I'm seeking a saviour....repeatedly
I posted this here, for me. I became aware today I constantly expect anyone, whereever, whoever, to save me, rescue me. I read something today, something that said I play the victim. I've struggled with accepting it, but something stuck today.
Do I want a savior, someone to answer all my problems? Yes.
Do I put people in positions where they will fail? Yes. (They can't fix what they didn't create).
Do I not want to feel/remember the pain? Of course.
Do I still wander around expecting ignorance to prevail? Yes
But, when I've felt true pain, I grew.
When I cried and anguished over missing pieces, I...let go of some of it.
Back to my reality.
Have my plans for "controlling my life" prevailed? No.
Has my mask been profitable for me personally or professionally? No.
Do I want..want...want..success to equal safety at work? YES, YES, YES.
Have I tried to bury my past through current successes? Repeatedly.
Does facing my pain help? Am I wasting time in this? Answer 1--yes. Answer 2--no, not really.
Today was a small success because I realized AGAIN that only in facing this will I be set free. One day at a time. Thanks for reading this.
Alfred
Do I want a savior, someone to answer all my problems? Yes.
Do I put people in positions where they will fail? Yes. (They can't fix what they didn't create).
Do I not want to feel/remember the pain? Of course.
Do I still wander around expecting ignorance to prevail? Yes
But, when I've felt true pain, I grew.
When I cried and anguished over missing pieces, I...let go of some of it.
Back to my reality.
Have my plans for "controlling my life" prevailed? No.
Has my mask been profitable for me personally or professionally? No.
Do I want..want...want..success to equal safety at work? YES, YES, YES.
Have I tried to bury my past through current successes? Repeatedly.
Does facing my pain help? Am I wasting time in this? Answer 1--yes. Answer 2--no, not really.
Today was a small success because I realized AGAIN that only in facing this will I be set free. One day at a time. Thanks for reading this.
Alfred