Things I Would Like Other People To Know About My Abuse
I know that all of us are in different places and circumstances on this journey, but I wanted to share this:
Today, my wife planned a day for me. A special outing this morning and now a quiet Easter dinner with all of the foods I like. We have had a lot to face in recent weeks, and it has been stressful. So, this means everything to me. For once, it is a day of quiet and peace. Oh yes, my personal struggle with the abuse is still there, but instead of overwhelming everything else in my life, it is keeping its distance for a while. I am grateful that I have told my wife and children about my abuse. No, not every detail- I see no point in that. But they do know, and they support me.
There is one thing that I could wish for, though, and that would be more openness with them, and others, about my abuse. At times, I feel that people back off from it, and I don't want them to do that. I know they do it because they don't want to hurt me or cause more problems, or because they don't quite know what to say, but I want to encourage others to be unafraid when it comes to all of this. Silence for decades before only deepened the hurt and worsened the pain.
So, I need to find ways to say to those who already know, and to those who will know ...
Today, my wife planned a day for me. A special outing this morning and now a quiet Easter dinner with all of the foods I like. We have had a lot to face in recent weeks, and it has been stressful. So, this means everything to me. For once, it is a day of quiet and peace. Oh yes, my personal struggle with the abuse is still there, but instead of overwhelming everything else in my life, it is keeping its distance for a while. I am grateful that I have told my wife and children about my abuse. No, not every detail- I see no point in that. But they do know, and they support me.
There is one thing that I could wish for, though, and that would be more openness with them, and others, about my abuse. At times, I feel that people back off from it, and I don't want them to do that. I know they do it because they don't want to hurt me or cause more problems, or because they don't quite know what to say, but I want to encourage others to be unafraid when it comes to all of this. Silence for decades before only deepened the hurt and worsened the pain.
So, I need to find ways to say to those who already know, and to those who will know ...
- It's ok to talk to me about my abuse. As a matter of fact, that helps me to heal. I want to be open about it.
- If you do talk with me about it, there's no need to whisper. You are speaking to a fellow human being. Don't let it continue to be a 'taboo' subject.
- It is fine to ask questions about my abuse. I will do my best to answer, and chances are that I have asked myself the same questions.
- Words can be helpful or harmful. I don't need to hear words or phrases that convey secrecy, denial, pity, judgement, or possible reasons/excuses. I do need to hear words that convey acceptance, hope, and support.
- Please don't treat me 'differently' because of my abuse. Just treat me as me.
- One of the very best things that you can do for me is to just be there and come alongside me while I am trying to heal. Knowing you are there in whatever way you can be means everything.
- One of the best things that you can do for everyone is to do whatever you can to increase awareness of male sexual abuse. AT LEAST 1 IN 6 MEN HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED OR ASSAULTED. That is a staggering statistic that more people need to know about.
