer. I nearly ended our relationship when she came over to my house for dinner and when we were making out in my room I laid her down kissing while I took down my pants and tried to put my dick in her mouth. Remember how I was sexually educated?
She got very upset. I apologized and stopped her from running out of my room and calling her mom, but she was very frazzled. We kept saying the same things back and forth while I realized I had an alien idea of how making out was supposed to go. Finally she calmed down and asked me to take my penis out. It was soft now and she said she would give it one kiss. That is what she did. No more, no less.
Things were not quite the same after that but we went to the 7th and 8th grade dance together. Both Mr. and Mrs. Davis volunteered to chaperon the dance for very different reasons, but still we snuck off to the gym where some couples were making out under the bleachers. Steffany guided me to feeling her chest and sucking on her nipples. It was supposed to be a big deal, but to me it was laughable. I pretended what I was supposed to pretend.
One more meeting at my house “to study” and she was going to let me give her “oral” which I did as weird as it was for me. I guess I was too rough and hurt her.
That was the end of my girlfriend experience. It was just supposed to be understood that it was over. She avoided me. My lack of response made her even more upset. But my popularity was up a little with the guys for having been with a girl who I freaked out sexually.
What I learned from Steffany, that was the most painful, was that I was a freak compared to everyone else. It was only in that socially acceptable boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that I was supposed to feel good wtihout hiding it and I did badly at that. The fuckboy stuff was a dark secret, but all I had left.. Sure I was gay, but not ONLY gay.
Chapter 6: TOO Much
MD decided it was time to get me ready for anal sex, spurred on by Gabe. “I want to fuck you so bad my cock can taste it.” Gave said to me once during one of our sex party nights where I sucked them all twice. I remember it because he scared me. This time Gabe put me over his lap and spanked me hard causing pain and redness and everybody else thought it was great. There was also a bet that I could drink all of Gabe’s urine while he peed in my mouth. MD lost a hundred dollar bill to his friend because I spilled a good amount toward the end. I wouldn’t all fit in my stomach. I was becoming disenchanted with the whole arrangement even before my dad got some olive oil in that same drunken chaos and started getting his pinky and then index finger up my ass.
I got to the point I spent so much time after school with Mr. Moore that MD figured it out that my teacher was fooling around with me. I admitted it to him and he liked the idea in a perverse way. So I told Moore it was okay to go out to the drive-in movies with him like he had wanted. There, I sucked his cock twice per movie. Once at the beginning and then later when he recovered. He sucked me to help him get ready again. I liked that. For MD’s crew it was more about using me like a boytoy as a power thing. Not about my pleasure. Of all the men, Moore was the most attractive and actually good at blowjobs. We had Thursday nights regularly scheduled but he did not know thatmy dad knew, only that it was okay to go to the movies with him. He was the fist man I had sex with and came in his rectum. In his blue VW Golf wagon during a Harry Potter movie. It was fun. He would spend time sweet talking me. He told me how my schoolboy bubble butt was so perfect and sexy as he caressed it, even licked it. He said I could have any many who saw it. He also complemented my lips like other men had. I have big lips. He said the thick soft padding of my lips probably made straight men want to kiss me or fantasize about my lips around their dicks. He would kiss me. He would put his penis in my mouth lovingly and I would so gently caress it with my puffy boy lips, making him moan. I knew the contours of his anus with my tongue. Moore was the only one who was so gentle and did not just want to use me like boy whore. It was bliss while it lasted. I loved being the young boy fantasy for him. He was honest and kind. I loved fantasizing about him in class.
Such a contrast to everyone else, where I was just a submissive fuckboy to use and mistreat.
Another thing I didn’t like, but never complained about. was that MD would sometime have sex with his wife in their room, which I could hear, then a little while later come into my room or take me out to the porch and make me clean her pussy juice off him and suck him. It became a real fetish with him. Oh yeah, he started fucking me in the ass after the finger thing. So did Gabe, who was bigger and rough. I did not like this. They did.
