Screenplay of betrayal loss and memories
Cant sleep if I try im being lead by a young boy who looks like myself into places and people... I see my foot and body merge into someone else's and Im trying to let go. Im trying to understand how to let go the ideals and the story are all so close to me in my chest. my bother is dead I dont know why anymore I miss him and I always wanted to say goodbye... without the violence the parts that scare me come up to the surface of my mind.... I become a child in the hands of a god I forget how to spell. I hold myself as a man in a Childs body waiting for the moment to clear the dust of screams and criticism to disappear. My body is clean again and im breathing no ones betrayed anyone yet and there isn't blood to clean up.
im not being beating over the truth anymore....
Something is still
its me the older me pulling myself back as a child into my arms while hiding under the stairs from the sounds of rage and utter brutality
and than.... the tunnel of salvation crumbles madly into a reality I will never be able to fully heal from....
and I open my arms and take the hint the sting the remerberence of fornication in holy prayer my body surrenders to the brutality while I try to laugh inside.
to cope to heal to pretend its not going on that my older self can reach out and call the game over the other team more competent more violent more real than me....
I build an internal temple of predictability a place where I can understand that I won't change anything going on. Anything around me folds into me in this moment like a black hole of soulless oblivion. and I dont care anymore about the blood or sweat or smell of fluids from her or me or them or he the older guy with the beard who told me to enter and than the fortress screams at me.... "Sinner" thou shalt not!!!!!! FFFEEEEEELLLL
inhale the past
Exhale the present
he remembers the deep moments of betrayal the family who left all the doors open in the rain and cold
the brother who was lost to cicumstance the sister who showed murder as a choice of being.... I someone like me smells like me taste. like me was just along for the ride....
Goodbye namesless brother
Goodbye nameless sister
Who could I protect?
Who could I defend?
Who was this coward?
Find me the voice cries back find me bring me back to this corpse with a name....
Im here kid... (push play adult) handle this as a man mature and all so powerful....
im here (memory strikes a sound a moan a motion of insertion)
I cant'....
body (here is your truth you wanted it now take it)
mind... initiate primal protocol of survival stay calm numb and dont fucking move.....
pound hit (scream.... If You ever..... silence fades.....
body signals mind.... do not speak..... Do not move.....
shes here.... breathing down my cheeks....
We exchange everything.... it's family....
Younger body who looks like me talks like me taste like me....
im tired I built this castle and it crumbled in my hands....
I cleaned up the blood the liquids from the past....
I tended to the moments righteously I failed you and im sorry
(Im holding him this person this child covered in blood and mucus)
(whispers) are you god? is this that place people talk about....
I miss him I miss her these two siblings that died.... gone .... stolen from the future
I shower to calm down
he makes these child like sounds so free in my arms held through the agony of truth
and than he sleeps within my chest asking for time to take him away somewhere
Far away so far that no one can reach him
a new planet or galaxy
Where hes born again
in the arms of a new
start
middle
and maybe end
im not being beating over the truth anymore....
Something is still
its me the older me pulling myself back as a child into my arms while hiding under the stairs from the sounds of rage and utter brutality
and than.... the tunnel of salvation crumbles madly into a reality I will never be able to fully heal from....
and I open my arms and take the hint the sting the remerberence of fornication in holy prayer my body surrenders to the brutality while I try to laugh inside.
to cope to heal to pretend its not going on that my older self can reach out and call the game over the other team more competent more violent more real than me....
I build an internal temple of predictability a place where I can understand that I won't change anything going on. Anything around me folds into me in this moment like a black hole of soulless oblivion. and I dont care anymore about the blood or sweat or smell of fluids from her or me or them or he the older guy with the beard who told me to enter and than the fortress screams at me.... "Sinner" thou shalt not!!!!!! FFFEEEEEELLLL
inhale the past
Exhale the present
he remembers the deep moments of betrayal the family who left all the doors open in the rain and cold
the brother who was lost to cicumstance the sister who showed murder as a choice of being.... I someone like me smells like me taste. like me was just along for the ride....
Goodbye namesless brother
Goodbye nameless sister
Who could I protect?
Who could I defend?
Who was this coward?
Find me the voice cries back find me bring me back to this corpse with a name....
Im here kid... (push play adult) handle this as a man mature and all so powerful....
im here (memory strikes a sound a moan a motion of insertion)
I cant'....
body (here is your truth you wanted it now take it)
mind... initiate primal protocol of survival stay calm numb and dont fucking move.....
pound hit (scream.... If You ever..... silence fades.....
body signals mind.... do not speak..... Do not move.....
shes here.... breathing down my cheeks....
We exchange everything.... it's family....
Younger body who looks like me talks like me taste like me....
im tired I built this castle and it crumbled in my hands....
I cleaned up the blood the liquids from the past....
I tended to the moments righteously I failed you and im sorry
(Im holding him this person this child covered in blood and mucus)
(whispers) are you god? is this that place people talk about....
I miss him I miss her these two siblings that died.... gone .... stolen from the future
I shower to calm down
he makes these child like sounds so free in my arms held through the agony of truth
and than he sleeps within my chest asking for time to take him away somewhere
Far away so far that no one can reach him
a new planet or galaxy
Where hes born again
in the arms of a new
start
middle
and maybe end
Last edited:
