Music Of My Mind
From a young age music has been my go to pleasure. I brought Songs In The Key Of Life by Stevie Wonder on the day it was released and it has gone with me everywhere. I have owned it on probably all possible formats and replaced worn out and lost copies.
I used to make mixtapes for myself and friends and later mix cd’s and now playlists. I use music as a background, to walk with, and to blow away cobwebs and to soothe my soul. It excites and relaxes me and yes I use it as therapy. I imagine most of us do.
I owned a record shop for a few years and I wish I had done that twenty years before. One of those perfect fits, it delighted me and it didn’t feel like work it felt like play.
I have recently been spending many hours talking to a friend about abuse stuff. In those chats, as I am sure you all know, you end up wandering all over the place. Little dark nooks and crannies, ideas and metaphor, interesting ways of describing things and explaining our feelings.
We often quote songs, or play songs to each other, artists express themselves so we don’t need to, it’s what they do, it’s what they are for. They are ok with us using their songs for pleasure and to help us, they don’t mind in the least. I know this because I know quite a few artists and they have told me.
Together we stumbled on the idea of a playlist, curated by us of songs that helped us. Songs that either healed or soothed us. Songs that have played a part in our journey towards disclosure and the ongoing travels.
Partly because it it felt good to share them with each other, and partly because if it helped us therefore it might help the other. It might touch the same raw nerves and it might teach them the same things it taught us. No rules no judgements. Genre, taste and fashion play no part in the choices.
The list grows and we use it all the time. One of the ways I have started to use it is as a backdrop to our chats. Noiseless headphones that cocoon me in the soft velvet embrace of silence, The first track is YoYo-Ma playing Bach. That piece from the West Wing, Josh, the PTSD. the therapist, the pain. The heart wrenching moment of realising ‘oh thats what I have’. That bit of music.
It fills my ears and my head and takes me to calm and smooth places and I logon and engage with my friend with no fear of where we end up.
Why I telling you this? Two reasons really. It occurred to me that it’s a good idea and you might want to do the same. Curate your own playlist using the same brief. Bespoke to you and your travels. It might help. You come across many songs you had forgotten about.
Then there is the other reason. I want to post my story. I have told my story before. A very tightly edited and controlled version. With no fear of being asked about it. Nobody challenges me or discusses it. I want to say sanitised, clean non specific version.
Coming here I am already aware that that’s ok and I can tell my story. The next stage is where the fear is. All the stuff I have never talked about. The what and the how and the details and the specifics. Thats what I am struggling with.
Yesterday, as is the way of this place, during a chat, it dawned on me that all I was doing was not telling the secret. Keeping quiet. Thats what I was still doing.
So now I know that, I think the best thing is if I just delay and dodge the issue and find something else to do. I will try and find the courage to post my story. In the meantime i will press play and listen to the music of my mind.
I used to make mixtapes for myself and friends and later mix cd’s and now playlists. I use music as a background, to walk with, and to blow away cobwebs and to soothe my soul. It excites and relaxes me and yes I use it as therapy. I imagine most of us do.
I owned a record shop for a few years and I wish I had done that twenty years before. One of those perfect fits, it delighted me and it didn’t feel like work it felt like play.
I have recently been spending many hours talking to a friend about abuse stuff. In those chats, as I am sure you all know, you end up wandering all over the place. Little dark nooks and crannies, ideas and metaphor, interesting ways of describing things and explaining our feelings.
We often quote songs, or play songs to each other, artists express themselves so we don’t need to, it’s what they do, it’s what they are for. They are ok with us using their songs for pleasure and to help us, they don’t mind in the least. I know this because I know quite a few artists and they have told me.
Together we stumbled on the idea of a playlist, curated by us of songs that helped us. Songs that either healed or soothed us. Songs that have played a part in our journey towards disclosure and the ongoing travels.
Partly because it it felt good to share them with each other, and partly because if it helped us therefore it might help the other. It might touch the same raw nerves and it might teach them the same things it taught us. No rules no judgements. Genre, taste and fashion play no part in the choices.
The list grows and we use it all the time. One of the ways I have started to use it is as a backdrop to our chats. Noiseless headphones that cocoon me in the soft velvet embrace of silence, The first track is YoYo-Ma playing Bach. That piece from the West Wing, Josh, the PTSD. the therapist, the pain. The heart wrenching moment of realising ‘oh thats what I have’. That bit of music.
It fills my ears and my head and takes me to calm and smooth places and I logon and engage with my friend with no fear of where we end up.
Why I telling you this? Two reasons really. It occurred to me that it’s a good idea and you might want to do the same. Curate your own playlist using the same brief. Bespoke to you and your travels. It might help. You come across many songs you had forgotten about.
Then there is the other reason. I want to post my story. I have told my story before. A very tightly edited and controlled version. With no fear of being asked about it. Nobody challenges me or discusses it. I want to say sanitised, clean non specific version.
Coming here I am already aware that that’s ok and I can tell my story. The next stage is where the fear is. All the stuff I have never talked about. The what and the how and the details and the specifics. Thats what I am struggling with.
Yesterday, as is the way of this place, during a chat, it dawned on me that all I was doing was not telling the secret. Keeping quiet. Thats what I was still doing.
So now I know that, I think the best thing is if I just delay and dodge the issue and find something else to do. I will try and find the courage to post my story. In the meantime i will press play and listen to the music of my mind.
