Incestuous Abuse So much pain and suffering

[tholt]

I joined this site this past Saturday and have meet a few good men. I took yesterday off to relax and try to ease my mind of the flash backs and bad dreams I was experiencing over the end of last week and the weekend but found myself on this site instead reading posts and stories of others who experienced abuse perpetrated by family members. I don't want to use the word common, but I did not realize how often it occurs. I spent hours on here yesterday reading, my heart aching for those who have gone through the same or similar experience as I have. I am so sorry for anyone who has experience child sexual/physical/mental/etc abuse. But to me there is an added detention I can't explain when it is a family member that does the abusing. Many have expressed the confusion they experience regarding parent or sibling love and attention. The confusion and pain when they are just done with you and then reject you. I relate to so much that has been written here, the confusion, the shame and guilt, the rejection when they are done with you, always want to believe they loved you, the desire for affection, the need to be accepted, loved, adored, unconditionally by them, (I can't quite explain or express what I am trying to say here). I am so so sorry for all who have been abused in any way as a child, and for me a special grief for those who's perpetrators were family members. Also to me it is worse when it is a parent. The one or two people that should be your protectors, that should love, cherish, encourage, etc you. The posts and stories I read contain so much pain and suffering. I wish everyone here peace. I hope one day we can all find our peace.

 

[travelerdelta]

Welcome and as you continue to engage with others on this site, your going to be supported and listened to as well. Good luck with your healing path

 

[dreamgurl]

@tholt The only thing I can really say is that you are heard, understood, and we all care. I have often heard that clearly and realistically describing the pain of abuse is very very difficult to do.You may never feel that you have adequately described the lifelong suffering. MS is a place were mere words carry a lot of weight because we all suffered similar experiences and therefore understand can truly "Feel" ! Although my abuse was not cared out by family members, I very much agree that what you and others have experienced with parents/family adds a whole other dimension of pain. Welcome to MS, know we are here for each other! Be kind to yourself and I wish you Peace!

 

[tholt]

Welcome and as you continue to engage with others on this site, your going to be supported and listened to as well. Good luck with your healing path

Thank you

 

[tholt]

@tholt The only thing I can really say is that you are heard, understood, and we all care. I have often heard that clearly and realistically describing the pain of abuse is very very difficult to do.You may never feel that you have adequately described the lifelong suffering. MS is a place were mere words carry a lot of weight because we all suffered similar experiences and therefore understand can truly "Feel" ! Although my abuse was not cared out by family members, I very much agree that what you and others have experienced with parents/family adds a whole other dimension of pain. Welcome to MS, know we are here for each other! Be kind to yourself and I wish you Peace!

Thank you

 

[Curiouspaints]

You where heard @tholt

 

[tholt]

You where heard @tholt

Thanks

 

[Duckie]

.

 

[tholt]

.

?

 

[Duckie]

You are not alone

 

[tholt]

You are not alone

Thank you

 

[LRD]

@tholt, it’s important to give yourself some space at times. Let the mind have some
normalcy. I understand how difficult it is to explain the confusion of those feelings about
the abuse by a father. Please maintain hope in your journey, because it does slowly get better with time.
I hated and loved my father both, it was so difficult to understand that extreme. How it could be! Fortunately I’ve had a good T that
has helped me process those feelings of betrayal. I hear you and send positive thoughts your way. Stay your course take each day as it comes and you have others
here that truly care.

 

[tholt]

Thank you so mucy

 

[Buster65]

Hey @tholt, I hear you! You said you didn't know what you were trying to explain. You explained and expressed yourself quite well. I have felt all those confusing feelings and emotions at different times in my life. I will say there is peace for us all. In the last 4 years I have felt it like never before due to therapy, this site, many brothers from my mens group. I still struggle sometimes but it's to be expected and I try to not stay in it by talking and reaching out. Peace

 

[GaD3!]

I understand so well all that you have stated in your post. When I first found MS, I also spent much time reading what others shared. Everything you shared makes sense, and you do explain and express it quite well. It can be very painful to read much of what is shared here. At times it has brought tears to my eyes along with extreme anger.

"I am so so sorry for all who have been abused in any way as a child, and for me a special grief for those who's perpetrators were family members. Also to me it is worse when it is a parent. The one or two people that should be your protectors, that should love, cherish, encourage, etc you. The posts and stories I read contain so much pain and suffering. I wish everyone here peace. I hope one day we can all find our peace."-
This says it all.

Love is the most important thing a parent can give to their child. When this is not present a very deep wound is created, even more so when that includes the evil of sexually abusing one's child. I raised three kids on my own, and the thought of a parent doing anything to hurt their children, is something extremely difficult for me to even contemplate. I was not sexually abused by my parents, but they still did much damage and caused wounds that will never heal. I cannot imagine how exponentially worse for the brothers here abused by a parent or sibling. All of it horrible beyond words.

You have a kind heart. I truly wish you peace and healing. Take care.

 

[tholt]

I understand so well all that you have stated in your post. When I first found MS, I also spent much time reading what others shared. Everything you shared makes sense, and you do explain and express it quite well. It can be very painful to read much of what is shared here. At times it has brought tears to my eyes along with extreme anger.

"I am so so sorry for all who have been abused in any way as a child, and for me a special grief for those who's perpetrators were family members. Also to me it is worse when it is a parent. The one or two people that should be your protectors, that should love, cherish, encourage, etc you. The posts and stories I read contain so much pain and suffering. I wish everyone here peace. I hope one day we can all find our peace."-
This says it all.

Love is the most important thing a parent can give to their child. When this is not present a very deep wound is created, even more so when that includes the evil of sexually abusing one's child. I raised three kids on my own, and the thought of a parent doing anything to hurt their children, is something extremely difficult for me to even contemplate. I was not sexually abused by my parents, but they still did much damage and caused wounds that will never heal. I cannot imagine how exponentially worse for the brothers here abused by a parent or sibling. All of it horrible beyond words.

You have a kind heart. I truly wish you peace and healing. Take care.

Thank you, hope peace for you as well

 

[tholt]

Hey @tholt, I hear you! You said you didn't know what you were trying to explain. You explained and expressed yourself quite well. I have felt all those confusing feelings and emotions at different times in my life. I will say there is peace for us all. In the last 4 years I have felt it like never before due to therapy, this site, many brothers from my mens group. I still struggle sometimes but it's to be expected and I try to not stay in it by talking and reaching out. Peace

Thanks you

 

[CarbonTiger]

This is the sanctuary for people like us. Gift from the universe. The world would try ro hide us, forget that it happened, pretend we don't exist or worse--silence us.

That won't and shouldn't happen to you here. If I may offer any advice for someone new on their healing journey, take breaks--especially from this site. Its easy to get lost along the way. Though here you can find respite, great information and wisdom... I got a little burnt out, but was also dealing with the pandemic and grief from a loss that still rattles me.

Anyway, take it easy on yourself as you navigate this. I know that will be hard for anyone to do, so I can't express that enough. It will take time but healing is possible. I'm alive today to write these words and so I believe it.

My best to you,
[CT]

 

[tholt]

This is the sanctuary for people like us. Gift from the universe. The world would try ro hide us, forget that it happened, pretend we don't exist or worse--silence us.

That won't and shouldn't happen to you here. If I may offer any advice for someone new on their healing journey, take breaks--especially from this site. Its easy to get lost along the way. Though here you can find respite, great information and wisdom... I got a little burnt out, but was also dealing with the pandemic and grief from a loss that still rattles me.

Anyway, take it easy on yourself as you navigate this. I know that will be hard for anyone to do, so I can't express that enough. It will take time but healing is possible. I'm alive today to write these words and so I believe it.

My best to you,
[CT]

Thank you so much. I am glad you are here.

 

[lettingo]

The question of, "Did he actually love me?" is brutal, and one that I wrestle with. I still want my father's love, even though he's now dead, and I've finally accepted that he actually did what he did to me. It's cruel.