Sexual Difficulties Following Childhood Sexual Abuse
Sexual Difficulties Following Childhood Sexual Abuse
- Thread starterSilentwar
- Start date
Dan99
Registrant
Thank you for posting this. I will also rewatch it when time allows. Such a wonderful video and so generous of the speaker to share what must be 50 or so years of insight and expertise.
Two issues he talked about were so gratifying to me.
He talks about the objectification of CSA victims. And this was so true in my case. I know a lot of guys talk about shame associated with feeling arousal or even desire associated with their abuse. And I respect that is a challenge for them. But for me, it was not an issue. But objectification most definitely is. The term is mostly used about girls/women. But it cuts right to the heart of some of my struggles.
He also references the effects CSA on the cortisol system. It's very rewarding to hear him say that we understand those effects, but we have no solutions for them. This has always been one of the most prominent after-effects of my abuse and I know very well that no one really has a good answer. Probably there is none. But I admire a therapist who is strong enough to state that simple truth and validate what I have learned through years of struggle.
One of my therapists always cautioned that I have a tendency to spend a lot of time trying to understand the whys of my situation, rather than moving forward with healing. And he is right. It is definitely my tendency and something I need to pay attention to.
But what I love about this presentation is it talks about the survivor's sex life as if it matters. It always feels to me that I am judged based upon my ability to do things that matter to other people. Am I working? Sober? Earning good money? Etc. All the broader world seems to care about is whether I stay out of trouble and pay my way. And fair enough. But it's good to hear someone talk about how we CSA survivors are within our rights to want more out of life.
Anyway, thanks again.
Two issues he talked about were so gratifying to me.
He talks about the objectification of CSA victims. And this was so true in my case. I know a lot of guys talk about shame associated with feeling arousal or even desire associated with their abuse. And I respect that is a challenge for them. But for me, it was not an issue. But objectification most definitely is. The term is mostly used about girls/women. But it cuts right to the heart of some of my struggles.
He also references the effects CSA on the cortisol system. It's very rewarding to hear him say that we understand those effects, but we have no solutions for them. This has always been one of the most prominent after-effects of my abuse and I know very well that no one really has a good answer. Probably there is none. But I admire a therapist who is strong enough to state that simple truth and validate what I have learned through years of struggle.
One of my therapists always cautioned that I have a tendency to spend a lot of time trying to understand the whys of my situation, rather than moving forward with healing. And he is right. It is definitely my tendency and something I need to pay attention to.
But what I love about this presentation is it talks about the survivor's sex life as if it matters. It always feels to me that I am judged based upon my ability to do things that matter to other people. Am I working? Sober? Earning good money? Etc. All the broader world seems to care about is whether I stay out of trouble and pay my way. And fair enough. But it's good to hear someone talk about how we CSA survivors are within our rights to want more out of life.
Anyway, thanks again.
CarbonTiger
Registrant
@Dan99
All of this--yes! Thank YOU for articulating almost exactly how I feel. You have great insight Dan. I will definitely watch this video soon. Maybe after my shift.
...ok, bye
PhoenixRising
Registrant
Thanks so much.
I’m glad someone else found this presentation useful, the part where he speaks about pelvic freeze is where I had to rewatch 3 or 4 times. That’s exactly what my issue has been over the years and I’ve never heard anyone speak about it, much less give it a name. Also he speaks about masturbation being ‘safer’ than actual physical sexual contact. This is also me to some extent.
Samson360
Registrant
Well I can say I most definitely had sexual difficulties after I was molested from nine years old to 11 years old. About the time the abuse stopped is when I was just entering puberty and since I had no one that I could talk to and ask questions I was very confused. During the molestation I did not get any erections and had not anyway yet. So during the years after the abuse I was, like any boy may, getting many erections but I did not know what to do with them until my very best friend taught me about masturbation. My father was a drunk, so he never talked to me about girls and how things are supposed to be. For a period of time I began thinking that my abuser somehow made me gay. And there was a time that my curiosity was leaning looking at pictures of naked men more than naked women. And being on my school swim team, and the showers I would get erections, but I realized it really wasn't seeing the other boys, it was just that I was getting them all the time anyway. I like to say that my penis finally settled down over time. I did finally realize that I was not gay. I met my high school sweetheart and I did fall in love with her but I cannot commit to having sex with her. I had become very on trusting and petrified of anything to do with sexuality. He graduated before me and we lost touch, actually I did not work hard and keep us together. From then on throughout my life I've had many relationships with women but when it came to sex I totally bailed out and my relationships just crumbled. One my abuser took from me, besides my childhood, was how to develop into a well-rounded adult male. Thanks for sharing the video.
I never got to the relationship part. The moment any type of intimacy started I filled anxiety and fear and that was the end of it. I could not get out of the room, car, or whatever fast enough. I still am this way.