So here I was living in a stable foster family going on three years with a good school with a semblance of acceptance, superficial friends, plus and a sexual relationship with one of my teachers. My favorite part was the weekly hook up for fucking and sucking in his car at movies that I only partially watched. Also weekly, I was the fucktoy of four middle aged men who had gotten board with me now that I was almost a foot taller and did not look like a little boy anymore so they got into hurting and humiliating me sexually. They had this one game where I was on all fours on the floor over a putter ball game and the had to make the put through and under me before they would fuck me. They also got into what they called a train where I would fuck one of them in the ass and reach around while another one fucked me in my ass. That quickly gave them the idea to add one more cock fucking my mouth at the same time. I admit I sometimes liked that ensemble when Chase was either not involved or was the one with my dick in his ass. But if he was fucking either my mouth or my ass he liked to hurt me. They kept it between the four of them because they did not know any other men with the same perversions.
But when I mentioned that foursome to Moore, he stopped taking me to the movies. At first he introduced me to two of his friends and we reenacted the foursome. I would say they made it perfect. But then two weeks later he snuck me into a sex club where you were supposed to be eighteen. I learned what a glory hole was by my mouth being a glory hole. Then my ass. I sucked for or five mystery cocks and it was very strange not being able to use my hands or look the man in the eye. One man commented that my ass was as tight as a school boy. I remember sharing a look with Moore after the man said that and laughing quietly. One of the cocks was huge and black. I liked trying to suck it but when it tried to push it in my ass later I screamed, causing Moore and his friends to move me quickly out. I knew for sure then that I was not supposed to be there.
We went back to the sex club again and a few men fucked me on the bed in one of the black walled, black sheeted beds. I was discovered this time by the powers that be. A buff, bald staff guy could see I obviously was not eighteen when I lied to him as instructed. I was smaller than average back then and skinny. A late bloomer. There was a tense discussion with Moore and his friends about going to jail and I was taken outside to a van where the angry muscular guy who worked there let me suck his cock, then he came in my ass. We went back to the house and a few people were there including and older woman. I sucked some more penises I think.
The next week on a Wednesday, Martin, Moore’s friend texted me to call him when I was alone. I did. Martin told me to meet him in front of my house at ten that night and he would give me hundred bucks. My weekly allowance was fifty. I was not sure I could make it out but MD used me early that night to suck him in the shower before he went to sleep.
There are not many basements in the Southwest but Martin took me to house with one. Moore was not there. Just Martin and seven men I had never seen, ranging from about twenty-five to maybe sixty. They were waiting for me. Martin bragged about me and said the only thing thirstier than my ass was my throat. They complemented me like I was a prize pig at the state fair.
Then they stood in circle with me in the middle and they got naked. Eight men I remember because they called themselves “the eight horsemen” during it. I was sitting looking around at them feeling suffocated, like there was no way out. I looked at Martin who gestured to his cock and looked around the room and I went right up to to him and stuffed his half erect cock in my mouth and went wild on it. He stopped me before he was finished and pushed me to the side where the next man dangled his in my face. I continued sucking cock around like that to all of them. Two of them let me finish them and suck them dry, but apologized to the group that they couldn’t help it. I had no idea what was going on until I was on the last one and they all squeezed in and started jerking off onto me. So much warm cum was covering me by the time the man I was working on pushed me off and did the same in my face. It was not until years later I learned it was called bukkake. A couple of them put me on the floor and rubbed it all over me concentrating on my ass and genitals, then one of them, a red bearded balding man with big muscles used the group semen as lube to fuck missionary while he kissed me with the semen all over and licked it off my face. He had two pistols tattooed on his chest. Everyone watched. I acted like I liked it. In some ways I did but I was not the type to express it with excitement.
Had that been all, it probably would have been fine. A weird adventure. But they kept me there all night as the center of attention. Playing with me, fucking me with their dicks and with other objects, having me blow them. I was treated like a thing even more abusively than I was used to. Another group who got off on sexually dominating me to extremes. When I went to the bathroom and walked the other way in the basement I saw two police uniforms hanging in the corner with the belts on the floor with guns in them. The guns looked huge and scary. That freaked me out more than anything. I spent the last few hours wondering which ones were the cops that liked sexually torturing a thirteen year old boy.
I was limp and sickly by the time Martin took me to the shower and told me to get dressed to go home. It was dawn. I got dropped off a few houses down at 5:30 in the morning. Nobody woke up when I went in the back door and to my bed. I barely remember but Mrs. Davis was worried. After I slept until well past school she took me to the doctor. I told the doctor I was up late with a stomach ache but felt better now except for being just tired. She said I was dehydrated also. Mrs Davis got me three flavors of Gatorade at a gas station. I missed my first day of school since I had started. As a normal unwanted kid, I had gone through so much that regular illness and injury never stopped me from school.
I still went with Mr. Moore when he showed up that night and came inside and talked with the Davis parents to get me. I did not tell him about the previous night. I asked if we could just go to a movie like we used to. He looked suspicious, but agreed. I sucked his penis that I kind of adored and made anal love to him, cumming inside his manly ass while while kissing him on the lips, as usual. And that was it. I was frazzled.
That Sunday I was in no mood for Michael’s abuse. He had started fucking my butt too, rougher than anyone. Still a jerk about it. I did not think I could stand him that day. During breakfast I did something I never do and broke up the harmony by saying something rude. I told MD that YP was having sex with Mrs. Davis but it was okay because she was the pastor’s assistant and it does not even count as intercourse. She went pale like a ghost, showing she was not completely stupid, but reiterated my assertion that it was not adultery or anything bad, but something very good and holy. This was all in front of their seven year old daughter.
MD did not see it the same way. He left the house slamming doors and drove off. Mrs. Davis asked me how I knew and why I told him. I said that Michael told me and that I thought MD would be proud of her. She believed me, but was still crying. So was the daughter. The foster sister that they never wanted me to get near or have a role in her life. Must have been weird for her.
Chapter 7: California Dreamin
MD never touched me again but when he got back told me to pack up my things and took me to back to the home I had been in. It was full at the time, but he refused to take me back and I ended up staying with a social worker to finish the last two weeks of my school year and take my finals. I did well but after my final final exam I was bussed to San Bernadino where I spent a couple weeks in the summer heat before being sent on to Los Angeles.
Adios Davis family. Adios best stable school life I had ever known. Adios so many men who used me and/or depended on me to clean their pipes for sexual release. Adios Arizona.
I was fourteen and back with the riff raff. My almost four point junior high GPA and honors and activities got me placed before the next school year with a career foster family. That means all their income came from having a half dozen kids. They were a fat couple who talked the talk and provided homes but treated it like a business. Cheap food bought in bulk, powdered milk, cheap hygiene products bought in bulk. Cheap second hand clothes that we all shared. Bunk beds with four in one room and two in another. They had strict rules and if you did not follow them it was back to the system. Of course, I was a rule follower, even though I was becoming a little more of a rebel. But it was back to public school where I was a white minority. I fell in with a group of Mexicans who had a couple other white people. I started smoking both cigarettes and weed, got much better at Spanish, and pretended to be straight for a while.
Eventually, I confided in the white girl who was two years older than me. We talked blowjob tips and stories. I found out it was basically okay. Some of my new friends had been to juvie and had homosexuality imposed on them even if they denied it. I tried less in school, to fit in, and had a B average with occasional A’s.
As for sexuality, I messed around with the white girl who I won’t name out of respect for her. She was my fist hetero sex. I liked it and she taught me how to give oral to a girl. I was good at at that too.
While I was still fourteen I went to a barbecue with one of my friend’s friend’s to his ghetto neighborhood house. A lot of guys in a Latino gang and ex-cons were there. The girl was not there. I got taken for a walk by some of the harder guys who I guess had heard about me and wanted to fuck a boy. They all dressed the same with white T-shirts, dark blue knee-length jean shorts, white socks pulled up, hair slicked back. Lots of tattoos. They walked into the alley between rows of houses that the city picks up trash from and they gang banged me under a shade tree. It was not rape because I went full manpleaser mode trying to suck their dicks but I think they tried to make it rape. They were very rough and did not care about lube. They called me fag and whitey when they left me there with my pants off and underwear torn in two pieces on the dirty ground.
I had no choice but to follow them back to the back yard. I had no ride and was in the hood. I grabbed a beer and just waited like a frightened rabbit for my friend to decide to leave and take me home. But he didn’t take me home. He took me to some nearby small house where of the same guys who were and I was stripped naked. More former convicts showed up to use me. They fucked me and hurt me and made me beg them to stop. They pissed on me when they were done and poured their 40’s on me. For survival and mental health, I just went with it full prison bitch mode and told them I would party with them anytime. But I was scared and bleeding for two days. I intentionally broke several of the house rules of my foster parents to get sent back.
Reset.
I was finally becoming emotional now. I had laughed and become more of a real person with my new friends, and honestly the drugs, drink and partying kind of unlocked me. I hated leaving it all behind but I had to. I was afraid for my mortal survival.
Chapter 8: Getting out and Growing Up
I was at a different public school, I declined placement and aged out. That means I turned 18 in the system. There were some more difficulties. Some altercations. But I stood up for myself without getting a criminal record, juvenile or otherwise. Unlike most teens who age out, I did not end up homeless, in jail, or dead. I already had a job at a national chain and transferred to a branch in Illinois for a fresh start. I took out loans and went to college.
I found my people! Sexually ambiguous horny misfits who like to party but can hold down a life too. We exist in all the big cities if you know where to look. Some of us are rich, but I’m not one of those. I struggle and am still working at sorting out my shit. Most of my relationships beyond one night stands are with younger bisexual women or older men. I still love to give blowjobs but on my own terms. I still can be found in sex clubs but on my own terms. Glory holes, my own terms. I am very careful about STD’s as are the people that I let in to my mouth or ass.
Between you and me, men are the easiest. The world is a candy store if you are good at what I am good at. Some men are off limits, but most are not. Just ask them if they want “the best blowjob of their life no strings attached” and most of them cave. I love showing attractive macho men how to walk on the wild side, the more homophobic they were the better.
One of my favorites was an urban cowboy. His pick-up truck used only for image and moving furniture, Bush/Cheney bumper sticker, blue collar man. I met his dissatisfied wife through my work. She was so sick of him she was ready to divorce him. He treated her like second-hand dung.
This is priceless! They went out and had drinks. For a special treat she blindfolded him and tied him to the bed. I put on her perfume and body butter and sucked on his dick from the side as she watched, recording it. Then she said she was going to squat over him and let him fuck her in the ass for the first time since he had forced it on her two months ago, (he had done it before, the rapist.) It was me holding my cock and balls up! After he finished in my (clean) ass I cleaned him up with my fresh shaved mouth and played around until he was up again and I sucked him like a pro and he came again. I kept my mouth on him while she took off the blindfold.
“What’s up bro?”
“It was my ass you were singing praises. She never even touched you after the blindfold.” I showed him his semen coming out of my butt. He was speechless trying to process it all. Then he dry-heaved a couple times. Then he tried to kick at me while I told him to relax. I carefully started sucking on him again while he bucked like bronco. It took some time but eventually he stopped and let me do my thing. He came a third time! This time with no protest. He just begged us to please let him go. It was three hours by then. We fed him more of his favorite whiskey!
She had the idea to only set him free if he sucked my dick for two seconds. I was nervous as hell but he just did it without biting. Romeo got hard again! I am sure he took viagra or something but he denied it. He begged us to let him go so he could pee. I put my mouth on him and told him to go ahead. I drank it like a nasty boy that I had been trained to be long ago. Then I straddled him and worked him inside me again. We were so bad! She was secretly video taping the whole thing, by the way, for blackmail for her own safety. I milked him a little with my butt but then told him to fuck me back. He did, big time. She undid one of his restraints but he kept going until he came. Then he said the strangest thing to his wife who told him about having video and who she would make sure sees it if he hurt her.
“I hope you know this makes you obsolete, bitch!”
She got closure from him. I had a marvelous time.
But usually I don’t do anything like that. I just like to tempt straight men and turn them. The younger the better. I am bisexual myself, as if you had to ask.
Advice for Taking Back Your Life
Go to therapy! At first I went to a free therapy session on recommendation of a friend. It was a female therapist and it was awkward but I did pay to go back one time. I informed her that I did not think a female therapist was right for me and she referred me to the therapist I used for two years. I changed when I moved and have been with the same therapist since. I have spent thousands over the years and most of it is worth every penny.
Get out of bad situations!
Just up and leave or burn the bridge so you have to move on.
See someone who had experience helping you to process your abuse and it becomes less dark and unpredictable. Like dark water that may or may not have sharks and crocodiles that will freak you out without notice.
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